Page 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

Mikah

I chug a second glass of water and put it on the bar before getting to my feet. It’s hot as fuck in here, and not that outside is going to be any better, but at least the fresh air will smell better than the mix of sweat, perfume, cologne, and alcohol.

Dominic is taking way too long. He said he was going to get our jackets, and he’d be back, but I already drank enough water and we’ll be out of here sooner if I meet him at the coat check. I’ve never been to Vegas before, and it’s absolutely fucking nuts that these clubs don’t close until morning. Like, late morning when the sun is coming up. They go all night, and that is just… crazy. I had fun tonight, but I can’t imagine this being a routine thing for me.

As carefully as I can, I make my way through the crowd of people, not wanting to bump into someone and piss them off. Drunk people can be unpredictable, and though I’m happy as hell when I’m drinking, many people aren’t .

People like my mother, who was always nastier after having some drinks. Though, that was probably because she drank shitty whiskey straight from the bottle. I’ve never had whiskey, and don’t plan to. I’m afraid it’ll make me like her. Mean and disgusting. I don’t want to be mean and disgusting. There are so many things that I don’t want to be, and I’ve spent so much of my life focusing on them that I never took the time to decide who I do want to be.

It’s always been I don’t want to be this way or I can’t be that way .

Who am I? I feel like I don’t even know. This trip has been an eye opener in so many ways. So has meeting Dominic.

I realize I’m going the wrong way when I see the signs for the bathroom, so I double back and find the door that leads to the lobby, which is where the coat check is. Heading that way, I spot the long line of people waiting to get their jackets. I blink a few times, moving closer, knowing Dominic has to be here somewhere. Unless I missed him? Was he heading back into the bar when I was at the other end? Hell, I probably should have stayed where I was and waited for him to come to me.

I get closer to the line, and finally I spot him off to the side, our jackets draped over his arm. I smile so big, unable to stop it, just from looking at him. God, he’s so fucking handsome. But then he’s moving, and that’s when I notice the guy in front of him wearing a bright pink suit. Someone I recognize all too well from earlier. Trent. The guy who kissed my boyfriend on stage. The guy who won an award for Best Couch Scene with my boyfriend.

And now my boyfriend is gripping onto Trent’s upper arm and they’re kissing. Again. Right now, in front of me, only this time Dominic doesn’t know I’m watching it. Dominic’s lips are on Trent’s. They are holding on to one another—and kissing . Right here, for all to see. In front of everyone. In front of me. For no fucking reason at all other than they want to.

Dominic is kissing him. He’s… cheating on me.

My blood turns to ice, and I feel like I’m going to throw up everything I’ve ingested in the last few hours. Fuck. What the actual fuck?

I turn away, looking for another way out, needing to get the hell out of here. There’s an exit sign to the left, and I see people going that way, so I stumble after them. I make my way onto the streets of Vegas. It’s almost as loud out here as in the club. Looking both ways, I try to find a place to run to, but there are people everywhere, lights all over, it’s fucking insane. So I just go. I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m going to do, I only know that I need to get out of here.

It should have been a red flag when Dominic said nothing to me about the kiss up on stage. No apology, no explanation, nothing.

No, he didn’t initiate it, but he could have acknowledged it. Even a, “Hey, I’m sorry that happened,” would have sufficed. What would have been better was him telling me he’d tell Trent to fuck off, but now I see why he didn’t .

Dominic must have known the whole time they’d get the award together, and he “forgot” to tell me. He probably planned that little stunt on stage too, which is why he didn’t say anything. He’s told me he doesn’t like lying, and so the best way to avoid lying is to avoid talking about things you’d have to lie about. I knew this was all too good to be true.

Fuck, what am I going to do?

I move further down the street with no idea where I am going to go. Each step sobers me up more and more.

I finally come upon an area that isn’t crowded, and I slip out of the way of drunk people walking down the sidewalks and lean against a brick wall to breathe. I just need a second to breathe.

