Page 30 of Starlight and the Duke (Cherish and the Duke #5)

“There was nothing more to dig up,” she replied in anguish.

“The family had a good reputation and so did the young lady. But she and the man she married have also died. We will never know the truth now. Are you willing to risk the future of a dukedom on her being a liar? A tradesman is a man with roots to a place and one who holds respect in his village. Does it not seem more likely she was telling Shoreham the truth and her father was desperate to fix the situation before others noticed her waddling around with a belly the size of a house? All the more reason to find her a husband and have them sail away before too many questions were asked, especially if that child was going to arrive early.”

Her heart tightened and she struggled to contain another bout of tears. “I don’t know which is worse, Shoreham’s being duped or that a child he had sired did exist and we will never know what truly happened to the poor thing.”

“No, the worst is Shoreham’s choosing to believe he had fathered a child in order to put the full blame of a childless marriage on you . That wasn’t fair of him. Do you think he was the sort to ignore a child he was convinced was his?”

Heat shot into her cheeks, for her answer was embarrassing. “Yes. He was good in many ways, always very proper and respectable, but this mistake was something he wished desperately to ignore and forget.”

“And yet he did not ignore it when it served to conveniently place all the fault on you for a childless marriage. I would never do such a cowardly thing to you.” He raised her hands to his lips and kissed them, then leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips.

She groaned as she felt the warm press of his mouth on hers, wishing she had the strength to pull away. But she never would, not with him. “You must never tell anyone about this, Rob. Please, I need your promise.”

“Upon my oath, this stays between us,” he said sincerely, and kissed her again with more ardor and a measure of protective fierceness.

“Nor should we ever speak of love or hearts or of the hope of forever between us,” she said once her lips were free of his.

He regarded her with surprise. “Are you still belaboring this issue? Thinking to sacrifice our happiness for my supposed good? Based upon what you think Shoreham might have done? Fine, then I’ll raise a glass in toast to one year with you.

This is what you’ve agreed to, and I mean to hold you to it.

An entire year to spend in your bed, getting on you, in you, and under you, and into any other position you will allow, only to be kicked out at the end of that time because of your wrongheaded conclusion that you cannot give me the son I need to preserve the Durham title. ”

“It isn’t wrongheaded.”

“Yes, it is. Completely and utterly. All the more inane because of what you have just told me about Shoreham. Why are you still placing full blame on yourself?”

“Rob, why won’t you see reason?”

“Why won’t you ?” he shot back.

“He had a child with another woman! Just because Mr. Barrow had a feeling something was not right, does not make it so. The evidence points to Shoreham having had that liaison that led to the birth of a child. His child.”

“And this is why you will throw away our happiness? On a maybe that the blame had to be all yours? Or is this the way you really want it? Me in your bed but no commitments. Then forget our year together. I will not fight you on this any longer. I’ll stay through the dinner party, protect you from Lady Cordelia’s barbs, but then I will leave as Bromleigh asked of me. ”

She inhaled sharply. “And wait for me at Shoreham Manor?”

“No,” he replied, raking a hand through his hair.

“I am going to leave you forever because there is no getting through to you, is there? You are using anything and everything as an excuse to keep us apart, purposely making a mountain out of the insignificant difference in our ages and your belief that you are barren.”

“Being childless is not insignificant.”

“If Mr. Barrow’s gut instinct tells him Shoreham might have been duped, then I am with him.

I am truly sorry the proof is not clearer.

Intensely sorry for all the anguish it has caused you.

But I am fully aware of the risks and am willing to take them.

Why aren’t you? What are you so afraid of, Fiona? ”

“Rob…” She paled, although she had no reason to feel despondent when she had been the one to push him away this entire time. If he left now, would she ever see him again? “Rob…”

“No, Fiona. Don’t do this to me.”

“Do you think this is any easier for me ?”

He took her in his arms and gave her cheek a light caress.

“I know it is awful for you. Horrid. Painful. Heartbreaking, because you still have doubts about yourself. But I don’t and never have.

You have only to say yes to my offer of marriage and I will be yours forever.

This is all I have ever wanted. Stop making up rules for us.

Stop choosing my wife for me. I know who I want, and it has always been you. ”

She could no longer contain her feelings, and they burst out in a sob. “The ladies said I was an idiot not to marry you.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Are you going to prove them right?”

