Page 39 of Tear Me Apart

When she finally finds words, her tone is curious, detached. Not at all the judgmental little sister, but the rational scientist solving a puzzle.

“How could you not tell Jasper?”

“Because he didn’t care. When I met him, Mindy was a tiny, squalling, milk-sucking beastie. That’s all he knew. He was madly in love with her from day one, bless him. What did it matter?”

“I don’t know—he might think differently about her, about you?”

“She wasn’t his, and he loved her anyway. It wouldn’t have made a difference to him if he’d known I adopted her. He wouldn’t have cared. It didn’t matter,” she emphasizes again. “She’s mine. She ismine.”

“I understand how you feel. No one could have been a better mother to Mindy, Lauren. You’re an incredible mother. But she’snotbiologically yours. And she’s sick. And we need to find a donor. Which means you need to ’fess up, big sister, to all of it, so we can go find Mindy’s birth mother and get her tested, right away.”

Lauren shakes her head. “It’s impossible.”

“I work for the CBI. Trust me when I say nothing is impossible.”

“But this is. I don’t know who the biological mother is. I don’t have an address. I don’t even remember the girl’s name, if I ever knew her real one, which I seriously doubt. She was a sweet, mixed-up Hispanic teenager who barely spoke English and was thrilled to be rid of the baby. Trust me, I doubt she’s ever looked back. I know I haven’t.”

“You paid her money. There will be a record—”

“Cash. Up front. No receipt. All that paperwork made me feel like I was buying a child, so I—we—agreed not to have any. There are no records to find.”

“Give me the doctor’s name, then.”

“I don’t have it.”

“Now you’re being stubborn.”

Lauren slams her fist into the dashboard. “You don’t understand.”

“I do understand. You’re trying to save your own skin because you’re worried Jasper is going to boot you out the door when he finds out you’ve been lying to him all these years.”

“No, you don’t understand. It’s impossible. The doctor has absolutely no information on the girl, no records, nothing. It was a closed, private adoption, with legal guarantees that I will never try to contact the birth mother.”

“In other words, it was an illegal adoption.”

“No. Not...illegal. I guaranteed I would never try to find her, that’s all.”

“Well, now you’re going to break that vow.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. Because if you don’t, I will.”

Lauren stares at her little sister. “What do you mean, you will? You will do nothing of the sort. This is my family, my decision. You don’t have a say.”

“I don’t have a say? She’s my niece. And I won’t let her die if there’s a way to save her life. You can’t possibly think you’re going to be able to keep this secret, do you? The doctors know she’s not your biological child. How long will it be before they slip in front of Jasper? He’s not stupid. He knows something’s wrong.”

“That’s not true.”

“You really do have blinders on, big sister. Everyone knows something’s up with you. Look at you. You’re disintegrating before our eyes. Look at your arm.”

Lauren glances down. She is bleeding again, has been clawing at her skin while Juliet confronts her. Juliet feels a strange recognition with this gesture, something long hidden rearing up. A fragment from the past, barely even a memory. Lauren across from her at the big round wooden table, the red checked tablecloth—it was Colorado, we got that at Target—playing with a bandage on her arm, fraying the edges, and their mother smacking Lauren’s hand away, yelling, “Stop doing that!”

Juliet doesn’t recall seeing Lauren do it ever again. Until now.

“Juliet, if Mindy dies—”

“If she dies,thenyou’ll tell? You think that will make this all right? This lie? This epic, world-changing lie?”