Page 23 of Tangled Desires
“No. We’ll do the pink one first, then the blue digital to confirm,” Isla says.
The sweat’s already trickling down my temples, making me want to vomit. My hands won’t stop shaking, but I force myself to follow the instructions. Isla says she’s going to step out, then comes back with little Callie in her arms.
“Want me to wait outside for you?”
“No! I need you here.” I practically choke on the words. “I’m… scared.”
“It’s okay, Midge. That’s normal,” she says, her voice soft. “It’s a big deal, but it could be negative. Then it really is just some crappy stomach bug.”
“What if it’s positive?” I whisper, the question heavy in my chest.
“We’ll deal with that,ifit happens.” Isla reassures me. “One step at a time.”
I try to focus on her words, but a sinking feeling settles in my chest. I know the chances are high. Unprotected sex, no condom... I’m just choosing to ignore it for now, pretending it’s not happening. I force a shaky breath as I unwrap the test. The moment stretches on, endless. Isla stays close, her silent presence grounding me, but I can barely breathe. The instructions blur in front of my eyes, but I push through and do what I need to. I set the stick down on the bench.
Five minutes pass… then ten.
“I can’t look,” I mutter. “You look at it, please. Tell me.”
She takes it gently, eyes fixed on the small window where the result is supposed to show. Time slows. A thought flashes—what if I want it to be positive? The realisation hits hard, like a punch to the gut. I glance at Isla. Her face is unreadable.
“What? Is it negative? It is, isn’t it?”
Isla shakes her head, but I can’t tell if it’s a confirmation or not. I snap, grabbing the test from her hand. A faint cross.
I rip the box open, eyes scanning.
Positive. Positive. Oh, fuck.
I exhale, like I’ve been holding my breath forever. I look at Isla, dazed. “It’s… positive. It’s…” My words fizzle out, the weight of it hitting me all at once.
“I know, Midge.”
My insides turn upside down—fear, shock, and a strange flicker of something else. Hope? But the line’s faint. “Should I do another one?”
“You can,” Isla says, rubbing my back. “But give it a minute. Drink some more water and try the digital one.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m sitting on the couch, staring at the two tests like they’re about to swallow me whole. One has a cross, the other saysPregnant 2-3 Weeks. My stomach tightens, nausea creeping in.
A baby. My baby.
The words feel foreign, heavy, like they don’t belong to me. Can I even do this? Am I capable? I’ve never had that kind of love... how the hell do I raise a kid without it? The fear hits like a punch. The doubt, the panic, thewhat the hell do I do now—they all crash over me. My vision blurs as tears spill down my face.
“Crap, Isla,” I choke out. “I’m scared. What if… What if I’m a shit mum? What if I can’t do this? I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Isla’s hand finds mine, pulling me into her without a word. I can’t breathe, but she’s there, and somehow, that makes it a little easier.
“Hey, listen,” she says softly. “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. There are options.”
The word hangs in the air—options. Abortion. My stomach twists. No. I can’t go there. Even through the storm of panic thrumming in my chest, there’s a quiet voice in the back of my mind whispering that maybe this happened for a reason.
It feels surreal, almost cruel. Doctors told me it wouldn’t happen—that I might need to freeze my eggs if I ever wanted a chance. And now, here I am, staring down at these two tests. I sniffle, wiping at my damp cheeks as I try to make sense of it all.Of course, this is what happens when you’re reckless, but I never thought I’d actually end up here. Pregnant.
“No. I think… I think I want to keep it,” I say quietly.
“It’s a lot, I know. But you don’t have to do this alone. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.” Her words feel like a lifeline, grounding me, until her expression shifts. A flicker of hesitation darkens her eyes. “Harrison needs to know.”
My chest tightens, the fragile calm I’d just found splintering. “What?” I whisper.
“I know this is overwhelming, and the idea of telling him is terrifying. But he deserves to know, Midge. This isn’t something you can keep from him.” She searches my face, waiting for a reaction.
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