Page 35

Tegan

I check my phone for the millionth time that hour, tossing it in disgust onto my desk a moment later. Nothing.

I know Mark got out of his meeting just after lunch, but he still hasn’t responded to my text.

Standing from my desk, I stretch onto my tiptoes, pretending to reach for something on the shelf above me, but actually checking to see if he’s in his office.

The glass screen that separates us is frosted, but only at eye level when I’m sitting, so standing I have a clear view of him behind his big modern desk, calmly writing something in his notebook.

I will him to look over, but it doesn’t work.

Instead he tucks the pen neatly at the top of the page and reaches into his pocket, retrieving his phone.

Despite the torture of the last hour, my heartbeat skips a little and a smile rushes onto my lips. He’s going to open my text. There’s no way he’ll say no to staying late tonight to spend a little extra time with me when he sees what I sent.

I chew my lip around my grin, thinking about how I found the perfect angle under the desk to show off just enough to leave him in no doubt about whether or not I wore panties today.

Spoiler: I didn’t.

I press my legs together, savoring the little tingle in my pussy. It’s been so long since he took me out. I know things have been tough for him at home and I get it. His ex is being a massive pain in the ass. I guess she’s not going to make this whole divorce easy.

Finally he glances up, but before I can catch his eye, he looks away again and stashes his phone away again, a hard expression on his face. I’m not sure how to read that.

Sitting, I flip over my phone, but there’s still no reply.

I frown.

Something is off. Why hasn’t he responded? I could send an email, but he’s told me before to keep our personal shit off the work email. He doesn’t want upper management getting wind of the fact that we’re fucking because it’s technically against company policy. After all, he is my boss.

Trying to put it out of my head, I flick listlessly through my email, trying to finish answering the last few so I can be ready when the other two people in the office leave for the day. I’m distracted a moment later, though, when he walks past my office.

Jumping up, I rush to the door. “Mark!”

He turns, but there’s no smile on his handsome face. “What is it, Tegan? I’m just about to head out for the day.”

My mouth drops open. “You didn’t see my text?”

His brows draw together and he steps closer, glancing behind him at where Sandra is typing at her desk. “Keep your voice down.”

With a sigh I step back, expecting him to come into my office so I can close the door and we can have a semi-private conversation.

He just looks at me. “What is it, Tegan?”

What the actual fuck? This is not the way I thought this evening would go. “You’re going home?” I can’t keep the pout from my voice.

Mark’s frown becomes a scowl. “Yes. As I said. Is there something I can help you with before I go?” His tone is cold and professional.

My temper flares and I fold my arms across my chest. “No. You know what? I think I’m good. See you tomorrow.”

I spin and stomp back to my desk, expecting him to follow. To apologize. But the next moment I hear the door to the stairs shut gently and look up to see him gone.

I sit there for a long moment in silence.

I don’t know what just happened here, but it felt an awful lot like our first fight and I have no idea what it was about other than the fact that he seems to have a massive stick up his ass today.

I let a little huff of frustration escape me. My phone is still in my hand, so I open the message just to see for myself. At the bottom of my text is a little note: seen one hour ago.

What the hell?

I have nothing left to do here. I’d rather not sit at my desk until I’m the last one left in the office, left sitting with the reminder of who I’m not seeing.

It’s bad enough saying goodbye at the end of the day when I know he’s going home to her.

They’re still living together until he can make other arrangements.

On a night I hoped we’d get some time together, it’s even worse.

Serves me right for getting involved with the married guy I guess. Only it’s not like that. Mark and his wife haven’t been in love for years. He’s just working out the separation and then we’re going to be together openly.

Until then I just have to try to be patient.

I’m not very good at patient.

Later that night, I’m on the couch with a half finished bottle of pinot gris and a pizza when my phone screen lights up.

Mark: Hey, sorry about before. It’s been a tough week

That big stupid smile is back and I’m typing my reply already when the second message comes through.

Mark: there’s actually something we need to talk about. I just couldn’t today

I frown, deleting what I was about to say.

Tegan: what is it? Is everything OK?

There’s a pause. It’s a long horrible thing like watching an ant carry away a dead bug.

Finally a new message appears.

