Page 22 of Such A Dirty Girl (Hot Creeps #6)

TWENTY-TWO

JAKE

T he air reeked of adrenaline as the crowd roared from the stands.

But all I could hear was the pounding of my pulse.

Three weeks of late nights with Drew and Sarah.

Three weeks of growing closer in our shared depravity.

Three weeks of nothing but training through the day and fucking through the night had brought me to that spot on the field.

Exhausted and exhilarated. Terrified because suddenly I had even more to lose.

This is it.

The final.

Scouts in the stands. Mum’s eyes burned even from a hundred feet away. Sarah watching. Drew was somewhere behind me in person, but also lingering inside my head.

Fuck .

The scrum reset, the pitch a churn of mud under our boots. Shoulders slammed into me, and I shoved back, gritting my teeth as the ball is fed into the skirmish.

Pain flared through my arms, but I ignored it.

There was no time for weakness. Everything was riding on my performance. Couldn’t stop. Not with everything on the line.

We drove, inch by inch, the pack holding tight despite the intensity. Shouts bled into one another. My muscles screamed, but I dug deeper, imagining facing Mum’s despair if I fucked it up.

Thinking of Drew’s dark gaze.

Sarah’s soft smile.

We broke as the ball spun wide, and I was off.

Sprinting and dodging. Mud sprayed up my calves as I tore down the wing. Only one man left to beat. When we made contact, it rattled my bones. Somehow I stayed upright, ball gripped in white knuckles.

Almost there. The burn of everyone’s stares had me sweating.

Almost .

And then I was on the ground desperately gasping for air that wouldn’t come. Vision blurring. The whistle blew, but I couldn’t get up.

Couldn’t shake off whatever pulled me down.

I’d lost all control.

Fuck . No. Not now. Not like this .

Rough hands hauled me to the sideline, voices a blur on my periphery. My chest heaved, but the air wasn’t enough to calm whatever demon had possessed my faculties.

The pitch tilted sideways as my ears roared.

I’d ruined it.

The game went on without me, Drew’s broad form cutting through the mess, ball in hand as he rose to the challenge created by my absence. Medics hounded me, but I rolled to keep my eyes on him.

He was fierce. Relentless. And when the final whistle screamed, it was Drew the team hoisted onto their shoulders.

And me? A useless heap, choking on my panic.

The moment Drew could break free, he was by my side, brushing the medics away. He didn’t dare gather me to his chest, even though being wrapped in his protection was exactly what I craved.

I buried my face in my hands.

‘I fucked it. I let you all down. Mum’s going to hate me. She told me not to screw this up, and I did. I’m just a fucking idiot.’

‘Jake.’ Drew’s voice cut through my babble. Slicing straight through my spiralling thoughts. His hand pressed firm to the back of my neck. ‘Listen to me. Are you mad because you lost? Or because you’re worried about letting everyone down?’

‘I… Both. I don’t know. I can’t…’ My chest convulsed. Panic raked through me with nasty claws. ‘I let you down. I let everyone down. I can’t…’

Sarah made it to the pitch, dropping to her knees in front of me and gathering my face into her palms. Her eyes were frantic with worry. ‘Look at me. You’re enough . You don’t have to win everything. You don’t have to be perfect.’

‘I’m not enough for you.’

‘You are,’ she whispered savagely. ‘You are , Jake. Always. I don’t care about the scouts, or the game, or any of it. I just want you.’

‘She’s right,’ Drew said, his thumb rubbing slow circles on my neck. Each soothed my panicked senses. ‘We don’t need you to be anything other than who you are. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let us help you.’

His words broke me. The dam burst, hot tears running down my face as Sarah pulled me into her arms and Drew held us both steady. The noise of the crowd faded into nothingness.

For the first time in years, I let it all go.

W ater splattered against the tiles, mist clouding through the mostly empty changing room. The aftereffects of my panic attack still shook me as I sat on the worn wooden bench. Mud caked my legs as I buried my face in my hands, focusing on the way the dirt clung to my laces.

Every single breath ached.

Sarah crouched in front of me with her warm hands resting on my knees.

‘Jake, you’re okay. Just keep breathing.’ Her soft voice battled through the roaring in my head.

Drew tossed his filthy shirt into the bin before grabbing a clean towel and wetting it. He knelt deftly beside us and worked the rough material over my legs. With each stroke of the towel, he soothed me.

‘Eyes on me,’ he commanded, cutting through my haze with his sharp tongue. Using his dom tone to bring me back to them. ‘You still nailed it out there. Played your fucking arse off. None of us is infallible.’

‘The scouts saw me collapse. They saw me implode in front of everyone. No one wants that on their team. My mum?—’

‘Fuck your mum.’

Drew leaned forward and gripped the back of my neck, the harshness of his touch a contrast with Sarah’s softness.

‘This isn’t about her. This is about you. You’ve been killing yourself trying to be perfect for everyone else. You don’t need to do that anymore.’

Sarah ran a hand up to cup my jaw, kneeling higher to brush her lips over mine. Tears clung to her dark lashes tiny dew drops. ‘Listen to him. You don’t have to be perfect for me. I don’t need medals, I don’t need scouts. I just need you. You’re enough. Always.’

My breath hitched.

The steam became thick and suffocating as the showers busied.

Until one-by-one the other players left, casting furtive glances at the three of us.

I no longer cared. Drew peeled my filthy shirt over my head with a gentleness that upended my view of him.

The way he dragged the towel over my skin had me leaning against the wall to stop my legs from giving out.

‘It’s okay. We’ve got you.’ Sarah whispered as she pressed her forehead to mine.

I wanted to believe her.

Then the door slammed open.

‘What the hell was that?’ Mum’s voice tore through the room. Her heels clicked against the tile like a loose board in a hurricane, every step screaming danger .

‘Do you know who was watching? Do you realise what you’ve done?’ Not a hint of concern in her voice. Just pure, unbridled rage.

I flinched. My words caught in my throat, suddenly thick and sticky. Choked by humiliation.

But Drew planted his feet and squared up to her. His jaw ticking.

‘Enough,’ he snapped.

Mum narrowed her eyes at him. ‘Don’t you dare?—’

‘No,’ Drew barked, stepping closer to her. ‘You don’t get to come in here and tear him down. Not after what he just gave out there. He nearly killed himself trying to live up to your impossible standards. You should be proud of him, not crucifying him.’

The room stilled.

Mum’s lips thinned in anger. Eyes as sharp as broken glass. But for once, she had no comeback.

She fled to the hall with a quick turn on her heel, bottling up all that anger. We’d be in for it when we got home.

Silence threaded the three of us together, Sarah linking one hand with Drew’s and the other with mine. Holding us together. A solidarity born from our weeks of scurrying around together like rats in the night.

My chest rattled as I tried not to pass out. Drew reached over and squeezed my shoulder.

‘She doesn’t get to define you. Not anymore.’

‘We’re your family. We’ve got you. That’s all that matters.’ Sarah kissed my temple. Her lips were a sweet balm.

And sitting there with sweat and shame clinging to me, I felt something shift.

Like maybe I wasn’t alone under the weight of it all.