Page 11 of The Barbarian’s Claim (Not-So-Savage Barbarians #4)

Eleven

EINAR

S taring down at Matthew, I willed him to wake up. I should have taught him better. I’d never told him to check the water first. He didn’t know the danger there.

When I realized he’d been bitten by the sorvok, I was quick to lance the wound and suck the venom out.

It was quick enough to prevent infecting him.

It shouldn’t damage him permanently. But sorvok’s venom always knocked their prey unconscious first, and that took a while to wear off.

I bandaged his hand and moved him back to the bedroll, dragging it closer to the fire to keep him warm.

After that, I could only wait for him to wake.

If I was wrong and the venom did take full effect, there was nothing I could do for him.

The thought made my chest ache. I’d promised I would protect him.

I’d failed within a day of our bonding. All because I was ashamed of my actions and wished to avoid him.

We had never discussed intimacy between us.

I felt as though I had manipulated him into it.

He was young, easily swayed by pleasure.

I should have asked. But I was half asleep and distracted by the way he pushed himself against me, and I’d ignored what was right to enjoy him in the moment.

Then I avoided him out of embarrassment.

I should have gone with him anyway. I shouldn’t have left him alone for even a moment.

A small, unhappy groan escaped him, and his face twisted into a grimace. I’d experienced a sorvok’s bite before, several times. It was not pleasant. It was lucky it was only the back of his hand and not his face or neck. The closer to his heart, the more dangerous it would have been for him.

His whimper kicked me into motion, and I shifted closer, running my fingers through the hair at his temple. He stirred again, his eyelids fluttering like he was trying to wake up and was struggling to do it.

“Zoragar. You are safe. Wake when you are ready.”

His lips pulled down into a frown, and his brows furrowed.

He wasn’t happy with me. He had every reason to feel this way.

I was supposed to protect him. I would not protest his sharing his displeasure with me.

As long as he woke up and I could see that he was okay, I would take whatever punishment he and the gods thought I deserved.

His head turned toward where my hand had touched him, and he let out another whimper.

The sound hurt my heart, and I reached for him automatically, cupping his face.

His cheeks were still pale and cool, but I felt his breath on my wrist as he leaned against my palm and sighed. If he needed to be held, then…

Carefully, I pulled him into my arms, resting his head against my shoulder.

It felt awkward, as I’d never done such a thing before, but it seemed to help.

He relaxed, nuzzling a little against me before falling asleep again.

I moved his injured hand to my shoulder and held it there.

I’d learned long ago to elevate it or it would hurt otherwise.

He slept for a little while longer, and I did not move the entire time. Guilt over his injury coiled in my stomach, and I could not make myself walk away, not even to hunt.

A small whimper preceded his waking, and I felt him wince, his hand tugging a little so he could pull it against his chest.

“Wh-what…”

His voice was thick, and when I looked down at him, he glanced around blearily, like he didn’t understand.

Running my fingers through his hair, I drew his attention to me. “How do you feel?”

He blinked slowly, his head drooping a little as he struggled to hold it up. “Tired…” he murmured, resting against my shoulder again. He didn’t even notice how little his words trembled in the face of his exhaustion. It made me think he would get better eventually, given more time.

“M-my h-hand hurts,” he added after a moment, almost like he’d forgotten to tell me sooner.

I nodded in understanding. “It will for a few days. You got very lucky. Had the bite been anywhere else, it could have been more dangerous.”

He hummed, his eyes drifting closed again. Then they flew back open, and he looked up at me in shock. “B-bite. Wh-where?—”

“The sorvok is dead. I sucked out the venom. You will be alright.”

His eyes widened even more, staring up at me. “S-sucked… W-w-why?”

With a sigh, I thought about what I was taught before explaining it to him. “Sorvok venom is slow. The first part that puts you to sleep is fast, but the poison does not release until later. If you lance it and drain it quickly, it will not kill you.”

His gaze trailed worriedly over me. I shook my head. “Sucking it out won’t hurt as long as it is not swallowed. Suck it out, rinse with water. I am fine.”

He looked relieved, and it felt wrong to take pleasure in his concern. I did not deserve happiness after I was so careless with him.

“I’m sorry I was not there to protect you. I should have been. It won’t happen again.”

