Page 24 of Summer Weddings
Jeff raced down the sidewalk while Cole and Robin stood at the end of the pier, the bread and flowers at their feet.
“You look tired,” Cole said, as his fingers gently touched her forehead.
“I’m fine,” she insisted, gazing out at the cool green waters of San Francisco Bay. But Cole was right; she hadn’t been sleeping well.
“I see so much of myself in you,” Cole said softly.
His words surprised her. “How’s that?”
“The pain mostly. How many years has Lenny been dead?”
“Ten. In some ways I’m still grieving him.” She couldn’t be less than honest with Cole.
“You’re not sure if you can love another man, are you? At least not with the same intensity that you loved Jeff’s father.”
“That’s not it at all. I… I just don’t know if I can stop loving him.”
Cole went very still. “I never intended to take Lenny away from you or Jeff. He’s part of your past, an important part. Being married to Lenny, giving birth to Jeff, contributed to making you what you are.” He paused, and they both remained silent.
“Bobby had been buried for six years before I had the courage to face the future. I hung on to my grief, carried it with me everywhere I went, dragging it like a heavy piece of luggage I couldn’t travel without.”
“I’m not that way about Lenny,” she said, ready to argue, not heatedly or vehemently, but logically, because what he was saying simply wasn’t true. She mourned her dead husband, felt his absence, but she hadn’t allowed this sense of loss to destroy her life.
“Perhaps you aren’t grieving as deeply as you once were,” Cole amended. “But I wonder if you’ve really laid your husband to rest.”
“Of course I have,” she answered with a nod of her head, not wanting to talk about Lenny.
“I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic,” Cole said, his tone compassionate. “I understand, believe me I do. Emotional pain is familiar territory for us both. It seems to me that those of us who sustain this kind of grief are afraid of what lies beyond.”
“You’re exaggerating, Cole.”
“Maybe,” he agreed. “You’re a lovely woman, Robin. Witty. Intelligent. Outgoing. I’m sure one of the first questions anyone asks you is how long it’s been since your husband died. And I’ll bet when you tell them, they seem surprised.”
That was true, and Robin wondered how Cole had guessed.
“Most young widows remarry.”
“Are you suggesting that because I didn’t immediately fling myself back into matrimonial bliss I’m a candidate for therapy? Come on, Cole, even you must realize how ridiculous that is.”
“Even me?” he asked, chuckling.
Jeff came loping toward them, his face flushed with excitement. “They’re filming a movie,” he cried, pointing toward a congested area farther down the pier. “There’s cameras and actors and everything. Can I go watch some more?”
Robin nodded. “Just don’t get in anyone’s way.”
“I won’t. Promise. Here, Mom, hold my snake.” He entrusted her with his precious package before racing back down the pier.
“He’s a fine boy, Robin.”
“He loves you already. You and Blackie.”
“And how does his mother feel?”
The knot in her throat thickened. “She loves you, too.”
Cole grinned. “She just isn’t sure if she can let go of her dead husband to take on a live one. Am I right?”
His words hit their mark. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe it’s because I’m afraid you want to marry me because Jeff reminds you of Bobby. Or because you’ve created a fantasy wife and think I’ll fit the role.”
Her words seemed to shock him. “No. You’ve got that all wrong.
Jeff is a wonderful plus in this relationship, but it’s you I fell in love with.
It’s you I want to grow old with. You, and you alone, not some ideal.
If you want to know the truth, I think you’re stirring up all this turmoil because you’re afraid of ever marrying again.
The little world you’ve made is tidy and safe.
But is this what Lenny would’ve wanted for you?
” He gripped her firmly by the shoulders.
“If Lenny were standing beside you right now and you could ask him about marrying me, what would he say?”
“I…don’t understand.”
“If you could seek Lenny’s advice, what would he tell you? Would he say, ‘Robin, look at this guy. He’s in love with you. He thinks the world of Jeff, and he’s ready to embark on a new life. This is an opportunity too good to pass up. Don’t be a fool. Marry him.’?”
“That sounds like something my friend Angela would say.”
“I’m going to like this friend of yours—just as long as she doesn’t try to set you up with any more of her divorced cousins,” Cole said, laughing.
His eyes grew warm as he gazed at her, and she suspected he was longing to take her in his arms and kiss her doubts away.
But he didn’t. Instead, he looked over his shoulder and sighed.
“I think I’ll go see what Jeff’s up to. I’ll leave you to yourself for a few minutes.
I don’t mean to pressure you, but I do want you to think about what I said. ”
“You aren’t pressuring me,” she whispered, staring out over the water.
Cole left her then, and her hands clutched the steel railing as she raised her eyes to the sky. “Oh, Lenny,” she whispered. “What should I do?”