Page 34

She has freckles on her cheeks and golden flakes in her eyes. Then and now. Her hair is lighter now because of the summer sun, but I know from experience it darkens a little in the winter.

Not a lot. Not like mine. But still…

“I’m scared of my own shadow,” she pleads, blinking her eyes clear and swallowing until her throat bobs. “Because I know you’ll hurt me back. It’s as certain as death. And taxes. And that, in itself, is part of the psychological warfare.”

“You make out I’m some kind of evil villain in your story. Which is so interesting, considering I’ve done nothing but love you my whole life.”

“Tommy—”

“Adored you. I fucking worshipped you.” I tighten my arm around her hips and push her shoulder with my free hand, dipping her backward when the music calls for it.

And because I fucking earned it, I’m rewarded with the perfect view of her swollen tits and delicate, outstretched throat.

“Even when we bickered back in the day, fighting and fucking, arguing and making up again,” I pull her up and inhale her explosive breath, “I’ve done nothing but be good to you.

Yet you look over your shoulder and act like I’m the monster? ”

“You know what I mean.” Her eyes darken. “Don’t act like I’m wrong.”

“You want me to admit I have some long con going?” I tug her in again and thrill at how perfectly her body fits against mine.

She was the exact right size for me back then, and she’s exactly right for me now, too.

“You’re the one who left, Alana. And you’re the one who came back.

You’re living your life, and I’m living mine, but somehow, in your mind, you’ve convinced yourself I’ve got a plan for payback? ”

“I know you.” Her eyes sparkle with tears she won’t let fall.

Anger she tries so fucking hard to bottle up.

“Why don’t you just say all the mean things you wanna say?

Be cruel and horrible and take back the power I stole from you.

Sever the ties that used to bind us, so then I might have a chance to get on with my life. ”

“Me, sever the ties?” I scoff. “Babe, you did that already, remember? It was right around graduation. We’d been talking about getting married, and we didn’t even care what everyone else thought.

We knew we were young and that people would have somethin’ to say about it, and we especially knew the better-to-do folks would disapprove because I’m just Tommy Watkins, and you were way too good to slum with this kind of trash. ”

Her chest shudders, visibly rocking against mine. “Tommy?—”

“We were talking about New York. You were gonna go to school, and I was gonna find a job. Didn’t matter what it was, so long as it paid enough to cover rent and food since I was never gonna let you be cold or hungry.”

“Tommy, stop.”

“We had those plans, and you even said it was cool that Chris came, too. You were totally fucking insistent on it, swearing you didn’t mind.

So there I was, drunk on love and bursting with big plans, then you just…

you went cold on me. We were fine, and then we weren’t.

Somewhere between prom and graduation, everything went to hell, but you kept saying it was okay.

That’s what you do, isn’t it? You say things are fine, even when they aren’t.

” I wrinkle my nose. “In fact, I remember you screaming it in my face. Nothing is wrong, Tommy! Just leave me alone! ”

A single, fat tear swells over and dribbles onto her cheek.

“I didn’t wanna leave you alone. That’s not what I do…

did,” I amend, my own words like a lash across my heart.

“We fight it out until we figure it out. But you didn’t let us.

We were fine, and then we weren’t, and when I gave you the space you screamed for—just one fucking night, Alana—you weren’t where I left you when I came back the next day. ”

She drops her head, crashing her face against my chest.

“Are those the ties you want me to sever?” I snarl. “Because I don’t know if you noticed, but you snipped those motherfuckers ten years ago. Now you want to get on with your life but act like I’m the bad guy?”

She tries to pull away, to shake my hands off and turn and do what it is she’s so fucking good at— leave . But I yank her back, crushing her so close she has no choice but to bend her neck and rest her chin on my chest.

“You don’t get to be the victim in our story.

You made your choices, and for whatever reasons you had, those same reasons you choose not to share with me, at least you got to have an opinion on the direction of your life.

The rest of us fucking trash you left behind in Plainview, we were just the fallout of your storm.

You were a hurricane, and I was the house I thought I was building for our futures.

But you blew right through me, babe, and it was so fucking unexpected, I didn’t have time to find shelter. ”

She tries again to pull away, grunting in the back of her throat and growling when I tug her back in.

“You don’t get to stand there with tears in your eyes and act like I’m the asshole!”

“Let her go.” Ollie stops on my right, surprising me with his calmness and the gentle hand he lays over mine.

Then he peels my fingers back, revealing the marks I leave on her skin and the rush of blood that refills her digits now that circulation can restart.

“Come on.” He gently pushes us apart, freeing her from my steely grip.

Alana stumbles back, whimpering and spinning on her heels, then she strides away without a backward glance. With every step she takes, my heart aches. For every foot she places between us, my soul trembles.

“You can’t do that, Tommy.” Ollie comes around and searches my eyes. Because he knows me better than I know myself, he sets his hand on my chest and pushes me back since we both know I’d sooner barrel right through him and chase her.

“Either you back up, maybe go hang with the girls we came here with, or you go the fuck home.” He shakes his head, the movement barely penetrating my consciousness.

Because my eyes are on Alana as she shakily climbs onto a barstool, scooping her dress under her backside and using a napkin to wipe her nose.

“She thinks I’m the bad guy.” I want to puke. Or smash something. Or scream, even. I’ll take any of the above. “She comes around, crying about how mean I am and how she’s scared of her own shadow. She thinks I’m the fucking problem!”

“She can feel scared and sad, even if she was the one who left. Hey?” He claps my cheek and commands my eyes back to his. “More than one thing can be true at the same time. She left, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t hurting for it. Now walk.”

“Where’s Chris?” I back up until his hand falls from my face, then I consider knocking him on his ass and walking over his corpse if it means sitting at the bar beside Alana and continuing this conversation.

But my life didn’t start with her. No matter how much it feels like it did, she wasn’t there from day one.

Chris was.

So I turn on my heels and stalk toward the slot machines out back. “He in the smoking area?”