Page 55 of Summer Weddings

Pain shot through Ben’s chest and he felt the sudden need to sit down. He’d only just found her and now—now he’d lost her.

* * *

The pizza had helped, Bethany decided, but not nearly enough.

Sorry that Mariah had decided not to join her, after all, she sat on the big hotel bed in front of the television.

She was halfheartedly watching a movie she’d seen before she’d left for Alaska and paying the same price as she had in a California theater.

Earlier in the day, she’d had her hair trimmed, and while she was at it, she’d sprung for a manicure.

Following that, she’d found a shopping mall and lingered for hours, just poking around the shops and watching the people. It didn’t take long, however, for the doubts and regrets to crowd back into her mind.

She’d ruined everything. With Ben feeling the way he did, she wasn’t comfortable returning to Hard Luck, and at the same time she couldn’t leave.

Not with everything between her and Mitch still unresolved.

If the situation had been different, she could’ve phoned her parents, but of course neither of them knew the real reason she’d accepted the teaching assignment in Alaska. She hadn’t wanted them to know.

What about Chrissie? And Susan and Scott and Ronny… She couldn’t leave her students or break the terms of her contract. She had a moral and legal obligation to the people who’d hired her. The state and the town had entrusted her with these young lives. She couldn’t just walk out.

On the other hand, how could she go back?

It was all she could do not to hide her face in her hands and weep.

She had no idea what had possessed her to confront Ben with the truth last night.

Her timing couldn’t have been worse. The information had come at him with the stealth and suddenness of a bomb, exploding in his life.

She hadn’t prepared him in any way to learn she was his daughter.

No wonder he— Her thoughts came to a crashing halt at the loud knock on her door.

“Bethany.”

“Mitch?”

“Please open up.”

She didn’t know how he’d learned where she was staying. She scrambled off the bed and ran to open the door.

He stood on the other side, feet braced, as though he was surprised he hadn’t been forced to kick the door in. He blinked, then blurted, “Don’t leave.”

“Leave?” She followed his gaze to her small suitcase.

“You’ve packed your things.”

True, but only for a short stay in Fairbanks. She wondered where Mitch thought she was going. Then she understood—he assumed she was returning to California.

“Give me one good reason to stay,” she invited.

He walked past her and into the room. As he moved, he shoved his fingers through his hair. Unable to stand still, he paced the area like a man possessed.

“I love you, and I’m not saying that because there’s another man wanting to dance with you. I’m saying it because I can’t imagine living without you.” He stopped, his eyes imploring. “I need you, Bethany. I didn’t know how much until I discovered you were gone.”

“You love me?”

“I haven’t given you much reason to believe that, have I? There are reasons… I know you don’t want to listen to excuses, and I don’t blame you. Bethany, I’m not saying any of this for Chrissie. I need you for me. I love you for me. ” He paused and dragged in an uneven breath.

All at once it didn’t seem fair to mislead him any further. “I’m not going anywhere,” she confessed. “I was coming back, and when I did, I planned to work all of this out with you.”

He closed his eyes as if a great weight had been lifted from him.

“I need to settle things with someone else, too,” she said.

“Ben.” His eyes held hers. “He wants to talk to you.”

Bethany struggled to control her emotions before she asked, “He told you?”

Mitch nodded. “You’re his daughter.”

“He admitted that?” Her eyes welled with tears.

Again he nodded.

“Is he all right? I shouldn’t have said anything—you don’t know how much I regret it.

” She found it difficult to maintain her composure.

“I shouldn’t have confronted him the way I did.

I can only guess what he must think. Please,” she begged, “tell him I don’t expect anything of him.

I realize he lied, but I understand. I don’t blame him.

Who knows what any of us would have done in similar circumstances. ”

“He wants to talk to you himself.”

“He doesn’t need to say a word. I understand. Please assure him for me that I don’t want anything from him,” she said again.

“You can tell him yourself. He’s here.”

“Here?”

“Actually he’s downstairs in the bar waiting. We tossed a coin to see which of us got to speak to you first. I won.”

He gestured to the bed. “Please sit,” he said. “This seems to be a time for confessions.” Bethany obediently perched on the edge of the bed and looked up at him expectantly.

“There’s something important you need to know about me,” he said. “I should’ve told you sooner—I’m sorry I didn’t. After I’ve told you, you can decide what you want to do. If you’d rather not see me again…well, you can decide that later.”

“Mitch, what is it?”

He couldn’t seem to stay in one place. “I love you, Bethany,” he said urgently. “I’m not a man who loves easily. There’s only been one other woman I’ve felt this strongly about.”

