Page 29 of Text Me A Kiss

Apparently, I needed to make an appointment with my doctor.

I spent the rest of the week floundering between two different states of mind: get things done, and oh my god what the hell am I going to do. The second one won out occasionally over the first day or so, then most of the time after my period still hadn’t started three days later, and by the time I finally went to the appointment just before the last day of finals, I had been on the verge of tears three times today alone.

“So, two were positive and one was negative?” Dr. Sharon asked, clicking around on the computer.

“Yeah.” Dr. Sharon was great. Every time I came here, most often for my toes or some other complaint related to ballet, she made easy, relatable conversation and made me feel comfortable, as a doctor should.

Nothing could make me feel comfortable today.

“Have you taken one since then? After you knew you missed your period?”

“No….” I trailed off. “I couldn’t.”

“No problem. I’m going to send you on over to the lab for a urine test, okay?”

“Thanks.” After all, it wasn’t my doctor’s fault I was here today. She was asking all the right questions, clinically and without judgement, and she knew how confused and shaken I was. The least I could do was be a little polite.

I went to the lab and was sent into a bathroom to do my business. A nail-biting wait followed, but fortunately for my index finger’s health, it wasn’t long.

“Okay, from the results of the urine test, we can be almost certain that you’re pregnant. The next step is a blood test, so the nurse will draw some blood.”

“Should I-” My voice died. “Should I wait to tell anyone?”

“The blood test is really only to be 100% certain. You don’t need to wait to break the news. Urine tests are very reliable, especially several days after a missed period. But, of course, if you’d like to wait until you feel sure, that’s your decision.” She smiled at me. “The nurse will be right with you.” She disappeared.

Sure. Just before finals, I’d been sure what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, and how I wanted to live. Now, I didn’t think I could ever be sure of anything again.

“How soon will I get the results?” I asked a few minutes later, the numbness in my body having nothing to do with my general dislike for needles.

The nurse stopped with the blood sample in her hands. “Probably a few hours, unless the lab is busy.”

So, so, so soon. Was that good or bad?

“Good,” Olivia said immediately, without any of her usual joking tone after I told her what was going on an hour later. “You need to know, Kady. And it sounds like you already know without the blood test.”

“I don’t know,” I said forcefully, emphasizing the “don’t”. “I don’t know anything. Who to tell, what to tell them… how to tell them?” I tangled my fingers into my unbrushed hair, leaning back against the wall of Olivia’s dorm room. “Oh my god. My parents don’t even know I’m seeing someone. What the hell do I tell them? What do I tell Graham?”

“Calm down.” That best-friend-“I’m-trying-to-help” quality came through Olivia’s voice. “You should definitely tell Graham first. He needs and deserves to know. I think you need to tell your parents, too. About everything, not just the pregnancy. Start with a boyfriend. Then tell them who. Then pregnancy.”

“But how?” I asked mournfully. “How do I tell everyone everything?” I searched Olivia’s eyes for answers.

She dove across the bed and hugged me tight. “Just like you told me,” her muffled voice told me from my hair. “Just like you told me.”