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FORTY-SIX

LENNON

I have no idea why I’m suddenly nervous, but my palms are clammy as I smooth down the front of my dress.

Again.

“This feels very relationshippy for someone who claims they’re not in a relationship,” Maisie quips from the chair at my vanity, where she’s swiping mascara on her thick, already long lashes in front of the mirror.

I flash her a look, rolling my eyes. “We’re… us. I don’t know, Mais. We haven’t put labels on anything. Plus, this is just hanging out together.”

“Like… a double date?” she teases as she tosses the mascara onto the vanity. “Who is he bringing? Is he cute? Do I know him?”

“I have no idea. I told him to bring a friend, and he said, ‘ I don’t have friends ,’ to which I said, ‘There has to be one person you’d consider a friend,’ and then I realized he’s Saint, and conversation is not his strong suit, so I truly have no idea.”

Shrugging, I glance back at my reflection in the mirror.

I’m not sure if I’m overdressed or underdressed in the bubble-gum-pink minidress I picked out for tonight.

It’s one of my favorites, with a sweetheart neckline and a fitted bodice that flares out into a soft, feminine skirt that stops mid-thighs.

I paired it with a pair of light-colored espadrille wedges that give me a tiny bit of height.

Not that it’ll make much of a difference next to Saint.

We’re just going to Jack’s. Which is casual and right off campus, so it’s always full of college kids.

So it’s not like we’re going to a five-star Michelin restaurant. It’s Jack’s.

But… this is the first time Saint and I have done anything together publicly and with both of our friends.

That’s where the nerves come in. Not even necessarily in a bad way. I’m just unsure of what to expect out of tonight, that’s all.

“Okay, let’s go. We can’t keep your boyf—” Maisie stops, giving me a grin. “I mean… not boyfriend and his not friend waiting. We’re going to be late if you keep staring at yourself in the mirror, babe. You look gorg. Now… let’s go.”

I steal one more quick glance before turning and following her out of my bedroom.

After a quick ride through campus, we find parking along the street outside Jack’s. My stomach growls the moment we step inside, the scent of fresh basil and tomato filling my nose. God, I cannot wait for another pizza burrito.

A smile turns my lips, thinking about the last time.

“Oh, there they are,” Maisie says, and my gaze travels along hers to see Saint, his hulking, broad body squeezed into a booth in the corner. Sitting across from him is a guy with dark, dirty-blond hair, around the same height and even a similar build.

If I had to guess… one of his teammates.

I feel Saint’s eyes on me as I cross the room, and when I lift my gaze, he’s smirking, that signature cocky, small tilt to his lips that I’m admittedly a little obsessed with.

I think I might be becoming obsessed with him just in general, if I’m being honest.

“Hi.” I smile, sliding in beside him. He dips his head to my ear to where only the two of us can hear and whispers, “Yet another little outfit that I want to flip up and fuck you in.”

My eyes widen, nearly popping out of my head at his filthy words. God, it’s ridiculous how much of an effect he has on me. I’m clenching my thighs together beneath the table.

Something he’s all too aware of.

“Behave,” I mumble, pulling a low chuckle out of him. Turning back to Maisie and his friend with my cheeks currently burning as if they’re on fire, I make introductions. “Maisie, this is Saint. Saint, this is my best friend, Maisie.”

He gives her a nod and a small smile. “Hey. This is Bennett.”

“So you do have friends?” Maisie smarts as she angles herself toward who I now know is Bennett and extends her hand. He flashes her a bright smile and slides his into hers.

He reminds me of a Ken doll, but the dirty-blond version. Charming smile, broad shoulders, a dimple in his cheeks.

“Guess so,” Saint mutters.

Bennett grins. “Don’t listen to him. He loves me. He’s just afraid of commitment, so he does it secretly.”

“I tolerate you. Big difference,” Saint retorts.

Both Maisie and I are wearing the same smile as we watch the two of them go back and forth.

“You staying in the group chat says otherwise. Just admit it—we’re friends, and you love me,” Bennett says, and Saint just shakes his head.

“Because you kept adding me five thousand goddamn times. My phone kept going off 24/7.”

“Potato… po-tah-to. The point is you stayed,” Bennett responds, clearly very proud of that fact.

And honestly? He should be. Saint doesn’t make it easy, and I know that firsthand.

