Page 76

SANJANA

I woke to the dulcet, deeply unwelcome sound of Cade Voss belting out Boats N Hoes like he was auditioning for a frat boy musical.

I groaned and shoved my face into the nearest pillow.

Behind me, Ryder chuckled, low and gravelly.

At some point during the night, we’d shifted into big spoon, little spoon, his solid chest warm against my back, one arm heavy and possessive around my waist.

“Why is he like this?” I mumbled, my eyes still shut.

Ryder’s arm tightened slightly, his voice rough with sleep. “Because the woman who birthed him tried and failed to smother him in his crib.”

My eyes flew open. I twisted to glare at him. “That’s not funny.”

He grinned, unapologetic. “We think it is.”

“That woman was a monster.”

“Nah,” he said, tone cooling. “Even monsters know what they are. She was just a waste of oxygen.” He looked at me then, the sharpness in his eyes fading into something softer. “Good morning, by the way.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my shoulder. “You sleep okay?”

“Best sleep I’ve had in a long time,” I admitted.

“You’re welcome.” His voice was a husky rasp against my shoulder.

I smiled, even as I rolled my eyes. “So humble.”

He chuckled and pressed another lazy kiss to my skin, like he wasn’t ready to move either. I thought about last night. His mouth. His hands. His voice.

The way he looked at me.

The things he said and the things we did.

I took an inventory of everything I was feeling. I wasn’t sorry. My voice of doubt and insecurity, well, she hadn’t arrived yet, though I was sure she’d show up eventually, loud and screeching like the raving bitch she always was, but I didn’t regret a single second.

I was awake now, though, and morning didn’t lie the way midnight did.

I’d cheated on Ashton. Not just emotionally, though we’d been tangled up in a mess of near-misses and blurred lines for months, but physically.

Last night, I hadn’t just stepped over a boundary.

I torched it and watched it burn while I wrapped myself around the one man I loved more than words.

And Ryder… he had Brooke.

Whatever they were, it wasn’t over.

Did that make me a bad person? Part of me didn’t care, and the other wished we’d both ended our relationships before it got to this point.

His hand suddenly wrapped around my throat from behind. “The mental gymnastics you’re doing, stop.”

Of course, he knew where my mind was. He always did. Ryder could read my silences better than most people could understand my words. His lips grazed just beneath my ear. “From now on, whenever you get too far in your head, I’m dragging you out.”

I exhaled slowly, the tension unwinding as I tilted my head enough to glance back at him. “You already are.”

His thumb stroked the side of my neck where he held me, and I reached up to cover his hand with mine. Holding onto our last quiet, stolen moment before reality fully crept back in.

“What are your plans this morning?”

He slid his hand from my neck to rest low on my stomach, fingers splayed like he wasn’t ready to let go. “Me and Cade are meeting everyone for breakfast at Grandpa Fred’s. Do you want to come? He’d love to see you.”

I smiled, touched by the offer. “Maybe next time. Sugarmama’s cooking a big breakfast this morning, and if I skip, she’ll never let me forget it.”

“I miss her cooking.” His lips grazed the curve of my jaw, lingering until I swatted at him with a laugh.

“Okay,” I sighed, “I need to use the bathroom and get some clothes on.”

Ryder didn’t move. “I prefer you just like this.”

“I’m sure you do,” I mumbled, nudging him lightly. “Can you roll over or something?”

He grinned, his sleep-messed hair making him look annoyingly attractive. “Getting shy on me now?”

“No.” I hesitated, searching for the words. “It’s just… different in the daylight.” Last night was wrapped in shadow and warmth. Now, the sun snuck through the closed drapes, brushing over skin and doubt. The blanket barely covered me, and I was acutely aware of every inch of my body.

Without warning, he leaned down and bit my shoulder.

“Ow!” I slapped his chest. “Why would you bite me?”

“I told you I would drag you back,” he retorted with zero remorse, grinning as he kissed the spot to soothe it.

“Stop that, too,” I warned.

“I’ll stop when you do.” His voice was a low hum. “You’re beautiful, Sass. I mean that. I’m going to keep showing and telling you until you believe it too.”

From somewhere beyond the door, Cade’s voice rang out. “Bite her later. We don’t have time for y’all to start exploring kinks!”

My face flamed. “Look what you did.”

Ryder laughed under his breath. “You’re even prettier when you blush.”

