Page 37 of Straw and Gold (A Realm of Revelry #2)

Morella

The castle hummed with an unease that drifted through the halls. I tasted it in the food. I heard it in the hushed whispers. Something was changing and the Changelingfae of the Citrine Cliffs were aware of its looming presence.

I woke each morning before dawn, tangled with Killian.

We would shift to the cliffside and I’d rattle off every possible fucking thing I could think of to be his name.

He’d pace behind me, smile, and pull me to him as the sun hit his cheeks and hair, only to shift me back to our bed where he’d make love to me soft and gentle, whispering my praises and loving me as I was meant to be loved.

But I was fucking livid.

I didn’t even spin anymore, keeping a tally in my journal of all the golden thread I owed him.

I read books until my eyes blurred. I practiced my pronunciation until my voice was nothing more than a hoarse rasp.

Alista brought me books she found around the castle that might help.

Any time she discovered one written in Céaduah, it would show up in our room along with a hot cup of lemon honey tea.

Killian didn’t say anything about the state of our room. Books open to random pages, ink spilled near the fireplace, and my dresses tossed about onto every surface—it looked like a storm had ravaged its way through.

I didn’t have time to feel guilty about it, though.

I didn’t have time to breathe, or eat, or think about anything other than his name.

His name, his name, his name. For weeks, I became obsessed with his name.

The cruel disappointment at my discovery of Morelli, only to find that I was wrong, consumed me, nagging at the back of my head that I would surely fail. That if I hadn’t found it by now, I never would.

He found me deep in the stacks of the Citrine Library on the night before my last morning of attempts at his name. Early winter’s chill bit through my loose shawl, only fueling my desperation to look harder, search wiser, and do the one thing I’d been tasked to do.

“Tig a laig, Goldling.”

Come to bed, Goldling.

“Lig lem du bhalhadh.”

Let me warm you.

“Lig lem gaol a torth.”

Let me love you.

I pulled at the budding tears in my eyes, wiping them with a dirty sleeve and returning to the top shelf. “I can’t,” I explained, shoving my journal into his hands. “This is all I have. Ten potential names. And they’re the least likely yet.”

He took the book, his eyes flickering quickly over my messy scrawl.

Closing it gently, he took my hand. “They’re perfect, Goldling.

You’re done for the night.” He tugged on me again, sweeping my body to his.

“Tonight I get all of you to myself. No dusty books to read, no messes to wipe clean that you’ve left behind. ”

“Sorry,” I burst.

He kissed my forehead. “You’ve done beautifully, Morella, My Goldling, and I would not trade the last three months for anything.”

I fell into him, sighing deep into his chest. “Not even your power re?—”

“Not for anything.” He pulled on my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes cut like gems, glistening with unshed tears. “Do you hear me, Moh Dhóches?”

I nodded, my chin trembling.

“Good,” he answered. “Now let’s leave this place. I have much worshipping to do before the night is through.”

He led us up the winding stair and shifted us through the door, landing in our room where Fedir waited. The captain rose quickly from my fireplace chair but Killian did not seem surprised to see him.

“It’s done?” Killian asked.

Fedir’s jaw clamped shut and his eyes darted to me briefly. “As you’ve asked of me, my king.”

“Good,” Killian mumbled. “You may leave, Captain.”

Fedir stayed put, a silent conversation happening right before my eyes between the two of them.

Too exhausted to be nosey, I headed to the bathing room to prepare myself for a short sleep before I planned to wake again and head to the library.

I’d stay there all night, and when the sun peeked in the sky, I’d be at the cliffside, reading from the Goddessdamn books themselves if I had to.

When I left the bathing chamber, they were arguing in hardly contained whispers.

“I don’t care about your morals, Captain,” Killian said.

“And what of the morals of your friend?” Fedir snapped back, catching Killian off-guard.

Killian hesitated then straightened, catching sight of me. “You will follow royal orders. That is all.”

Fedir looked over his shoulder, catching my eye. “Yes, Your Majesty. Royal orders, as is my duty.”

He pulled Killian into a hug, slapping his back with several loud thumps before leaving without another word.

“Is…everything alright?” I asked.

Killian nodded, slipping out of his jacket. “This castle is full of those who are loyal to the crown. Many have grown quite fond of their new queen.”

I reached his side, taking his hand. “No matter what happens with your power tomorrow, know that I won’t leave you. I love this kingdom and I’ll help you rule our people as best we can.”

