Page 26 of Summer Skin

“TRY THIS, KIDDO.”

Aven glances down at the electric blue cocktail in front of him. It’s Friday night and he’s about to play a set at Violet Moon. He’s performed most weeknights at the U District bar for the past year, ever since Andi hooked him up with the job.

The place is usually packed with college students and definitely gives off dive bar vibes with its leopard print booths and gold foil stars dangling from the ceiling. The walls are lined with a mishmash of art, some of it Andi’s, hanging from walls painted an almost atrocious bright pink and green.

But Aven loves it. Violet Moon has character and heart, just like its owner, Gen, who’s currently looking for feedback on tonight’s drink special.

“Come on,” she urges, gesturing towards the cocktail, which definitely presents as some sort of deadly poison from a fairytale.

Aven pulls a face. There’s a second where it almost looks like the drink burbles. Like there could be something alive down there in the bottom of the glass.

He dips a finger into the liquid, just to double-check it won’t burn his tongue off if he takes a sip. “Do I wanna know what’s in this?”

She leans forward, looking him dead in the eye. “It’s seriously my best recipe yet.”

At that instant, his phone dings, and he breaks eye contact to take a look.

JUSTIN:DO NOT DRINK TONIGHT’S COCKTAIL SPECIAL IF MY MOM OFFERS IT TO YOU. IF YOU VALUE YOUR STOMACH STAY FAR FAR AWAY

His mouth curves upwards. Justin must have dropped by his mom’s bar on the way home from lunch with Tyler.

AVEN:I’m sipping on it right now, dude. MMM super tasty!

JUSTIN:Are you shitting me?

AVEN:Ya

JUSTIN: You jackass

AVEN:Seriously tho she’s trying to push the drink on me

JUSTIN: So many customers are going to puke that up tonight

Aven glances up from his phone. “Justin’s warning me off the drink.”

She’s amused, as though it’s a little charming her son took the time to text Aven an insult on her mixology skills. “He’s always been so protective of his friends,” she confides. “Just like Charlotte.”

“Who’s Charlotte?”

“You know, the spider from Charlotte’s Web. It was Justin’s favorite book as a kid. He used to sleep with a stuffed pig every night.”

She raises a brow and Aven wonders for a second if this is her payback for Justin talking shit about her drink. The corner of his mouth lifts as he texts back.

AVEN:She says you used to sleep with a pig

JUSTIN: Who? Does she mean Luke?

AVEN: No, man, Wilbur? Some Pig?

JUSTIN: Fuck me, god, I wish she wouldn’t share that story

“Quit texting my wayward child and try it already,” Gen tells him, motioning towards the glass.

A small sip. “Holy shit.”

Her brows draw together. “Good?”

His eye is twitching. “That’s a lot of sugar, Gen.”

“I’ll temper it with some lemon.”

“I think that might be a good idea.”

“Hmm.” She stares at the cocktail like it’s a math problem to solve and then wags a finger in the air, a eureka, spinningoff to add a dash of something that hopefully makes it a bit more palatable.

Casting his eyes around the room, he looks for Andi, who has a regular Friday night shift here slinging drinks. The tips are good and it doesn’t get in the way of school.

There, in a dark corner. He starts to make his way over, only his feet freeze in place once he notices who Andi’s with.

Chase.

God, could this guy maybe haunt some place that isn’t Aven’s? During the first agonizingly miserable year after he left, Aven would have donejust about anything to score even a minute in the same room as him again. Just to breathe the same air.

But now ... now he’s only a reminder of something extraordinarily painful.

Of something Aven can never again have.

Hands tightening, Aven watches the two of them grinning back and forth at each other like they’re at a goddamn high school reunion. Rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, he starts a determined march over.

“Nuh-uh!” Andi laughs as Aven draws near, touching Chase’s shoulder fondly, as though no time has passed between then and now.

Chase’s mouth twitches into a grin. He looks so happy to be under Andi’s charms.

But Aven’s not happy about their chum-fest. Not at all.

They’re still standing there grinning at each other like long lost friends, which they kind of are, and Aven gets a flashback to the first time he saw Chase, and, just like that first day of school so many years ago, an explosion of feeling bursts to life in his gut.

Fuck.

Fuck Chase Matthews.

They’re so busy yucking it up that neither Andi or Chase notices Aven’s approach. He clears his throat but they don’t seem to hear him over the dream pop music playing through the speakers in the background.

His jaw ticks. “Hey,” he butts in. “Matthews, what are you doing here?”

Both of them pause, slowly turning towards him, their smiles simultaneously dropping off. Chase raises a beer bottle in greeting. “Ellie asked to meet here,” he explains. “I was just catching up with Andi. She said—”

“Andi’s pronouns are they/them.” He crosses his arms. Chase has missed the very most important things. “Which you would know if you’d bothered to keep in touch with them.”

Chase watches him for a moment, and then nods. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll use your correct pronouns next time,” he says to Andi with a smile. Then, “You playing tonight?” he asks Aven, thumbing at the condensation on the bottle of beer in his hand.

