Page 113 of State of the Union (First Family 3)

While the gathered media shouted questions at her, many of which had nothing to do with Arnold or the conviction, Vernon, Jimmy and Gonzo surrounded Sam and escorted her back to the waiting SUV.

“They’re still asking about Nick bringing me back on Marine One,” Sam said to Gonzo when they were settled in the back seat. “They’re not letting that go since he hasn’t given them anything else to gripe about in the meantime.”

“They’ll be all over the FBI report tomorrow.”

“That ought to change the narrative for a few days.” Sam laughed even as more tears threatened. “I’m an emotional basket case since the verdict was announced.”

From the front seat, Jimmy handed her a tissue.

“Thank you.”

“We’re so happy to see that scumbag convicted,” Vernon said.

“We are, too.” Sam glanced over at Gonzo, who was looking out the window. “How’re you feeling?”

“Relieved, empty, sad, happy. The full gamut.”

“We’ve had a year to process this, and sometimes I still can’t believe it happened. I can only imagine how you must feel.”

“It’s surreal. I keep thinking he’s going to come bounding into the pit with some stupid joke he heard on the radio on the way in that he just has to share with me.”

Sam laughed. “That sounds about right.”

“He always had a joke that I never had time for. I wish I’d made the time.”

“I could see how he drove you mad,” Sam said, “but I could also see him becoming a much better detective and man for the time he spent with you.”

Gonzo looked over at her. “You really think so?”

“Oh, hell yes. He grew in leaps and bounds under your guidance.”

“Half the time, I wanted to shoot him myself,” Gonzo said, grimacing. “I hate to say that out loud.”

“I get it. He was like a big puppy following you around, hanging on your every word, wanting your approval.”

Gonzo wiped away a tear. “And I let him be slaughtered on my watch.”

“You didn’t let it happen, Tommy. Don’t say that. You would’ve taken that bullet for him if you could have.”

“Yeah, I would’ve. I just wish I’d treated him better when I had the chance.”

“You treated him exactly the way you should have as his training officer. You think I don’t beat the shit out of Cruz daily? But like Arnold did with you, Cruz knows I love him like a brother, and everything I say and do on the job—well, almost everything—is about making him a better detective.”

“I did love him like a brother, but I never told him that.”

“You didn’t have to, Gonzo. He knew. Of course he knew.”

“I really hope so.”

“Let’s hit the grief group meeting together. I think we both could use the support tonight.”

“I just need to make sure Christina doesn’t mind.” He pulled out his phone for the first time since they’d left court. “Damn, more than two hundred messages about the verdict.” He put through a call to his wife. “Hey. Yes, I’m okay. Relieved and all that. Sam suggested we attend the grief meeting tonight. Do you mind if I’m a little late?” After a pause, he said, “Thanks, baby. I’ll be home soon. Yeah, me, too. It’s a huge relief. Love you, too.” To Sam, he said, “She’s sobbing.”

“A lot of people were heavily invested in the outcome of this trial.”

Nodding, he said, “I appreciate the support. Not sure where I’d be without my friends and family—including my blue family.”

Sam knew the loss of Arnold would stay with them both for the rest of their lives. There was no getting around that. They’d had to learn to live with the grief, the heartache, the regrets that would also stay with them forever. He’d been under their command. No matter the outcome of the trial, they both felt responsible.