Page 21 of Sweet Temptation (Love & Legacy #1)

LEXIE

We’re all haunted by the same two ghosts ?—

the ghost of the things we’ll never get to experience and the ghost of the things we’ll never forget. I’m not sure which is worse.

—Lexie’s Secret Thoughts

I sit in the backyard under the covered porch that night, watching the heavy raindrops hit the pool, thinking about what I was doing during the last storm. Remembering how it felt. How he looked. What he said.

And my heart hurts.

For Lucky. For me.

For my family.

Life’s a real bitch some days, and today, it was extra cruel.

My head’s a mess.

My heart’s a mess.

And my lungs are a mess.

Just another day.

Linc pops his head outside and looks at the storm. “Guess it’s a good thing I put the top on the Jeep earlier.”

“Guess so,” I agree and turn to look at him. He’s got a bag slung over his shoulder and a sheepish look in his eyes. “You out of here?”

“Yeah. Don’t wait up.”

I wrap my chunky cream cable-knit blanket around myself and tuck my feet inside as I turn back to the pool “Hey, Linc... Have you seen Lucky?”

“Yeah. He just got home. He’s in the kitchen.”

“Thanks. Love you,” I murmur, not sure why I’m relieved.

“You okay, Lex?”

“Yup. See you tomorrow.” I want him to go and have fun, not listen to me cry, so I push him to leave. It’s easier that way.

I hear a faint hey, man, before the door closes and then reopens in the next instant. Chills break out along my skin with awareness. Lucky.

“You made me an omelet,” he says as he sits next to me on the couch, careful not to touch but close enough that he could. He’s showered and changed since I saw him. His shorts and tank are gone. Replaced with sweats and no shirt. Like he knew I couldn’t resist him like this.

Not like I’ve ever really been able to resist Lucky Beneventi at all.

Not since I realized boys weren’t gross.

Not since I knew I wanted this one to kiss me.

“I had to make sure you knew what they should look like. I was starting to wonder,” I lie dryly, no humor in my voice.

“I’d offer you some, but you put cheese on it.” Lucky sits with his legs spread widely, invading my space and my senses. He smells like crisp, clean soap, mixed with that naturally delicious scent that’s all him.

“I made it for you. I don’t want any, but thank you.” I look away. Back at the pool. Anywhere but at him. It’s safer this way. For him and for me. “What I did wasn’t fair, Lucky. I shouldn’t have asked you to give me one night. I shouldn’t have asked you for anything.”

“Lex...” He puts his plate on the coffee table and moves in front of me, his bright baby-blue eyes on fire.

“What’s this one-night shit? I want so much more than one fucking night with you.

So if that’s all you’re offering, you better be prepared for a fight because I’m not okay with that.

And I shouldn’t have let you think I was. ”

“You didn’t listen,” I argue. “You never have.”

“Yeah. I’m not great at that. But I can promise to work on it. You’re not great at sharing your feelings, so how about you promise to work on that too? We can meet in the middle. I hear that’s how relationships work.”

“I can’t have a relationship, Lucky.” I cling to my blanket as he reaches for me with gentle hands and drags me closer. “You have to listen to me.”

“What’s wrong, dolcezza ? There’s more to this than you’re telling me.” His hands rub my calves as he throws my legs over his lap, and I let him. “Was everything okay at the doctor’s?”

I shake my head, not sure I’m ready to talk about that.

Not sure I’m ready to talk about any of this.

Not with him or my parents or my friends.

His palm slides to my cheek, and I close my eyes.

I should pull away. I’m still mad at him.

I shouldn’t want him to touch me. Shouldn’t want the comfort it brings.

But I do. I lean into it and feel the weight sitting on my shoulders and my chest weighing me down like a ten-ton boulder when I do.

“I don’t honestly even understand why you’d want a relationship with me, Lucky. I’m a bad bet.”

“Lexie, do you really not know?” he asks quietly, disappointment clear in every word.

“Should I? Before the other night, when have we ever done anything but fight?” I push back, but the words are weak.

“There’s never been an us, Lucky. Why would I think any differently.

You were my brother’s best friend. Not mine.

I’m not sure I would even classify us as friends before I moved home. ”

Lucky

L ochlan’s words from the beach echo in my mind, ringing true as much today as they did that morning. Fuck this. “You might not be lying to me, but you better believe you’re lying to yourself, Lex. We didn’t just start. We’ve always been brewing. There’s always been an us, and you know it.”

“You’re right.” Her beautiful face softens, and tears pool in her eyes.

“There was an us. But that was a long time ago. I used to trust you with my life. I used to think you were the one person who understood me. You never treated me like my brothers or my parents. You never made me feel like I needed to live in a glass cage, always needing to be protected. And you left. You ran away as fast as you could.”

She pulls back, forcing me to drop her face and tightens her grasp on the blanket that’s wrapped around her, like it can shield her from pain.

“You were the one person who would let me live. Then you stopped. You started high school and found girls, and boobs, and everything else that went with them, and you stopped being that person for me a long damn time ago because you were too busy being that for every other girl in Kroydon Hills. One night doesn’t change that.

