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A stabbing sensation pierces the flesh over my heart as I say it.

Saint reaches forward, and this time, it’s me who stops him by stepping back.

I… I can’t.

“Baby, listen to me, okay? Please just hear me out. That’s all I’m asking for. If you want me to leave and never see me again once I do, I promise I will leave, but I just need you to know the truth.” His eyes are pleading, and he looks like he’s moments away from his own tears.

“Did you know who I was? That first day at the rink, did you know, Saint?”

He tilts his head, hesitating. “No. I mean… once you told me your last name, I suspected. I put two and two together after that.”

My stomach twists, and for a moment, I’m afraid I might be sick. “Tell me.”

“It was so fucking stupid, Lennon. So goddamn stupid.I was out of my mind with this vendetta against your father, I thought I could get close to you, fuck around with you and use it as a way to get back at him. To piss him off that his daughter was with a guy like me. Trash. ”

Oh God. My cheeks are wet with tears as they stream down my face, so hard that my vision starts to blur from the wetness.

“Shit, please don’t cry, baby. Please,” he begs, reaching for me again, and I step back out of his reach.

“So this was all fake? All of it?”

The thought makes me physically ill. I clutch my stomach with one hand as I swipe away the tears that just won’t stop.

“Fuck no,” he says, shaking his head. “Did I agree to your whole fake boyfriend thing to try to get closer to you in hopes that it would be the answer to my problems? Yeah. I did. But Lennon, I need you to believe me when I say that it stopped being that for me a long time ago. I didn’t give a shit about the revenge, or your father, or any of it once I started to care about you.

When I started to have real feelings for you, it made me realize how goddamn stupid I’d been, trying to use you to get back at him.

You are innocent and had nothing to do with it, but in my head, you were his little princess.

I thought you were just like him. But I learned how far from the truth that was as I got to know you. ”

There’s one question that I need to know, and it’s the one I’m terrified of the answer to.

I’m not sure my heart can even take it.

I roll my lips together, tasting the salt tears wetting them as I gather all the courage inside of me to ask.

“So you had sex with me as part of your revenge ? That’s why you took my virginity?”

He closes the distance between us before I can even finish speaking, sliding his hand along my jaw.

His thumb stroking my face so tenderly, so reverently, that it only makes the ache in my heart intensify.

“No. No , Lennon. I abandoned the revenge way before we ever got there. I tried to tell you… that night. I was going to tell you before, but you were so set on it being your decision, and I didn’t want to tell you because it didn’t even matter anymore.

It’s not how I felt and hadn’t been how I felt for a while.

I didn’t want to hurt you for no reason.

I swear to you, nothing that’s happened between us was about my stupid plan.

Nothing, I promise.” His throat works as he swallows, his eyes shining with sincerity.

He drops his forehead against mine and inhales, as if he’s savoring every breath.

Like he’s afraid that I’m going to slip away.

My eyes flutter closed as we stand together, neither of us moving.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you before now.

I just didn’t know how ,” he whispers, keeping his head pressed to me.

My tears are probably wetting his cheeks as much as they are mine.

“How do I tell the girl I’ve fallen in love with that I fucked up, that I made the most stupid mistake I could’ve ever made, and beg her to forgive me?

To not leave me.I’m sorry that I was so blinded by my hate that I ever even considered doing it in the first place.

I never would’ve gone through with it. I’m not that guy.

I don’t want to be that guy. The one who hurts people to further my agenda.

I’m not my father, and I’m never going to be him.

Whatever I have to do to prove it to you, I will. I’ll do whatever it takes, Lennon.”

I can’t say anything because my throat feels tight, clogged with emotions.

I’m hurt and sad, and not just for me… but for him.

Because of the years of mental and physical abuse he’s endured. Because of the heartbreaking fact that the man who was supposed to love and protect him was responsible for it. His own father. Because Saint has been so hurt and angry that he got to this dark place.

That he’s been suffering alone, in silence for so long.

He pulls back slightly, staring down at me as he runs his hand over my hair.

“I love you, Lennon. I meant every word I said to your father. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.

No line I wouldn’t cross. I’m sorry that I fucked up so badly.

I’m sorry that I was so fucking lost. But I’m not lost anymore. Not with you.”

I don’t push him away because… I do understand, even though it hurts me to know he started this with me to hurt me.

But I understand his pain and anger. I get the desire to see someone who hurt you and your loved ones pay for what they’ve done. He’s been through more heartache than most people experience in their lifetime, as a child.

As painful as it is to hear all of this… I know how hard this has to be for him, to bare his soul and hope that I stay anyway.