He lifted me into his arms. “I know. You’re the queen they deserve.”

He kissed me as he took us to bed, laying me down softly and helping me out of my dress, his mouth trailing over every part of me he exposed.

He slipped inside me where I loved him most. “Killian,” I breathed, “I’m so, so sorry?—”

His mouth consumed mine, cutting me off entirely. His tongue delved deep and I had no way to tell him the words that repeated in my head.

I’m sorry I failed.

I’m sorry I’m not enough to save you.

I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.

Just a little longer, and I would have had it. Just a little more time and I’d find his name, saving him from a cruel Goddess and my sister from an earlier death than what she deserved.

I should have insisted on completing our marriage the moment I came of age—the moment I met Seraphine and understood the happiness she would bring my brother.

I should have?—

Killian thrust hard, filling me completely and I cried out, gripping the corded muscles of his arms.

“Stay with me,” he whispered, meeting my gaze in another deep thrust. “My Morella, My Goldling…” His strong hands swept over my face. He didn’t mention the tear he caught, only set his forehead to mine as he thrust deep again. “Stay with me, here, in this moment together.”

I nodded, breathing him in, loving all of him as he fucked me so tenderly.

The pleasure he brought built slowly and we savored it together as he held me and I held him.

He didn’t ask me what his name was.

He didn’t tell me I knew it.

A spark of fear hit me as I wondered why, but it was quickly overcome with all-consuming pleasure as his pace picked up and I didn’t know where he ended and I began.

We came together, and he kissed me hard, my own kiss in return just as fierce. He pulled me up and offered me a cup of cool fresh water which I gulped down entirely.

My husband whispered sweet things in my ear as he pulled me to his chest and my body felt heavy, drooping. Suddenly, I was too exhausted to keep my eyes open.

The last thing I heard before I drifted to sleep in his arms was his last confession to me. “It was worth it. The pain, the loneliness, the fear. I’d go through it all again to make you my wife. My Morella…My Goldling.”

“ My Queen .”

I frowned at the voice, my eyelids heavy, my body stiff and unmoving.

“ Morella ,” the voice continued, this time shaking my shoulders. “Wake up, Your Majesty. Please!”

The break in the voice at the final word swept into my thoughts, contorting that line of a dream to the harsh cut of reality. My eyes flew open and I blinked in a blurry fog.

“Fedir?” I croaked.

“I’m sorry, but you must get up. He’s already gone.”

I jolted upwards, my limbs oddly heavy. “Killian?” I searched the bed, finding only rumpled sheets and my own nakedness. Fedir turned, holding my crimson nightgown out for me to slip into.

“What time is it?” I puffed, adjusting the silk to fit my wings.

“Dawn approaches, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t follow his orders and I knew you’d hate me forever if I did.”

I paused, sweeping my hair into a loose braid, pulling on his shoulder to face me. “What orders?”

“He didn’t want you to see…what would happen when you failed this morning.”

Sheer, undiluted panic flooded my veins. I raced to my journal, finding a note and a small bottle of shimmering blue liquid.

Moh Dhóches,

I could not leave this world without ensuring what you needed from me was at least partially given.

This potion will prolong your Seraphine’s life by a few decades at least. Have her drink it all and she will remain the same age for an undetermined amount of time.

Do not ask where it is from or what it cost to retrieve it. Our kingdom’s coffers are plenty.

Enjoy your life. Enjoy your Queendom. I have no doubts you will rule as a fair and prosperous Queen. If I may catch a glimpse of your life as I go beyond the Veil, then I hope I have proven myself a worthy man of it.

Do not dwell on the impossible bargain I offered you. It was impossible for a reason.

Céad ensured this task could not be completed, and it is why I must leave you now. Know that Captain Fedir was only following orders. He is a loyal man and will serve you well in the years to come.

I love you, My Morella. I love you, My Goldling.

Time was not on our side, but my heart always will be.

Gib an coich sig thist,

Killian

Until we meet again.

The note dropped from my shaking hands and I turned on my heels. “What did you do?” I whispered, rage fueling the movement in my body.

Fedir stood near the door, paler than I’d ever seen him, with dark circles under his reddened eyes as if he’d been crying. “I concocted a powder that would force you to sleep through all of it.”

My voice came eerily steady. “All of what?”

He gulped. “Killian knows Céad will kill him the moment this morning’s sun hits his face. He tried to save you from seeing what he himself has seen three times before—the dead body of the one you love.”