” Her words trail off like she believes that bullshit she just spewed, and that pisses me off.

“Bullshit, Lexie. You don’t believe that.” I refuse to give her the space she wants. Not now. Not when she’s this damn close.

Fuck that.

I grab her hand and hold it in mine, needing to feel her skin on mine.

Needing to feel her breathe. “I might have made you feel like you were alive, Lex, but it almost killed you.” I swallow as those words hit me square in the chest. Just as fucked up now as they were ten years ago.

“That last night we snuck out and swam in the lake in the rain, you got so sick, you were in the hospital for three weeks after that. That was my fault. You took risks with me you shouldn’t have.

One you wouldn’t take with anyone else. That was my fault.

I had to walk away. But I was never gone. ”

“Now who’s the one lying to themselves?” she snaps back, her cheeks flaming red.

“You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do, Lucky Beneventi.

Have you been carrying that for all these years?

It wasn’t your fault I got sick. It was my shitty lungs.

They were always going to get worse. That wasn’t your fault. ”

Her voice gets heavier as she squeezes my hand.

“I do everything I’m supposed to. Take every pill, every treatment, every enzyme.

I exercise. I take care of myself. I do it all, and they’re still failing me, Lucky.

You can’t change that, and I can’t change that.

That’s my life, and it’s only going to get worse.

And it’s okay that you didn’t want to watch it then.

I don’t blame you. But I’m not going to let you stand by and watch it now.

Not when I understand the consequences now.

” Lexie’s breathing breaks, stuttering in her chest as a tear falls down her cheeks, and my fucking heart cracks in half. ..

Fuck.

I get it.

It crashes over me in cold waves.

“I didn’t fucking run away then, and I’m not going to do it now, Lex.

” I lift her chin and force her to look at me.

To listen. “We were kids, and I thought I hurt you. I thought it was my fault. It scared the shit out of me. Your dad didn’t want me around you anymore, and neither did mine.

” I hold my hand up and stop her before she can start because that’s a whole other thing to deal with, and we’re not there yet.

“I’m not that kid anymore. I know what I want.

I understand the stakes. I know how to let you live outside that glass box they all like to keep you in.

I know you, and I know us. I know how good we can be together.

But you’ve got to give me more than one goddamned night to prove it to you. ”

“You can’t drop a bomb like that and not expect me to want to know more, Lucky.” She clings to her blanket like she’s clinging to her armor. “I’m going to need to know what happened.”

“And I’ll tell you everything, dolcezza .

After. But right now, I’m more focused on our future than our past—because we have a future.

One I’m willing to fight for.” I pick her up and pull her onto my lap, needing her closer.

“But you’ve got to tell me what’s going on now.

Why one night? Why fight so hard against something we both know can be so good?

” I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and run my fingers down her neck.

“Because we are so fucking good together, Lex.”

“Please don’t make me say it,” she begs, her voice sounding like she’s choking on broken glass.

“I’m not as smart as you, Lexicon. You’ve got to say it.” I pull her head down and close my eyes as I press my lips against her forehead. “Please.”

I’m not used to begging for anything, but for this woman and this woman alone, I will.

“I’m never going to get better, Lucky. This is it.

This is as healthy as I’m ever going to be.

” She lifts her head and stares right into my eyes.

A sad resignation in hers I fucking refuse to accept.

“I don’t want you to live your life watching me slowly losing mine.

Wondering what’s going to happen and when.

That’s no way to live. Not for you and not for me. ”

“Then we don’t live like that, baby. You’re fucking right.

That’s no way to live, and I’m not going to let you do that.

” I have to steady my own breathing because these words hurt more than I knew words could.

“We focus on today, every day. None of us know what the hell is going to happen tomorrow. I could walk out of the house and get hit by a car in an hour. Does that mean I should never kiss you again? Because you might lose me?”

I wrap a hand around her throat and drag my lips over hers.

Needing to feel her.

To hold her.

To breathe with her.

“Because I gotta tell you, I’d rather spend the last minutes of my life with you than without you.”

“I don’t know if I can do that, Lucky.” She runs her fingers along my temples and down the lines of my face. “Not with this. Not with you. I can’t act like I don’t know what would happen if we were together. I think deep down somewhere, I’ve always known.”

“Do you really think I’d hurt you, baby?” Even the words feel like I’m being drug barefoot over hot fucking coals. “I wouldn’t. I swear to God, Lexie, I wouldn’t. Let me prove it to you.”

She shakes her head and wraps her blanket around my shoulders so we’re shielded together. “You’re not going to hurt me, Lucky. Don’t you see? It’s going to be me in the end. I’m the one who’s going to hurt you. And I refuse to be that person.”

Lexie lays her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arms around her back, holding her close. “I’m not giving up, Lex.”

“I’m not changing my mind, Lucky. You can’t save me.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I’m not your white knight then.”

I don’t have to save the princess.

I can fight as hard and dirty as I need to, to get what I want.

And not even the devil himself is gonna stop me.