Page 64

Ugh. That was cute. Unfairly so. I wasn’t about to tell him that, though. “Better question, why did you find me?”

His lips quirked, a dangerous curve threatening to become a smile. “To make you stop being mad at me.”

“I’m not mad?” My confusion made the truth sound more like a question.

He tilted his head. “If you weren’t, do you think I’d be following you through the library like a fucking stalker?”

“If I were mad, cornering me between Social Cognition and Experimental Psych might not be your best strategy.”

“Cornering you?” He made a show of looking both ways. “You could get away at any time.”

“Maybe you’re holding me hostage with willpower alone.”

He came up behind me. “If I were holding you hostage, Sassy, you wouldn’t be talking, and your hands wouldn’t be free.”

My breath caught. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling and failed.

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest as he pressed against me close enough for heat to crawl down my spine. “I never thought I’d see you blushing over such innocent words,” he teased.

I tried to glare at him over my shoulder, but I knew my face was betraying me. “Shut up.”

I rose on tiptoes to grab my book, spotting the embossed title on a spine. His hand beat me to it, easily pulling it from the shelf. When I turned, I had to tilt my head all the way back to meet his eyes. I almost thanked him, but when I reached for it, he didn’t let go.

“Back to my original reason for coming all this way. If you weren’t mad. Why didn’t you text me back? You wouldn’t even look at me this morning.” His voice dipped lower. “Is this about last night? Are you doing that thing where you pretend none of it happened?”

“It isn’t about last night,” I murmured.

He let me take the book but wouldn’t let me move away from him. His fingers found my jaw, gently redirecting my focus back to his face. “Tell me you trust me again.”

I looked up into those maddening eyes and didn’t hesitate.

“Always.”

His hand slid to the nape of my neck. “That’s all I need from you right now. Remember that no matter what, okay?”

I nodded, barely.

His nose brushed mine, lips skimming mine so lightly it might’ve been breath. I wanted this—wanted him—so badly it hurt. I held myself in check by thinking of my resolve to try and do things right, at least in this regard.

“I trust you with my life, Rye, but this has to stop.” I placed a hand on his chest.

“What has to stop?”

“You—we—have to stop touching like this.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

He exhaled heavily. “I can’t stop.”

“You’re going to have to,” I whispered, pressing my palm harder against his chest. “I didn’t look at you this morning because you were with her, Ryder. I’m not going to be your dirty secret while we figure everything else out.”

His hand slammed into the shelf beside my head, the sound loud enough to make me jump. Not from fear. I had never feared him, but the sheer force of it echoed like a warning shot. His other hand gripped my hip, rough and possessive, anchoring me in place.

“I would never fucking hide you.” His tone was laced with something I both recognized and craved.

“Ryder,” I warned, glancing both ways down the aisle. I was surprised someone hadn’t come running to investigate the noise yet.

I prayed they didn’t.

The rumor mill at Crowsfell was bloodthirsty, and if someone caught us like this, pressed together in the stacks, it’d be social media gold.

“Look at me,” he ordered softly.

I dragged my eyes back to him.

“You think I want her?”

“I know you say you don’t, but you were holding her hand. You were smiling at her….” I trailed off, feeling embarrassed by how these thoughts sounded when translated out loud. “I’m not trying to behave like some jealous, territorial girl, but—”

“You are,” he cut in, a crooked, cruel smile tugging at his mouth. “I fucking love that, but you don’t have anything to worry about, Sass.”

I sighed. “I have no right to be upset. It’s not like I’m yours.”

His jaw flexed.

I realized I’d pushed him too far. He was frustrated. Real, bitter frustration that came from me not accepting what he’d been making obvious over and over. Ryder Voss didn’t lose control. He was control. Patience and power wrapped in a beautiful package.

Except right now, because of me.

"How many times are we going to do this?” He pressed against me, his chest rising, his breath grazing mine. “This in-between bullshit? You pretending we’re still walking some undefined line when we both know we crossed it a long time ago? It has to stop.”

“I know,” I agreed softly.

“You are mine, Sassy. Whether you say it out loud or not. You always have been. Always fucking will be. I’m trying to protect this, to do it right like you wanted and I need.

” His voice dropped to a rasp, raw and splintered.