He pressed one more kiss to my cheek, then finally got out of bed. “I’ll be right back,” he said, glancing at me over his shoulder before stepping out of the room and quietly shutting the door behind him.

I got up too, going into the closet to grab a change of clothes.

Nothing fancy, just leggings and an oversized sweater, a bra too.

I bundled everything in one arm and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

It was still early, 9:15 AM. I had no need to rush yet.

I checked my notifications and saw there was only one new text, and from Ashton.

ASH

You up?

The words sat there so innocently, but they didn’t feel like either of those things anymore. I was going to hold off on texting him back until after breakfast. I entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind me and sealing myself in a space that felt both modern and serene.

There was a freestanding tub that sat like a sculpture in front of a frosted window. Gold fixtures. A large walk-in shower that could hold at least six people. I knew that from experience.

I put my clothes down on the counter beside my phone. I used the bathroom, and as I washed my hands, I finally let myself look in the mirror. My reflection stared back at me with nothing but honesty.

No makeup.

No jewelry aside from my half of the best friend necklace resting against my chest. My skin still held the flush of sleep and leftover sin.

My long hair was a bit messy from his hands.

Where my neck and shoulder met now held a faint bite mark.

This morning, even with my reservations, I was happy enough that while standing in the brutal clarity of daylight, bare and exposed, I didn’t pick out all my flaws or hate the woman staring back at me.

In fact, I might have liked her a little more than usual.

I may have been sore in places thanks to Dennis, but after some much-needed, uninterrupted sleep, my eyes looked clearer than they had in weeks.

The multiple orgasms probably didn’t hurt either.

I grabbed the bathroom caddy kept stocked for me from under the vanity, and pulled out my morning essentials: toothbrush, face wash, a brush, and one of the many ponytail holders I could never seem to keep track of.

The water from the right sink was already warming as I went through the motions.

Brushing my teeth. Washing my face. Twisting the cap back onto the mouthwash with one hand while patting my skin dry with a facial towel.

The door opened just as I was about to start brushing out my hair.

Ryder strolled in and shut it with a flick of his wrist.

“I must have been so out of it I didn’t hear you knock,” I said, dryly.

He came up behind me, and I caught the Listerine on his breath. I could tell he’d washed his face too. No surprise there. “If I knocked, you wouldn’t have opened it.”

I caught his gaze in the mirror. “I might’ve, after I had clothes on.”

He smirked, a lazy, dangerous curve of his mouth. “See? You wouldn’t have. You never make it easy. That’s what I like about you.”

I scoffed. “I don’t think I’ve made it all that hard for you.”

“Is that a joke? You’ve had me working for it for more than a decade.”

I gave him a side glance. “Okay, let’s not exaggerate.”

He gently tugged the brush from my hand. “Let me.”

Without waiting for permission, he started brushing, dragging the bristles through my hair with utmost concentration. I couldn’t stop the wide smile spreading across my face as I watched him.

“I fucking love when you smile like that.”

“All thanks to you. You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Ryder Voss.”

“Just you, Sass,” he replied with certainty. “Only you.”

My stomach did a flip.

God, it should’ve been criminal to feel this happy despite everything. Still, my heart swelled from how I loved him. It hadn’t escaped my notice that I hadn’t tried to cover up once.

“What are you thinking now?” Ryder asked.

“You mean you don’t know?” I teased.

“My mind reading powers may not be as good as yours,” he joked, brushing the ends of my hair with slow, methodical strokes, “but I know when my girl’s happy. When she’s sad. When she’s overthinking, which is—let’s be honest—ninety percent of the time.”

I smirked. “Just thinking.”

He laughed. “Obviously.”

“Maybe I’m thinking I like you domesticated.”

His eyes sparked in the mirror, the corner of his mouth lifting.

“Domesticated, huh?” He leaned in, lips brushing just behind my ear.

“Careful. You keep saying shit like that, and I might be tempted to start showing you my plans for our wedding venue, future home, and the headstone I already picked out.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. That was the thing about him, I would think something was a joke right up until I realized it wasn’t. “You’ve already picked out your headstone?”

His grin sharpened. “ Our headstone. Since we’ll be going together. Can’t have your name next to anyone else’s.”

A laugh caught in my throat, spawned from half panic, half something dangerously close to swooning. “You’re insane.”

“I’m yours,” he said simply.

He set the brush down with care, then gathered my hair again, running his hand from crown to tip like he was memorizing the strands by touch.