Page 30 of Straw and Gold (A Realm of Revelry #2)

Morella

“I still can’t believe it,” Korven muttered as we sat atop the western tower roof, peering out into the setting sun.

I leaned my head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around me. “You didn’t know what it was. No one knew.”

“I should have researched somehow. I should have called for more physicians.”

I shrugged. “You were helping raise me and had at least a dozen doctors poking at me since I could walk. No one figured it out and it’s not your fault or anyone’s.”

His voice went soft as he kissed the top of my head like he did when I was a child. “I’m sorry, Morella.”

“Don’t be.” I squeezed his hand, a smile lifting my lips. “If my life hadn’t been hard like it was, we couldn’t be here now, like this. I’d be off doling out those odious curses and you’d be off in some random woman’s bed instead of at home with your Seraphine and Avici.”

“What if you had been happy as Cursebringer?”

I laughed. “You know I hate those curses. I cannot stand how our mother is still under hers, and what about Seraphine? You could have lost her to one. I’d rather be queen of a distant kingdom than do what you do, brother.”

He shrugged. “It isn’t so bad. And as for our mother…”

I lifted my head. “Have you heard from her?”

“No,” he sighed. “Wherever she’s gone, she hasn’t sent word.”

It had been almost a year without any news of where the Ravenfae Goddess had disappeared to. But this wasn’t the first time she’d left the Brackish Wood. The last time, she returned seven months pregnant with me and no story to relay to her people or her son.

“I hope she’s happy. Wherever she is.”

“And you, Morella?” He pulled me back to his shoulder. “Are you happy here?”

Tears pricked my eyes, stinging in the truth that I didn’t even consider denying. I sniffed, wiping my sleeve across my nose. “I love him, Korven,” I murmured softly.

He squeezed my shoulders as if he already knew. As if he could reassure me that it was all right to love when that love was not returned.

Breathing a sigh, he said, “He cares for you. I can see that at least. Perhaps with more time?—”

“We don’t have time,” I interrupted. “We have these three months and then it’s over. He has said as much.” I paused a moment, gathering what thoughts I was willing to reveal. “He does care, but…it doesn’t seem to be enough for him to treat our marriage like I see it. Like how I know it could be.”

“It’s not like you to give up on what you want.”

“No,” I agreed. “It isn’t. But there’s more to it than I’ve told you.”

He jerked back. “You’re not in danger, are you?”

“Nothing like that. Have you met Céad?”

He shook his head. “Mother has mentioned her once or twice. She’s not…all there. Madness has taken her along with her obsession for change.”

“Well, Killian made a bargain with her. A long time ago. And I’m trying to help him fulfill it.”

He chuckled. “The fae Goddess bargain, eh? Do you think it can be fulfilled?”

“Yes,” I said with confidence. “I do. I know I can help him.”

“Then I don’t see why you’d give up on what you could have here.

You’ve been imagining this life for years and here it is.

” He gestured to the sea of rolling green hills ahead of us, turning golden in the setting sun.

“If our mother taught us anything, it’s to take what we want.

What we need. Regardless of the obstacles. ”

I took a deep breath, my lungs filling with the breeze off the Citrine Cliffs in the distance.

I knew what I wanted. I knew Killian wanted at least some of those same things, too.

It was time to jump and risk everything we’d had so far, even if it seemed like no more than a frayed thread between us.

“Thank you, Korven,” I sighed.

“You’re welcome, Little Fungi.”

I laughed heartily, rising to my feet, ready to shift and say my last goodbye to him before he left to explain to Seraphine what happened. “I haven’t heard that in a very long time.”

He brought me into a hug once more, resting his chin on my head. “That’s what older brothers do. They never let you forget you still have a home and a history of where you came from.”

By the time I stepped back into our room, night had fallen and the fireplace roared, soothing away the autumn chill.

My husband sat by the fire and from his position alone, I sensed the thinly-held control in the stiffness of his body. Without turning to greet me, he asked, “Is the Cursebringer gone?”

My stomach dropped at his tone. “Yes.”

He nodded and I crept forward, setting three spools of woven golden thread I’d just finished on the small desk.

Keeping my gift held tightly to my chest, I swallowed hard and joined him at the chairs by the fire.

He was sitting back, legs sprawled open, face resting on one hand as he watched my every move.

I cleared my throat, adjusting my burgundy skirts and kicking off my shoes, folding my legs up underneath me on the chair. “I’m sorry,” I began, “for the sudden appearance of my brother today.”

“He loves you,” he mumbled. “You should not be sorry for that.”

I nodded. “Korven has always been overly protective of me. My lack of strength and…my condition only fueled that fire over the years.”

“He took your birthright.”

“No,” I amended. “He saved me from failing at the duty of the heir to the Ravenfae Goddess. I could not have succeeded as Cursebringer, nor did I want the job.”

