Page 31 of Tempted by a Highland Beast (Tales of Love and Lust in the Murray Castle #9)
Lilias reached out to squeeze Rowena’s arm, her touch warm and comforting. “Maybe ’tis nae about avoiding caring,” she said gently. “Maybe ’tis about caring fer someone who’s worthy.”
“And ye think Constantine is?”
“I think he’s a man who’s spent his whole life protecting people who couldn’t protect themselves,” Lilias replied without hesitation.
“I think he understands what it means tae be cast aside and forgotten, and would never dae that tae someone he cared about. And I think he looks at ye like ye’re something precious he never expected tae be allowed tae keep. ”
The words sent warmth spreading through Rowena’s chest, followed immediately by that familiar flutter of panic. “What if it’s nae enough? What if I’m nae enough?”
“What if ye are?” Lilias countered. “What if instead of focusing on all the ways this could go wrong, ye considered all the ways it could go right?”
Rowena stared at the younger woman, struck by the simple wisdom in her words. “When did ye become so wise about matters of the heart?”
Lilias’s cheeks flushed pink, but she didn’t look away.
“When ye spend yer whole life watching other people’s relationships from the outside, ye learn tae see things clearly.
And what I see when I watch ye and Constantine together is two people who could be truly happy if they’d just stop being so afraid of it. ”
They resumed walking, the conversation settling into a more comfortable rhythm. But something had shifted between them, a deeper level of trust and understanding that made Rowena feel less alone with her fears.
“May I tell ye something?” Lilias asked after they’d walked in silence for several minutes.
“Of course.”
Lilias was quiet for a moment, seeming to gather her courage. When she spoke, her voice was small and uncertain in a way that made Rowena’s heart ache.
“I’m scared too,” she admitted. “About what will happen tae me when me faither dies.”
Rowena felt a stab of guilt for being so consumed with her own fears that she’d forgotten Lilias had her own uncertain future to worry about. “What dae ye mean?”
“Fergus was never particularly warm tae me growing up,” Lilias said, her words careful and measured. “I was the child of me faither’s second marriage, and I think he saw me as... unnecessary. A complication he’d have tae deal with eventually.”
“Surely ye don’t think he would have cast ye out?”
Lilias’s laugh was bitter and humorless. “I think he would have sent me tae a nunnery the moment our father died. It would have been the neat, tidy solution—remove the inconvenient half-sister, and eliminate any potential complications around inheritance.”
The casual way she spoke of her own disposal made Rowena’s chest tighten with fury. “That’s monstrous.”
“That’s practical,” Lilias corrected. “And I understood it, even if I didnae like it. Fergus had responsibilities tae the clan, and I was just... extra.”
“Dae ye think Constantine feels the same way?” Rowena asked in horror.
“I dinnae ken what Constantine feels,” Lilias said honestly. “We’ve only just begun tae ken each other, and I’m nae sure he sees me as anything more than another obligation he inherited along with the title. Especially once he has a wife tae consider, children of his own tae plan fer…”
She trailed off, but Rowena could hear the fear in her silence. The terror of being unwanted, displaced, forgotten.
“He’s nae going tae send ye away,” Rowena said firmly.
“How can ye be so certain?”
“Because I’ve seen the way he is with his people,” Rowena replied.
“I’ve watched him take responsibility fer things that weren’t his fault and protect people who couldn’t protect themselves.
Because sending ye away would be the kind of casual cruelty that goes against everything I’ve learned about who he is. ”
Lilias’s eyes were bright with unshed tears. “But what if he daesnae care about me? What if I’m just another burden he’s too honorable tae abandon but too practical tae keep?”
Rowena stopped walking and turned to face the younger woman fully, her expression fierce with protective determination.
“Then I’ll make sure he understands that ye’re nae going anywhere.
If I become Lady of this castle, Lilias, ye’ll always have a place here.
Nae as a burden or an obligation, but as family. ”
The promise seemed to hit Lilias like a physical blow. She stared at Rowena with wide, wondering eyes, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she’d heard.
“Ye’d dae that fer me?”
“Of course I would,” Rowena said simply. “Ye’ve become dear tae me, Lilias. More than dear. Ye’ve become the sister I never had, and I protect what’s mine.”
Tears spilled over Lilias’s lashes, tracking silver paths down her cheeks. “I’ve never had anyone say that tae me before,” she whispered. “That I was wanted. That I belonged somewhere.”
Rowena pulled the girl into a fierce embrace, holding her close as she wept. “Well, ye have it now,” she said firmly. “Whatever else happens, whatever challenges we face, ye have a family. Ye have me.”
They stood like that for several minutes, holding each other in the cold morning air, two women who’d found in each other the acceptance and belonging they’d both been searching for. When Lilias finally pulled back, her eyes were red but bright with something that looked remarkably like hope.
“Thank ye,” she whispered.
“Thank ye,” Rowena replied. “Fer helping me see that maybe caring about someone daesnae have tae mean losing meself. That maybe finding the right people tae care about is what makes ye more yerself, nae less.”
Lilias smiled through her tears. “Daes that mean ye’re going tae stop being afraid of marrying Constantine?”
“I’m going tae try,” Rowena said honestly. “I’m going tae try tae focus on what I might gain instead of what I might lose. And I’m going tae trust that he’s the kind of man who’ll catch me if I fall.”
“He is,” Lilias said with quiet certainty. “He’s exactly that kind of man.”
As they walked back toward the castle, arms linked and hearts lighter than they’d been in weeks, Rowena felt something settle in her chest. The fear was still there—she doubted it would ever fully disappear—but it was balanced now by hope and determination and the knowledge that she wasn’t facing the future alone.
She had Lilias, who’d become the sister of her heart.
She had Constantine, who’d proven himself worthy of her trust even when she’d been too afraid to give it freely.
And she had herself; stronger and braver than she’d ever given herself credit for, ready to fight for the future she was finally brave enough to want.
Whatever came next, they would face it together.