“Your wife,” she guessed.

“I—I don’t know where to start.” Mitch threw her a look of anguish.

“Start at the beginning,” she coaxed gently, patiently. She’d waited a long time for Mitch to trust her enough to tell her about his past.

He resumed his pacing. “I met Lori while we were in college. I suppose our history was fairly typical. We fell in love and got married. I joined the Chicago Police Department, and our lives settled down to that of any typical young couple. Or so I thought.”

He paused, and it seemed to Bethany that the light went out of his eyes.

“I see,” she said quietly. “Go on.”

Moving to stand in front of her, he said, “Chrissie was born, and I was crazy about her from the first. Lori wanted to be a good mother. I believe that, and I believe she tried. She honestly tried. But she was accustomed to being in the workforce and mingling with other people, and staying home with the baby didn’t suit her.

About this time, I was assigned to Narcotics.

From that point, my schedule became erratic.

I rarely knew from one week to the next what my hours would be. ”

He stared somewhere above her head, as if the telling of these details was too painful to do face-to-face.

“Lori became depressed. She saw her physician about it, and he explained that post-partum depression is fairly common. He prescribed something to help her feel better. He also gave her tranquilizers. A light dose to take when she had trouble sleeping.”

“Did the medication help?”

“For a while, but then Lori found she couldn’t sleep nights at all. Chrissie suffered from repeated ear infections, and Lori often had to stay awake with her, which added to the problem.”

He frowned. “I don’t know when she started doubling up on the tranquilizers, or even how she was able to get so many of them. I suspect she went to a number of different doctors.”

Bethany held out her hand to him and Mitch gripped it hard between his own.

Then he sat on the bed beside her, turning his body toward her.

“What’s so tragic about all of this is that over and over again Lori told me how unhappy she was, how miserable.

She didn’t like being home. She didn’t like staying with the baby all the time.

She wanted me home more often. She clung to me until I felt she was strangling me, and all along she was so terribly sick, so terribly depressed. ”

“Did you know she was hooked on the tranquilizers?”

“I suppose I guessed. But I figured she was under a doctor’s care—and I didn’t want to deal with it just then.

I couldn’t. I was working day and night on an important case,” he said, his eyes bleak with sorrow.

“If she wanted to dope herself up at night with tranquilizers, what could I do? I’d cope with it when I could, but not then.

” He closed his eyes and shook his head.

“You see, I might’ve saved her life had I dealt with the problem immediately, instead of ignoring it and praying she’d snap out of it herself. ”

“What happened?” Bethany asked. She intuitively realized there was more to the story, and that it would only grow worse.

“If the signs had been any plainer, they would’ve hit me over the head.”

“It happens every day.”

“I worked with addicts. I should’ve known.”

It was clear that this was one thing Mitch would never forgive himself for.

“She killed herself,” he said in a stark whisper.

“Her family thought it was an accident, but I know better. She needed me, but I was too involved in chasing down drug dealers to help my own wife. She was depressed, unhappy and addicted to tranquilizers. I turned my back on her. I might as well have poured the pills down her throat.”

“Oh, Mitch, you were under so much stress. You can’t blame yourself.”

“Yes, I can,” he said, “and I have. I should’ve been able to tell what was happening to her. She paid the penalty for my neglect—with her life. I can understand if you don’t want to marry me…”

“Is that what you’re asking me, Mitch? To be your wife?”

“Yes.” His gaze held hers. “I realize how much Chrissie loves you, but like I told you, it isn’t for my daughter I’m asking. It’s for me.”

The lump in Bethany’s throat refused to dissolve. She nodded and swallowed her tears.

“Is that a yes?” he asked, as if he was afraid of the answer.

She nodded again, more vigorously.

Mitch briefly closed his eyes. “I live a simple life, Bethany. I don’t want to leave Hard Luck.”

“I don’t want to leave, either. My home is wherever you are.”

“You’re sure? Because I don’t think I could let you go. Not now.” He reached for her and kissed her with a hunger and a longing that left her breathless. A long time passed before he released her.

“We’d better stop while I still can,” he told her. “Besides, Ben’s waiting.”

“Ben.” She’d almost forgotten.

“He’s downstairs bragging to the bartender about his daughter,” Mitch said. “Would you like to join him there? I know he wants to talk to you.”

“In a little while,” she whispered and leaned her head against his shoulder.

They’d both come to Hard Luck for a purpose.

His had been to hide; hers had been to find her biological father.

Together they’d discovered something far more precious than the gold that had drawn generations of prospectors to Alaska.

They’d found each other. And together they’d found love.