Maybe that wasn’t what it looked like.

Oh, it was definitely what it looked like.

Your boyfriend was kissing that guy he fucked.

The one he won an award with. They’re both MAIF award winners.

And they were kissing right in front of your face.

Fuck!

Tears sting my eyes, and I scrub a hand over my face, sucking in a sharp breath. I look around, trying to figure out what to do. Where to go.

All of my things are at the hotel room because the limo dropped everything off for us after dropping us at the award ceremony venue. The only stuff I have with me are the clothes on my back, my wallet, and my phone. I have nothing else. Nothing .

I have to leave. That’s the only thing I can do right now, is leave. I can’t stay here, I can’t face him, I certainly can’t talk to him. There is no way I can do that. I don’t want to listen to his lies. He says he doesn’t lie, but how is he going to explain what happened? I saw it happen. I saw the whole thing. He reached for Trent, who was right in front of him, and he kissed him.

They were kissing! I saw them kissing, I know I did.

He’s just like everyone else. He’s no different than every other shitty person in my life. If I tried talking to him about this, he’d somehow make it seem like what I saw wasn’t true.

Don’t ever leave me. I… I fucking love you.

His words from earlier assault me, causing my throat to tighten.

I heard everything he said as we waited outside the bathroom. I remember each word. The pure happiness I felt was jarring, and I was sure I’d remember that moment forever—for the best reasons. Now I know those words are just going to haunt me.

With all the alcohol swimming in my veins, I didn’t know what to say in response, but I wanted to tell him I felt that same way. That even though thinking of moving in with him scares the crap out of me, I would do it because it’s him and I love him.

Maybe he was just saying all that because we’d been drinking, because he was in a good mood. But then he said that wasn’t true without me even bringing it up.

I’m not just saying it because I’ve been drinking and tonight is amazing. I fucking mean it.

Liar .

I love you, Mikah. I fucking love you, and I want to be with you.

Liar.

I should have known he wouldn’t change. People never change.

The amount of times my mother told me she was going to change and never did…

I always believed her. I believed her every single goddamn time she said it and all it did was make a fool out of me, and I regretted it every time. That’s exactly what’s happening now. I chose to believe that someone like Dominic would give up his lifestyle, would change for me, and look where it’s got me? I’m nothing but a pathetic fool once again.

I don’t want anyone else, just you.

Liar.

“Liar,” I growl, just as my phone vibrates in my pocket.

I know who it is before I pull it from my pocket. I let it go to voicemail.

I know what I need to do. It sucks, but I know what has to happen.

I refuse to spend my life the way I was before. I will not let my mind take control of me again. I finally got myself out of the dark hole I’d been living in, with a good amount of control over my thoughts and anxieties. There is finally some light in my life now, and I refuse to let Dominic ruin that for me, even if he is the one who brought me the light in the first place. He will not take it away from me .

I need to get away from this situation until I’m stable enough to process it, because if there’s anything that I learned, it’s that I’m too impulsive and I can’t think clearly when it comes to my emotions. When it comes to most things, honestly. Things affect me differently than other people. I’m triggered by so many things, and if I don’t take time to process them, I overreact.

No more of that.

No fucking more.

I hurry toward the street and flag down a taxi.

One pulls over and I get into the back.

“Airport, please,” I say, resting my head back.

The driver veers into traffic, because yeah, even at this time, there’s traffic out here. Fucking Vegas.

My phone continues to ring in my pocket, but I ignore it. I feel the long vibrations of calls and then the quick sensation of texts. I can’t talk to him. I will not listen to his lies.

Dominic will not ruin the progress I’ve made.

He may have helped me get this far, but the rest, I’ll do myself.

Because if tonight taught me anything, it’s that the only person I can rely on in life is me. So, if I want a better life, one that isn’t controlled by my past, I need to take the reins. I am the only one who can control my future. Me . And that’s what I plan to do.