He’s trying to soften Aven up. He can feel Chase trying to smooth out the wrinkles between them. But no way. No way does he get to do that without any explanations or apologies.

Not a chance.

“I play every Friday night,” he says, tone ice cold.

“Really?” Chase refuses to take the hint and Aven can’t decode exactly why. “Original songs or—”

“Can you just not?” Aven’s keeping his boundaries, standing his ground. “I’m not into making polite conversation with you, man.” He makes a shooing motion with his hand.

“Aven, god, stop.” Andi cuts a look to Chase then shakes their head at Aven, a warning to be kinder.

“Well,” Chase jerks his chin towards a booth in the back, “I should grab a table for myself and Ellie before they fill up.”

Aven holds his tongue on exactly what he thinks of Chase hanging out with Ellie. Absolutely no good would come of that.

“Thanks for the chat, Chase.” Andi moves in for a hug. “It was good catching up.”

“Anytime, Andi.”

Chase looks at Aven for a second, like he might try conversation one more time, but he only gives a short nod and walks away.

“So,” Andi says as soon as Chase is out of earshot. “The whole getting to a neutral place about Chase moving back to town isn’t going super well, huh?”

“I just don’t see why he has to be everywhere. It’s like trying to get rid of a cockroach.”

“I get that, but it doesn’t make things any easier if you’re a dick to him, right?”

“He didn’t have to dick me over,” Aven argues. And, yeah, maybe he’s kind of being an asshole to the guy. But so what? Doesn’t he deserve to have feelings about the only person he’s ever loved walking out on him? With no explanation? Going from a night of I love yous to just … gone. Talk about ghosting. Nothing but a blank space where Aven’s whole heart used to be.

So, fuck Chase Matthews. He doesn’t deserve Aven’s grace.

“What were you saying to him anyway?” he asks, giving Andi an accusatory look.

“I told him to screw off and never come around here again,” they tell him with a straight face.

“No, you didn’t. You were extra nice to him, weren’t you. Welcoming.”

“Well, come on, Aves, what do you want me to do here? He’s sort of not going away anytime soon, is he? I don’t like what he did to you. It wasn’t fair, and everything you’re feeling is justified. I’ll help you through this however I can. But, like, I just can”t be a dick to Chase Matthews. I’ve always been soft for the guy.”

“Really,” Aven sulks. “Sounds like you want a turn at dating him.”

“Hey, I tried, remember! Shot my arrow and hit a wall. He only ever had eyes for you.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” He lets his gaze wander to the back of the bar where he finds Chase looking straight at him, and Aven feels that old, familiar flip in his chest.

It’s so fucked up, the way his body betrays his thoughts.

Scowling, he faces Andi. “I wonder if he was sleeping with Trent Williams the entire time we were together.”

“Oh, that’s so messed up to say.” Andi looks like they can’t decide whether to hug him or give him a swat. “Don’t do that to yourself. Or to Chase. Whatever made him take off, he loved you, and he was always good enough to play for Paranormal Romance on his own merit.”

“No, he was better than that.” Aven remembers exactly how much energy and emotion Chase put into his music. The way his guitar came to life—melodic and imaginative—like the songs lived deep inside his bones. Chase Matthews was always better than the cookie cutter songwriting Trent Williams spit out. “So much fucking better. So why did he sell out?”

“You could always ask.”

But Aven’s not so sure he wants to hear the answer.

Because I needed to escape you.

Because you were suffocating me.

Because I never really loved you at all.

“Why bother?” he asks, and lets out a bitter laugh. “As soon as it got real, when I wanted a long-term commitment, he bolted. Whatever his reason, it turned out he only wanted the fantasy he made up in his head about me, not the person I really am. Same as everybody else.”

“Not everyone wanted you to be someone else. I never did.” Their eyes go to where Chase is sitting and then back to Aven. “And I don’t think Chase necessarily wanted to leave you, Aven. He …” They pause, careful of their words, not sure how far to tread. “He loved you. That was real, I’m sure. I’m just not certain if he loved himself.”

Aven had believed in Chase’s love too, even way down in his gut where all the self-doubt lived, but it didn’t explain how Chase could go from so loving to gone, just gone, without even bothering to say goodbye unless he had something—someone—to hide.

“If things get super shitty over there you can always come crash at my place, we can live the Team Avdi dream life. There’s only a thirteen percent chance I’ll murder you for stealing my lavender ice cream outta the freezer.” Andi takes a breath, giving a nudge to his side. “You could heal this, you know. It’s been a long time coming, but it seems like maybe Chase is open to talking to you?”

They both stare at Chase, whose attention is on his phone, thumbs tapping away at the screen. “God, he’s still obscenely hot, it’s so gross.” Andi sighs, a little wistfully. “I’m lonely. I wish my girlfriend hadn’t left me for another country.”

“Andi, her student visa literally ran out.”

“She could have applied for a new visa. We could have done the whole long-distance thing until she figured it out!”

