Page 44 of Tear Me Apart

When her hair is dry and tied back in a ponytail, Jasper helps her change the sheets and put the room back into place.

“Sorry it was such a mess. I rushed to the office this morning.”

“It’s fine, babe. Don’t worry. I wasn’t mad at the mess. I’m mad at the whole situation.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to see you feeling something. You’ve been on autopilot for a while now. What happened to your arm?”

The bandage is secure, thank heavens. “Just a scratch. Nothing to worry about.”

“You’d tell me...”

“Of course. It’s all good. I’m hungry, how about you?”

They’ve been married long enough for Jasper to know when to back off.

They make dinner, still not speaking of Mindy, of her absence at their family meal, of their absence at her bedside. It is strange and feels wrong, but something tells her she needs this. Needs the space. She’ll be a much better mother and wife if she takes care of herself, even if she only indulges in a long shower and sex and a good night’s sleep.

She is pleased to see the kitchen is provisioned well enough and sets about making French onion soup. She caramelizes the onions, the fragrant scents of butter and sherry making her mouth water. When the onions are done, she adds the stock and sets it to simmer, then pulls a baguette out of the freezer and puts it in the oven. Shredding the Gruyère, she goes slower than normal, being careful, cautious. Lets the slow scrape of the fragrant cheese against the metal teeth soothe her.

She still has no idea how she is going to explain things. But food and sex are a good buffer. She’ll tell him after dinner. Wine, she should open wine, too. French, one of the burgundies, maybe splurge with a Pomerol?

“So what’s the big secret you need to tell me?” Jasper plops down on one of the kitchen stools, facing her. It brings them to eye level; he is much taller than she is. She stops grating.

“Here, give me that. Go stir the soup.”

She hands over the cheese and shredder, using the moment to school her face. When she turns back, she takes a deep breath.

“Why do you think I have a secret?”

He gives her that lopsided smile she loves so much. “Babe, we’ve been married for a very, very long time. I can tell when you need to tell me something. Spit it out, you’ll feel much better.”

She takes the cheese from him and sets it aside.

“Please don’t hate me for not telling you this sooner.”

“I could never hate you, Lauren. I love you. Now, what’s going on?”

She chews on her lip briefly, then blurts it out. “I adopted Mindy before she was born.”

There are many reactions she expects from him, but cool acceptance isn’t one of them. “Is that why neither you nor Juliet was a match?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me when we met? Do you think it would have made a difference to me?”

“Well, yes, actually, I did. It’s one thing to be with a woman who has a child, but if that woman has chosen to bring the child into her life, and it’s not hers...”

“That is the dumbest logic I think I’ve ever heard.”

“You are taking this very well.”

“No, I’m really not. Inside I’m screaming at you.” Jasper scrubs his hand across his face, his stubble rasping. “That girl is my greatest gift. I knew it from the moment I met you and met her. It makes no difference to me who birthed her. Though I am hurt—hurt as hell—that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”

“I am so sorry.”

“So am I. You’ve broken the trust between us. Just when we need it the most.”

He sounds so sad, it makes her want to weep. He is trying to look into her eyes as if seeing into her soul will help him understand, but she averts her gaze. It hurts too much, seeing the pain she’s caused. She is a coward. Such a coward.