Gentle hands touched my face, urging me to look at him again. I felt too ashamed to face him, but the hand that touched me was the bandaged one, and I didn’t want to cause him more pain.

“It w-wasn’t y-your f-f-fault. I sh-should have paid m-more attention.”

Fury flashed through me like lightning, and I glared down at him. “No, zoragar. It is my job to protect you. I did not teach you to check the water. You are not at fault. I am.”

Neither of us was willing to back down. For someone usually so eager to please, Matthew was surprisingly stubborn about my not taking all the blame.

It was endearing, if not a little irritating.

Not many tried to shift the blame away from me.

The clan saw me as dangerous. If I were the source of the problem, they would tell me so.

I didn’t want him upsetting himself while he was recovering, so I let it go for the time being. We would need to stay here another night until he had his energy back, but the delay wouldn’t be too much of an issue.

As long as I didn’t get distracted by him along the way.

We set off early the following morning. I did not like to linger in one area.

It encouraged predators to seek me out. Despite a lot of protest on his part, I made Matthew take the rock out of his bag.

He still felt fatigued after the sorvok attack, and he needed to save his strength.

He wasn’t pleased about it, but I was more stubborn than he was, and we wouldn’t be going anywhere without my permission.

I could tell he was ranting in his mind about it for a while, since his facial expressions gave him away, but I did not point it out, and eventually, his focus turned back to our surroundings.

He was vigilant in watching for danger, and when we settled again for the night, I decided to teach him how to use his dagger for protection.

“Not like that. You lose range of motion.” I readjusted his hand so that he could use the dagger more smoothly and studied him again. “Relax your hand. If you grip it too tightly, it will cause problems.”

“I-I don’t w-want to d-d-drop it,” he countered with a frown.

“So then don’t drop it.”

My response made him glare at me, and I found myself biting back a chuckle. His face was incredibly expressive. He could tell whole stories without saying a word. I shook my head to focus myself. I was getting too distracted by him.

“This kind of blade is only for close contact. No one will ever get that close when I am around. I am only teaching you in case I am injured and cannot protect you.”

That made him frown, but I ignored it. It was the truth. No one would get close enough to him to hurt him unless I was already dead. I’d bound myself to him for his protection. I would guard him until my last breath.

“It is easier to catch your attacker by surprise if you don’t show him you have it until he is close enough to strike. You will need to get used to pulling it out quickly. It should be second nature.”

“W-where do I s-store it?” he asked, eyeing the blade warily. He was uncomfortable with it, but he would learn not to be. I wanted him to have protection with him at all times.

I showed him the sheath and how to tie it to his belt. “Never put the blade away with blood on it. It will damage it. Clean it first.”

“I-I hope I n-n-never have to use it,” he murmured, tucking the blade away and pulling it out again to get a feel for the motion. He was determined to get it right, and after a little more instruction, I told him to lunge at me.

He outright refused.

“I-I’ll h-h-hurt you!” he protested, taking a step back from me.

I gave him a flat look. “You won’t. You are still a beginner. Just try.”

That stubbornness showed up again, the refusal clear on his face. Exasperated, I pretended to turn away and lunged at him when he relaxed, grabbing his wrist before he could do more than squeak.

“You cannot hurt me. But you must learn to protect yourself. You will learn this first, then any other weapon I have with me. When we return to the clan, you will learn more.”

“W-why?” he asked, his voice high and worried. “Y-y-you’ll always be th-there.”

His faith in me warmed my middle, but I couldn’t risk it.

Cupping his cheek, I drew his focus back to me.

“Because you have been hurt before.” And he was willing to be hurt again just to stay alive.

That thought bothered me, but it was not what we were discussing now.

“Part of keeping you safe is to make sure you can protect yourself if I am unable.”

His eyes searched mine, his brows drawn tightly together. “H-how…?”

He wanted to know how I knew he’d been hurt. He didn’t realize his actions told the story without his explanation. “You did not speak this way always. It happened later. It is worse when you are afraid. I guessed. Am I wrong?”

Shame filled his eyes, and he dropped his gaze, shaking his head. I lifted his chin back up, letting him see the truth in my eyes. “Your condition does not make you less. You survived. Not all innocents do in the face of that kind of treatment. You are stronger than you believe.”