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Chapter thirty-two

Rhett

Something is very wrong.

It’s hard fucking work to put on a smile and act as if everything’s fine and after twenty-four hours of doing it, I’m drained. And tonight, our last dinner with the Yamakis before we fly home tomorrow, is proving to be the hardest. I want to grab Evie, drive away from this house to find somewhere private, and beg her to tell me what’s hurting her so I can fix it.

“Next time we see you, we’ll be celebrating your new job.” Evie’s mom Helen raises her glass toward Evie with a fond smile. “I know it’s waiting somewhere for you.”

“Maybe it’s waiting here in Ontario?” Kenji jokes, but it’s anything but funny to me.

Would she really consider moving back here? Judging by the grimace she barely manages to hide, I don’t think so. Then again, she needs a job. I can’t ask her to stay in BC just because I’m not ready to give her up.

I don’t want to give her up.

But I want what’s best for her. And that means I’ll support whatever decision she makes. She means too much to me for me to ever try to hold her back from her future .

Evie deflects her father’s question, her gaze downward. No one else seems to notice she’s not herself, but I do. At one point, when I see her mother looking at her, I realize so does Helen.

Obviously, that catching up they did was about more than just Ruthie.

Later, after dinner is cleaned up and everyone is relaxing for the evening, I knock softly on the open door to Evie’s room.

“Need any help packing up?” I lean against the frame, hoping my smile doesn’t show how mixed up I am inside.

Evie looks up from the shirt she’s folding. “No, thanks. I’m almost done.”

Swallowing down my nerves, I step inside and move to stand behind her, running my hands down her arms a couple of times before wrapping them around her. I feel her freeze and almost step back.

No. Damn it, no. I’m not letting her get away, not now.

“Evie. Honey. What’s goin’ on?” I ask, daring to rest my forehead on her soft hair. My eyes close as I fight not to hold her tighter, as if that would keep her with me.

“Nothing.”

When she pushes against my arms, they drop away. No matter how I feel, I won’t ever force her.

“That’s a lie, and we both know it.” My voice is deceptively calm and quiet, given how I’m feeling. “Something’s got you spooked like a wild horse. All I’m askin’ is you tell me what it is. Let me in.”

She sits down on the edge of her bed and twists her hands together. I move in front of her and sink down to my knees, taking her hands in mine and lifting them to my lips .

“Please. Talk to me.”

She draws in a shaky breath before finally lifting those beautiful dark eyes to mine. “At the hospital yesterday, my sister said some things that were hard to hear. But…” she trails off, dropping her gaze for a second. “But I needed to hear them.” She looks back up and straightens her spine. “I have to focus on finding a job. Not that I haven’t been looking,” she’s quick to add, “but I don’t think I’ve been as serious about it as I should have been. Maybe Ruthie distracted me, maybe we…” Again, her words drop off, and my stomach clenches. “Maybe I got caught up in whatever we’ve been doing. But what Viv said, about my goals, I have to stay focused on that. My work is important to me, helping kids who need it, that’s what I’ve always wanted to do. There’s a job out there for me, and I have to go and find it.”

I nod slowly, taking in what she’s said and trying to make sense of it. Her job search? That’s what has her acting distant?

“Okay, well, when we get back, we’ll buckle down and search.” I smile, squeezing her hands. “Any school would be damn lucky to have you.”

Evie gives me a small smile. “Yeah. And.” She exhales. “That job, that school, it could be anywhere.” Her eyes seem to search my face, gauging my reaction, I guess, so I give her an encouraging smile.

“Sure could. Wherever it is, you’re gonna be exactly what they’re looking for.” I drop her hands and move up to sit beside her on the bed. Draping one arm over her shoulders, I tug her into my side. “I wish I had been lucky enough to have someone like you when I was a kid. You’re gonna change some lives, honey.”

She lets herself lean into me, but I can tell she’s still holding back. And when she speaks, her voice is small and quiet. “There’s a lot of jobs here in Ontario. I did a quick look when Mom and I were driving home yesterday.”

I force my grip on her shoulders to stay loose, but my other hand clenches into a tight fist.

“Really,” I say in what I hope is a casual voice. “Well, I’m sure your family would love to have you close by again.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Oh God. Is that a she’s considering it mm-hmm? Fuck. What am I meant to say?

“Well. You’ll make the decision that’s right. I know you will.” I press a kiss to the top of her head, hoping that’s what she wants to hear.

“Thanks.”

I need to see her face. I force my fist to unclench and reach up to cup her chin, turning her to me. It’s impossible to figure out what she’s feeling, but her cheeks are red, and something dangerously close to tears are shining in her eyes. I lean in and kiss her lightly at first. “Hey. It’s gonna be okay, honey. You’ll find a job.”

“I know I will,” she whispers back.

I kiss her again, and again, keeping it light until I feel her start to relax underneath me. Until, that is, she speaks again.

“I just wish I knew…” She stops suddenly, pulling back.

I keep hold of her chin and look at her. “Knew what?”

A small, obviously forced smile flashes across her face. “Nothing. Sorry. I was going to say I wish I knew when I’d find a job.” A fake laugh, very unlike her, escapes. “But that would require a magic crystal ball or something. Anyway, I’m good. Thanks for the talk.”

When she pulls back again, my hands drop. She stands and moves around to the other side of her bed. “I better finish packing. We leave pretty early tomorrow.”

I’m staring at her, trying to figure out what the hell just happened, when she looks up at me. “You should pack too.”

“Right. Yeah. I’ll do that.”

Slowly, I stand up and make my way to the doorway, where I pause and look back. Evie’s refolding the same shirt she was folding when I first walked in.

“You sure you’re okay?” It’s a stupid question. Because she’s obviously not. But I don’t have a goddamn clue what else to say.

She looks up at me, that forced smile back on her face. “Yup. Just lots to think about.”

No kidding.

After leaving Evie’s room, I go to the one I’m sharing with Kai and toss my things into a bag, all while listening to him ramble on about some shit.

And later, while lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, I run over the conversation with Evie again and again, trying to make sense of it.

She’s stressed about finding a job. Okay, that makes sense. But what doesn’t make sense is why that has her pulling away from me. Unless there’s more going on. Unless whatever her sister said to her has her believing I could be standing in the way of her future.

Which is the last thing I’d ever want to do. I thought that was clear, that I want her to reach all her dreams, but maybe not?

That crystal ball she was joking about would be pretty useful right about now. For the first time, I’ve got something other than baseball and my family that I deeply care about.

And I don’t have a goddamn clue how to tell her.