“You? In a long-distance relationship?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Andi pouts. “But, hey, Chase is back, maybe my high school crush will appear out of friggin’ nowhere any day. Remember Emi?”

“Hell yes, I remember. You made me write songs about her vintage floral purse and effulgent spirit.”

“Ha!” Andi snorted. “Those songs were classics. I liked the one where we married to frog song by a small pond.”

“Sure,” he says, “it’s a mystery how that one never hit the Billboard charts. Hey, you ever consider you might not like Emi if you got to know her? You never even spoke to her.”

“That’s part of what I think about sometimes, when remembering how much I liked her. I wonder because she’s forever a fantasy for me, not a real person. But I don’t think I’ll ever let go of the happiness daydreaming about her gave me. Imagining myself as being the sort of person she would date, being that open and free and cool, that was part of what helped me figure out who I really wanted to be.” Andi’s fingers go to their lips, like they can feel a soft kiss there. “Everyone has that person they built up in their head. Someone they can’t let go of.” Their eyes catch on Aven. “Remember how I’m the boss of you?”

“Yeah,” he says, ‘cause pretty much.

“You should go over and hand him another beer. Ask to talk after the show.”

“Pass. I’m not up for stirring the hornets’ nest. Besides, I’ve got a stage to play. And aren’t you supposed to be working, too?” he says pointedly.

After Andi cuts a look to the ceiling—why do I bother—they spin off and Aven wanders towards the stage.

There’s a feeling of near-panic in his gut, making its way up to his throat, and he tunes his acoustic guitar, trying to block out the idea that Chase will be watching him. Seeing him play for the first time in five years. Years where Chase became a worldwide known rock star, and meanwhile, Aven’s been rotting down here at the bar.

He argues in his head not to give a fuck, taking a few deep breathes because the good old ‘imagine the audience in their underwear’ isn’t exactly going to help him out here, seeing as he knows damn well how epically delicious Chase looks without his clothes on.

Don’t fuck this up, he tells himself. It’s just another night at Violet Moon, same as any. He thinks for a brief, bitter moment, of singing “Just Like Heaven,” but in the end, he does the same as always—makes a sultry sort of eye contact with someone sitting near the front who’s been throwing him some heavy ‘dick me’ eyes, and plays his heart out for the entire set.

When he’s finished, and his guitar is gently tucked back into its case, he heads straight for Andi at the bar.

“You were staring at him the whole time.”

“Who?”

“SpongeBob SquarePants.” Andi gives him a look like he knows better. “Chase Matthews, that’s who.”

He makes a Chase-related scoffing noise, cheeks coloring. Sure, he might have snuck in a look or two, but nowhere near close enough to what might be considered staring. “My eyes may have flicked towards the back once or twice, that’s all.”

Andi slapped their palms against the bar. “Aven, you played “Yellow” by Coldplay!”

“So?” He played a bunch of covers in between his originals.

“That was you and Chase’s song?”

“Oh. Um. Not really.”

“Yeah, it was, remember? You told me so, and to turn it all the way up when I drove you and Chase home that one night we climbed the water tower. I distinctly remember because you two made out very enthusiastically to it in the backseat of my car while I chauffeured your asses around like an unpaid Uber driver who’d seen waaay too much on another thankless shift.”

“Okay, well, it’s just that … we had this thing where every love song that came on was our song?”

Andi’s jaw drops open. “Holy shit.”

“What?”

“That’s cheesy as hell.”

“I know.”

“God, you really loved him.”

“I mean … yeah.”

Their face goes soft. “This must be really hard for you.”

It’s fucking excruciating, but now’s not the time or place. So, he does the same thing he’s done for years when Andi asks him about Chase—zips up his feelings and carries on. “Can you get me a drink, Andi?”

“7 and 7?”

“Whiskey, straight.”

“You got it, Aves.” They turn as they’re leaving. “You were great up there tonight. I mean it.”

Andi would think so. Biggest fan and all that.

A minute later, Aven’s spinning a drink coaster round-n-round on the countertop, when someone takes a seat on the stool next to him, and without looking over, he knows.

It’s Chase.

“Ellie never showed,” he tells Aven. He sounds a little cautious, like he’s testing the waters.

“Wicked witch of the Northwest. I wouldn’t take it personally; she sent you as a fuck you to me.”

Aven feels a tiny pinprick of regret as Chase’s face falls. “Is that really how you feel?” he asks. “Having me around?”

His eyes fix on Aven’s and it’s impossible not to see the boy he once loved in there.

It’s wretched to miss someone who’s sitting right beside you.

And he doesn’t quite know what to say to Chase because everything about the other man suddenly appearing after all these years is incredibly complicated, and it’s going to take time to figure out.

Chase gives a nod to Aven’s silence, like he got his answer. “You still fucking kill it up there. You’re amazing, Aven. The best I’ve ever known.”

A beat of silence goes by where Aven has no idea how to respond. Then Chase stands without another word and walks out of the bar.

The best I’ve ever known.

It’s the same way he feels about Chase.