She laughed amid her wealth of tears. “Rob…”

“Fiona, enough. I cannot bear it any longer. Truly, this situation between us is ripping me apart. Forget adding another day, another week, or another year. Stop doubting. Stop trying to manage everything. Stop trying to control what is impossible to control. Just trust in our love. Do not be afraid. Whether we are childless or have ten children, you won’t ever lose me.

So end my agony and say you will marry me. ”

She looked up at him, staring into his gorgeous, silver-flecked eyes.

“Gawain had no right to treat me like a child. If I wanted you in my bed, who was he to object? No one has the right to tell me what to do. Nor do they have the right to order you to keep away from me. If I want to be with you for a night, two nights, or even a lifetime, that is for me to decide.”

“Do you want to be with me for a lifetime?”

“You know I do. I want this more than anything.”

“Then no one can ever stop us from being together. Only you have this power. What are you going to do? No more dithering. Make your decision now, Fiona.”

She felt so torn inside, her heart completely shredded. But she understood that she would lose him forever in this very moment unless…

She let out several shaky breaths. “If I want to marry you, then I will, and no one is going to stop me.”

His eyes widened and he smiled. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know.” She had spent her entire adult life shouldering the blame for something that might not have been her fault, although she sincerely believed Shoreham had fathered a child. Even if he had, who was to say their inability to have children was all on her?

Rob was not Shoreham. He would always love and protect her. He was everything to her.

Which scared her all the more, for he was the last person she ever wished to disappoint.

“Look at me, Fiona. Trust me. Take that leap. Think with your heart and not with the ton ’s false notions of duty to a title that should never have been mine. Will you accept my proposal?”

She hugged him with all her might. “Dear heaven, Rob. I am so frightened.”

“Don’t be, love. I have you. I will always have you and hold you, love and protect you, for as long as there is breath in me. This is our destiny, Fiona. Don’t fight it. This is how we were always meant to be. Just say you will.”

She continued hugging him, and now her eyes were squeezed shut tight. She couldn’t breathe. Not even her heart dared beat.

“I will, Rob. Yes. I will marry you,” she said in a ragged whisper. “I love you so much.”

“Yes?”

She laughed and looked up at him. “Yes.”

He lifted her in his arms and whooped with glee. “She said yes!” He shouted it into the wind while twirling her in his arms. “Yes, yes! She’s going to marry me!”

She did not stop him from cheering or shouting it to the heavens, although no one was ever going to hear him at this distance and above the noise of the swiftly moving current of the stream.

“I love you, Fiona,” he said, heartily laughing with the relief of it.

“I love you to the moon and back, Rob.” An enormous weight suddenly lifted off her, too.

She felt freer than she had ever dared hope, free and elated even knowing the impossible problem they faced, one he seemed certain would never destroy their love. She was not as confident yet, for it was a problem that would hover over them like an ominous cloud throughout their marriage.

She reminded herself again that Rob wasn’t Shoreham. He would never foist all the blame on her. He was her protector, and would protect her even from his own disappointment as the years dragged on and she remained barren.

If only she could give him everything he wanted.

No, that wasn’t quite right. He wanted her, and this he had. What he needed was a son to carry on the Durham line.

She doused the glimmer of hope that it might happen. She dared not think it was possible.

Nor was it a need he felt as acutely as she did. Perhaps in time he would come to regret it, but right now he looked happy…his dream come true.

Indeed, he looked ridiculously gorgeous as he smiled at her with a brilliance that outshone the sun.

The air surrounding them felt deliciously warm and light.

Together.

They would work through the good times and bad together.

She stared up at him. His smile had never been broader, a big, sloppy smile that stretched from ear to ear. His soul-deep eyes had never looked more sparkling, for he was obviously filled with joy.

Perhaps he understood better than she ever had that their bond was forged in iron and unbreakable. He must have felt this ever since he was a little boy. Even then, he’d been so handsome and serious, looking up at her with worshipful eyes.

“We should make the announcement tonight and marry before this house party ends,” he said, never one to waste time in gaining his objective. “Cherish and Margaret will attend to all that needs to be done in time for the wedding breakfast. Not to mention, this will shut up Lady Cordelia for good.”

“Oh, she’ll still find something venomous to say about us.”

“Who cares? You’ll be my wife and…although I know it is not proper ton , for most dukes and duchesses maintain their separate quarters, do you have any objections to our sharing a bed?”

She found his wicked grin impossibly appealing. “Rob, are we really going to do this?”

“Share a bed? Behave wantonly and do the nasty deed?”

She laughed. “I am speaking of our getting married.”

He nodded. “Is tomorrow too soon for a wedding?”