I’m glad that Bennett hasn’t given up and he’s forcing Saint out of his comfort zone. He needs friends. People who show up for him, who show him that he’s not unlovable.

It’s slightly ironic that Bennett is the golden retriever to Saint’s black cat.

Clearly night and day.

Saint doesn’t get a reply in, even though I’m sure there’s one on the tip of his tongue, because the waitress comes over to take our order. Obviously, we all get pizza burritos.

“Lennon, you and Mais gonna come to one of our games? We can get you good seats. Perks of being the star goalie,” Bennett says before shoving half a breadstick in his mouth in one huge bite.

I steal one off the plate in front of me and shrug, unsure. “Yeah, if he wants me to.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only reason this dude has ever smiled. Literally, ever ,” Bennett deadpans.

Saint snorts beside me, but when I look over to see the shadow of a faint grin tilting the corner of his lips, my stomach does incessant flips.

“I’ve actually… never been to a hockey game,” Maisie says with a shrug. “But I’m down to go to the boy aquarium.”

A deep laugh slips out of Bennett, his head shaking. “Boy aquarium? The fuck does that even mean?”

She shrugs. “Glass… with hockey boys inside. A… fishbowl ? You know what? Never mind.” Her laugh is soft, suddenly shy as she drops her gaze and looks down at the empty straw paper on the table.

“I like it, blondie.” He grins.

Is my best friend… flirting with Bennett?

I turn to look at Saint, and his dark brow is lifted, eyes bouncing between our friends, and I’m fairly certain he’s thinking the very same thing.

“Thanks for coming tonight. I know ‘peopling’ isn’t really your thing,” I whisper to Saint as we walk out onto the covered back patio of Jack’s, the humid night air blanketing us like a cloak.

In most places around the country, it’s turning to fall, and though leaves have already started to fall in New Orleans, we’re in the middle of hurricane season, and the days are still hot and ungodly humid.

We escaped when Bennett and Maisie get lost in a very intense “discussion” about ocean conservation. He had absolutely no idea what he was getting into by bringing up sea turtles around my tie-dye, Earth-loving best friend.

Saint’s shoulder moves in a shrug. “Apparently, you’re my thing, Golden Girl.” His words warm my insides, sending my heart into overdrive as it beats wildly.

“Am I?” I can barely get them out of my mouth because I’m trembling.

He nods. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Lennon.

And I’m fucking terrified. Terrified that I’m going to fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to me, terrified that I’ll never be worthy of you no matter how hard I try.

But you’re in here.” His fingers curve around my wrist as he lifts my hand and places it on his chest, directly over his heart. “In so fucking deep.”

I try to ignore the heavy swell in my chest as the steady, strong beat of his heart thrums beneath my palm, but it’s no use.

“I don’t know what it means, and I have no fucking clue where to go from here… I just know that I don’t want to be without you. I can’t be without you, baby.” I feel the sting of tears prick behind my eyes when his voice cracks, like it’s raw from emotion.

In a single breath, I’m colliding against his hard, unyielding body, my arms flying around his neck and squeezing him to me as I bury my face into his neck. His strong arms wrap around my back as he lifts me and holds me tightly against him, my feet dangling in the air.

“I’m shit with words… expressing how I feel, Lennon. I’m probably saying all the wrong things, but I’ve never had to communicate any other way than physically,” he whispers raggedly against my hair. And I swear I can actually feel my heart fracturing.

The unspoken words hang so heavily in the air I might choke.

His dad’s abuse. His inability to commit past a hookup, his reputation on the ice. His hesitation to connect with anyone.

I tighten my arms around him as I press my lips to his neck, desperate to somehow get closer, to speak in the only way that he knows how to.

In the way that’s comfortable to him. “It’s okay, Saint.

It’s enough for me. You are enough for me.

I don’t need the perfect words; I just need you.

However that needs to be, okay? We’re just going to be us. That’s it.”

It feels easy to say in the midst of all the complicated because being with Saint is effortless.

Falling for him was as easy as breathing. I think I actually started to fall long before I ever realized it. I was filling my lungs with pieces of him this whole time, never once noticing that he was tangling himself inside of me.

“Don’t leave me. Please, baby,” he whispers, the desperate words so low that I barely hear them, his arms tightening around me as if he’s terrified of the thought.