“I couldn’t sleep last night because all I could see was you.

You think I gave her a single thought when I was in bed, fucking my hand for the second time to the sound of your voice breaking in my ear? ”

He lowered his head, forehead pressing to mine.

“Don’t insult what this is by pretending there's a single goddamn part of me that isn’t already yours.

I’d go to war with the whole damn world to carve your name into its center.

I’d paint these fucking walls in blood and write it like scripture before I ever let you think you’re something to be hidden away.

” His nose brushed mine. His voice, when it came again, was quieter, but no less lethal.

“You could never be my secret. I want everyone to know you’re the obsession I don’t know how to live without. ”

His mouth skimmed my jaw, then the shell of my ear. “I touch you because not touching you feels like dying. I’ve had to survive that already, Sass. I’m not fucking doing it again.”

I stared up at him at a loss for words, my heart hammering, clutching my book tighter.

My thighs pressed together, a hopeless attempt to suppress the need between them.

The heat between us was unbearable, every breath heavy with everything we weren’t allowed to do—yet.

My head dropped back against the shelf as I struggled past the desire, the twisted urge to tell him to just take me somewhere—anywhere—and finally get this over with.

I kept telling myself I was doing the right thing, that holding back meant I was protecting people. That was a favorite lie of mine, one that I dressed up with good intentions.

The truth was, I wasn’t that noble. I held back because I knew it wouldn’t stop there. I would lose myself in him, completely. He’d ruin me in ways I’d never come back from, break me down until I belonged to him in ways no one else ever could. And I’d let him--gladly.

Some would call it toxic.

Others would call it dangerous.

I’d call it ours, and make sure I ruined him for anyone else but me right back. I had spent so long convincing myself this could never happen, watching him flirt, watching girls throw themselves at him, watching him be with someone else.

I told myself that it was love, too. The quiet, one-sided kind that meant letting him go.

I had tried to accept that the closest we’d ever get was memories and maybes.

That one day, I’d be clapping at his wedding, smiling on the outside while dying on the inside.

Now I was finding out he’d wanted me from the beginning, and I was too in denial to ever see it.

One version of us had always hurt to imagine, but this one felt surreal.

I didn’t want him to be frustrated over it.

I exhaled slowly, forcing a small smile as my fingers curled around the edge of his jacket.

“I heard you, Ryder. Every word. I need to catch up to where you’re at with all this and not get lost in the process.

” I pulled back slightly. “Besides… if you ruin me too fast, you’ll miss out on all the ways I plan on ruining you back. ”

He grinned. “I like this. I want more of it. You unfiltered, saying shit you don’t even realize wrecks me in the best way.”

I smiled back at him. “We’re okay then?”

“We’ll always be okay, Sass. Even with the growing pains.

We’ve been each other’s everything our whole lives.

This is an adjustment, but it won’t be hard.

Not for us.” He leaned in one last time and pressed a kiss to my forehead, my favorite kind.

Then he stepped back and held out his hand.

“Now give me your hand and stop stressing that beautiful brain of yours.”

I didn’t hesitate.

I slid my fingers through his, holding his hand like I had a million times before, and cradled my book with the other.

We walked in silence down the aisle of towering books, the weight of what just happened lingering between us.

In a few hours, we’d be homebound. Crowsfell and all the people that came with it were out of the way this weekend, and I had a sinking suspicion he planned to take full advantage of that fact.

“What do you have to do next?”

“Heading to the gym with the guys before conditioning,” he answered, his thumb brushing lazy circles over my knuckles like he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

“Just don’t overwork yourself.”

He smirked, cocky and unbothered. “You know me. I can handle anything.”

“God, you’re such a guy.”

He leaned closer as we descended the stairs, all heat and arrogance. “Gotta stay in shape for football… and so I can toss my girl around a room. Maybe press her against a wall or two.”

“Stop it.” I nudged him with my shoulder, unable to stop the flush that bloomed up my neck, or the way my fingers tightened around his.

He glanced down, curiosity flickering in his eyes. “I’m guessing that books for your paper due next Thursday?”

I looked up at him, amused. For as long as I could remember, he memorized my class schedules before I did and always knew what assignments I had coming up.

“That’s exactly what it’s for.” I lifted the book to give him a better look at it.