“I’m hurt, Saint,” I whisper.

“I know, baby, and I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it back.

I wish I never would’ve been so fucking stupid in the first place, but I’m promising you…

I will never lie to you or keep anything from you, ever again.

No matter what.” His fingers curl around mine, and he lifts my hand, placing it on his chest, over his heart, holding it there.

I can feel the steady, strong thrum. “You’re in here , Lennon.

I tried to fight it, I tried to lie to myself that I wasn’t falling for you flat on my face, but I can’t.

You’re the only good in here. It’s you .

You make me want to be the man that’s worthy of loving you.

I want to be the man you deserve, the man that makes you proud.

The man who puts your happiness before his own.

I want to be strong, and steady, and good for you.

I want to be the man you run to when it all falls apart because you know I’m going to be here to catch you, baby, every fucking time. ”

He doesn’t realize it yet… but he’s already that man.

My broken man who’s weathered so many storms, so much pain, and still has good inside of him.

The man who doesn’t want to show the world who he really is because he’s afraid.

But I see him.

I see the man beneath it all.

I see all of these jagged pieces that he believes to be too sharp, too broken to ever repair.

I see the man who has every reason to be bitter and jaded by a world that has never shown him any kindness.

The one who just wants to be touched with love.

The man who just wants to be loved.

The man who just wants someone who’s going to choose him.

Shaking my head, I grasp his face between my hands, forcing his eyes on mine. “You are already that man, Saint. You don’t need to change to be anything other than what you are. The man that I fell in love with.”

We’ve both changed in the last couple ofmonths. I’m not the same girl I was the day I walked into the rink, and I know he isn’t the same guy from that day either.

My exhale stutters against his lips. “You’re right.

You did fuck up. You made a mistake that hurts me.

But Saint… When you love someone, you don’t leave.

You don’t walk away when it’s too much. When they make mistakes.

I don’t need you to prove anything to me, Saint.

You already have. And you just proved it again.

You defended me, protected me, sacrificed for me.

That’s what you do for the people you love.

So no, I’m not going anywhere. Not now and not a year from now.

Not ever. We’re both probably going to make mistakes, do things wrong sometimes, but what matters is that we don’t give up on each other. No matter how hard it gets.”

His arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me flush against him, not an inch of space separating us, and it feels like… home.

Like I’ve been wandering for so long and I’m finally right where I belong.

We’re just two people clinging to each other when everything in our lives is falling apart.

“I love you.” I press my lips against his, holding on as tightly as I can. I’ll always be his anchor when the ground beneath us is unsteady. “And I’ll always be your Golden Girl.”

His lip tilts as he looks down at me. “Fuck yeah you will, baby.”

“Saint…” I trail off, feeling my stomach twist as my head flits to the biggest piece of all of this fucked-up puzzle.

, “God, I just… it feels like there’s more to this.

I know my father, how protective he is of his business and his name.

He would have done everything he could to get the outcome he wanted. ”

It’s sad that I didn’t even doubt what Saint told me, not even for a moment, because I actually believe my dad could be capable of something as heinous as this.

If there’s anything that the last few months have taught me, it’s that my father is nothing like the man I thought I knew.

What I do know is that he would do whatever it takes, hurt whoever is in his path, to get what he wants. I’ve seen that with my own eyes and experienced it firsthand.

Everyone is a pawn. So I feel like there has to be more to this.

My father is a master manipulator. He wouldn’t just rely on lying about Saint’s father; he’d never rely on hearsay alone to protect his brand and his business.

“My father can’t just get away with what he’s done.

He can’t continue to hurt people. To lie, and cheat, and control people without consequence. You can’t just let this go, Saint.”

“No,” Saint says, shaking his head. “I’m done with it, Lennon. Going after your father means going after you , your family, and I’m not letting you get hurt because of his fucked-up decisions. No.”

Protecting me. Always.

This big, brooding man that I love so much.

I sweep the pad of my finger along his cheek. “You’re not going to hurt me. It just… this is not right. None of it. It feels corrupt.”

“Lennon… it’s over, baby. I want us to move forward and leave all of this shit behind. Both your father and mine have stolen too much of our lives, and all I want is to be with you and be at peace. Be fucking happy. Be free.”

Saint places a chaste kiss to my forehead and pulls me into his arms, holding me close to him.

“We will be. Happy and free. We’ll just be us . Okay?” I murmur, cuddling closer to him.

He’s right, our fathers have stolen so much of our lives. But I can’t stop thinking about everything I’ve learned tonight, the shitty things my father has done.

Saint might be ready to let this go, but I’m not.