He paused, still holding onto that tight control. “And now you’re here.”

“And now, I’m here,” I echoed. I gently unfolded his midnight blue coat—the one I’d stolen from his wardrobe.

“I have something for you.” Holding up the embroidered cuffs, I explained, “I’ve added some new details to this one.

Wheat, to represent our bargain, and a threaded line that connects back to itself to represent our rings of marriage. ”

His deep blue eyes narrowed and I backtracked quickly. “It’s just a pretty design and I wanted to find a way to thank you for what you’ve done for me these past six weeks.” I dared looking up. “Will you wear it for me?”

Something slipped in his face, but he caught it quickly, rising in silence to meet me as I held the sleeves out so he could slip his arms through. He adjusted the jacket, fixing the cuffs and tracing his fingers over the intricate design.

“You have many talents, Goldling,” he mumbled and I beamed, sticking close to his chest as I adjusted his shirt underneath.

“This suits you perfectly,” I cooed, patting down the lapel.

“You think me handsome, Moh Dhóches?”

I hummed. “No, my king.”

His brows rose and I laughed. “I think you too beautiful for such a common word. I think of you as a brilliant sun, heating every room you walk into. I think you to be fuckable in every sense of the word.”

His hand shot forward, grabbing the underside of my chin and lifting my head to meet his eyes. “This mouth on you,” he gritted, pulling me closer still with a hand against the small of my back.

“Yes,” I breathed in a heated smile. “This mouth on me.”

His eyes darted to my lips as they parted, begging for him to kiss me. Instead, his hand slid slowly down my neck and he released my back entirely. “Thank you, Morella. This jacket exceeds anything it was before you laid your hands upon it.”

I refused to move. “Is that all you’ll say?” I whispered.

“I have nothing more to discuss.”

I pulled him closer, my anger rising. “Well, I do. I have more to discuss with you.”

He pulled my hands away with heartbreaking tenderness and backed towards the study door. “I cannot do this.”

“Do what?” I shouted, following him.

“Our bargain still stands and I have nothing left to teach you except Céaduah. You may join me in my study in an hour if you wish to keep to your lesson tonight. If you don’t, I would not find fault in your?—”

“Don't do this,” I begged, darting around his large frame and blocking the study door. “Don’t turn away again. Don’t leave just because you can’t face what’s so clear between us, Killian.”

He glared at me, folding his arms. “We’ve been contracted into this marriage and made a bargain. There is nothing more?—”

I cut him off again. “Liar.”

His jaw clamped tight before he muttered, “Move from this door, Morella.”

“Not until you admit you love me.”

Shock lit his features and he dropped his arms. I continued with ferocity, my heart pounding and pleading.

“Not until you tell me that I am not the only one in this marriage who has fallen because I love you, Killian. And I need you, Killian. And I will be here—two weeks from now, five months, seven years—I don’t care how long you’ve planned for our marriage—for me, it’s forever.

For me, it’s the only marriage I’ll know and you are the husband I want.

” My voice finally cracked, but I swallowed it down, pushing away from the door and padding softly to him.

“You are the husband I was fated to marry, and I’m tired of keeping this distance between us. ”

I met his chest with mine, breathing in the scent of him and pressing my hands to his shirt. “It doesn't have to be the way it’s been.”

He grabbed my wrists in one hand, holding them away from his body. “It does,” he gritted.

“Why?”

“Because anything more…” He stopped, shaking his head. His face calmed, adopting that stony facade I was sick of seeing. “I have work left to do. Study if you wish. You may practice with me in an hour, as I said.”

With a cold stare, he gently pulled me aside, opening the yellow door.

He was leaving me. Regardless of what I’d confessed and what I claimed to know of his own feelings, he hadn’t acknowledged them at all.

In a daze I stepped back, unfurling my wings. My mind swirled with everything he’d said, with every way he’d looked at me, grumbled at me…kissed me, and I tried to piece together where I’d gone wrong.

I thought he loved me.

He’d never said it, but I thought I knew…

“What are you doing?” His voice snapped my attention back to him, and I was startled to find myself backing up to the large windows near his bed. I blinked a few times, shaking my head and my wings stretched further.

The room was suddenly too hot—too small and heavy with the weight of the truth in the distance between us; I was not going to keep my husband.

“Morella—” he began.

“I need air,” I gulped, breathing hard and reaching behind me for the window latch.

“Do not leave,” he called, crossing the room in great, hurried strides, but I couldn’t let him get to me. I couldn’t let him reach me or—Goddess forbid— touch me only for me to fall apart and beg—beg for him to love me like I loved him.

I shook my head some more, managing the latch and the window flew open, blowing the curtains out into the night. “I just need some…air.”

“Stop!” he yelled, his hand reaching for me just as I shifted and flew out the window, nothing more than a dim blur of golden feathers on the wind.