Mark: I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry

I blink at my screen. Then my fingers fly over the letters: Do what?

Mark: this. Us. Listen, I don’t want things to be awkward at work, but I can’t keep seeing you after hours

A sick feeling wells in my stomach and I wipe my greasy hands on my track pants before I type my next message.

Tegan: you mean you want to wait until the divorce is final? Keep things professional at work?

There’s another long pause. I’m about ready to throw up when his next message finally appears.

Mark: No Tegan. I mean I’m ending things. With us. I’m staying with Stacey.

What the fuck?

I fling my phone across the room in horror. This isn’t happening. Not to me. Not like this. I’m the one who leaves relationships. I’m not the one who gets left. And I know Mark. He wasn’t happy with Stacey. She wouldn’t even suck his dick!

Angrily, I switch the true crime documentary I was watching back on, but I can’t see the screen properly through the tears making my eyes blurry.

God damn it.

This is absolutely the very last time I cry over a man.

There’s a buzzing from between the cushions on the floor and like an idiot, I scurry over on my knees, brushing away my tears.

It’s probably Mark ringing to apologize.

Ringing to say he’s made a mistake and he is definitely leaving his wife and he wants to take me away for a weekend getaway to make it up to me.

Instead, it’s my best friend, Mia. I’m about to swipe to dismiss the call when my stomach does a guilty flip. This would be the third call of hers I have ignored in a row and I miss her so much since she moved to Kraken Cove, a tiny little coastal town a few hours south.

The phone keeps ringing and I stare at the little icon on the screen, unable to decide what to do. Another second and another and my palms are sweaty and the guilty knot twists tighter in my belly.

Hastily I swipe right and put the phone to my ear. “Hey, sorry. I lost my phone down the side of the couch. How are you?” I don’t know why I felt compelled to lie. I’m flustered I guess.

Mia’s voice is warm. “Hey, Teegs. I’m good. How are you? I feel like it’s been ages since we talked.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve just—” My words catch in my throat and I have to force them out around the lump that’s formed there. “I’m just having a rough week.” I hate that I’ve just repeated Mark’s words to Mia. I wish I could take them back. My best friend deserves better.

“Oh no. Is it work?”

I sniff. “Sort of.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

I pause. I’ve been worried about telling her about me and Mark. I guess I’m expecting her to judge me. After all he was still technically living with his wife. And yeah, maybe I’m judging myself a little bit. “It’s a guy.” I try to sound dismissive, but the waiver in my voice is painfully obvious.

“Oh bleh. What guy? I didn’t think you were seeing anyone right now.”

I hesitate. I do really want to talk to Mia about it, though.

I hope she won’t be offended. I remind myself that my situation is totally different to her shitty ex-boyfriend, [ex] who I caught cheating on Mia.

Besides, Mia has a gorgeous kraken husband now and she’s happier than I’ve ever seen her.

“I got involved with this guy from work, Mark.”

“Mmm.” I can’t tell from Mia’s hum whether she’s already figured out how this ends. To me it feels obvious.

“Things were really great. We were talking about getting serious, but…”

“But?”

A tear trickles down my cheek. “But he just messaged to say he’s getting back with his wife and it feels like a total blindside.”

Mia stays on the phone with me until I’ve cried it out. By the time I’m done sobbing to her my throat is sore and the rest of the bottle of wine is calling my name. I pour it all into my oversized wine glasses and take a large gulp.

Why do I even bother with relationships? I’m no good at them. Men are no good at them. Seems like no one but my best friend is any good at them.

I need a Mia. I need a wife who will be loyal and forgiving and comforting and understanding. Not for the first time, I wish I was gay.

I’m really not, though.

How am I going to face work tomorrow? Just the thought makes me gag on the last piece of pizza.

I can’t do it. I can’t even think about seeing Mark walk past my office as if nothing happened.

As if he hasn’t just broken my heart. I certainly can’t sit in a meeting and look at him across the table and know I’ll never get to touch or kiss him again.

I wish I didn’t want to, but I still really do.

Impulsively, I reach for my phone again and send a text to Mia. It’s late and she’s probably gone to bed, so I don’t call, but I know she and Luke ffqawon’t mind.

Tegan: I’m coming to stay for a few days. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon. T xx

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