Page 18 of Starlight and the Duke (Cherish and the Duke #5)

R ob’s heart physically ached when Fiona told him the reason for her tears. “My monthly courses, Rob.”

He’d known disappointment before and had faced harsh circumstances, but seeing Fiona so undone truly broke him. Simply cut him to the quick.

“This is a minor setback,” he said, wrapping an arm around her and drawing her close as they rode together in the rig.

She viewed the onset of her monthly bleeding as proof she wasn’t worthy to be his wife, as though this was the only important requirement in a marriage. What did she expect him to do? Go off and bed a dozen lasses and marry the first one he got with child?

Sometimes, he just wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her till her teeth rattled.

Despite her protests, which were quite weak and ended swiftly, he joined her in her bed that night and the next nights following, for what sort of man would he be if he left her side when she was suffering?

In truth, it surprised him just how strong some of her cramps had been, consuming her almost to the point of vomiting. Until this moment, he had not realized there was anything beyond some inconvenient bleeding that kept a woman confined to the house for three or four days.

“Is it always this bad for you, Fiona?”

“Not always,” she had told him. “Some months are worse than others.”

They hadn’t coupled, merely shared the same bed, falling asleep with his arms around her, and then he’d crept back to his own chamber just before daybreak, each time angry and frustrated that they had to keep up this farce when all he wanted to do was be with her to comfort and protect her.

It tore him up inside that he could do nothing to ease the pain caused by her own body.

Their week was now up.

He had wanted to talk Fiona into giving him another year or two with her, for he was merely in his early thirties and had plenty of time to father a son. But she was adamant that their time was up.

And now they were about to head over to Northam Hall and settle into rooms there for Gawain and Cherish’s week-long house party.

“Aren’t you eating?” Fiona asked on their last morning together as he sat quietly staring into his coffee and not bothering to fill his plate with the usual eggs and kippers.

“Not hungry.”

She eyed him curiously. “Rob, you are always hungry.”

He grunted as he stared down at his empty plate. “Yes, usually. But not today.”

“Because our week is up,” she said with a nod.

“It doesn’t have to be, Fiona. Give us another chance.”

What was so special about the debutantes who would arrive at the Bromleigh house party for the sole purpose of catching his eye? Would they be so different from next year’s crop? Or those of the following year?

Fiona now had that stubborn look on her face.

“You are only prolonging my misery. Do you think this is any easier for me? I am so sorry we remained friends into adulthood. Had I known how we would grow to feel about each other, I would have avoided you at all costs. At least you still have the hope of a family, so do not throw this away.”

She set down her fork with a clatter, for he had upset her once again.

“Fiona—”

“No! Can you not see how this is destroying me? You cannot continue to treat this matter so lightly, Rob.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “How can you accuse me of giving this situation no attention? It is all I think about, day and night.”

“Then stop thinking about it. Stop being unrealistic and stubborn.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“I would give anything for what is right there in front of you to grab. Children. A family. Stop treating this blessing that is within your reach as though it something you can casually grab at any time. It is not trivial. It is everything , and you must never take it for granted.”

He had never looked less forward to a party.

“All right. But I think our chance for happiness is just as important. I am taking none of it for granted. What I am doing is fighting to have all of this with you . Believe me, it would be so much simpler for me if I did not love you to the depths of my soul.”

He took a deep breath and continued. “There is no sunlight without you. Nor moonlight to shimmer upon the gentle seas. There is no music, no flowers, no laughter. No starlight . None of it without you.”

She emitted a soft cry.

But he was not about to relent. “I want another three years with you, but I know you will never agree to it now. So I will only ask for the three days you still owe me, since our week was cut short.”

“Seriously? You are going to hold me to something that is natural to a woman’s body and completely out of my control?”

He was not a petty man and would never have quibbled were it not their future at stake. “Yes, I am. This was our bargain and I am entitled to three more days of your body.”

“Fine,” she said with a huff. “Then come back to me after Cherish’s house party is over.

You shall have your bargain fulfilled, and then you must walk away.

You must , Rob. The thought of our parting is already unbearable for me.

I cannot think of what it will do to me if we were to part after years together. ”

“I know,” he said softly.

“In the meanwhile, you must get to know the young ladies who will be at the house party. That you might come back to me to complete our bargain does not relieve you of the obligation to look for a proper wife.”

“All right,” he said, knowing she was deluding herself if she believed anyone but her would ever be a proper wife to him.

His heart was heavy as he packed his belongings and made ready to leave Fiona’s home later that afternoon to ride next door to Northam Hall.

He realized the chunk of lapis lazuli stone was still in the drawer with his undergarments, so he tucked it in his pocket for now.

He would give it to her upon his return to Shoreham Manor.

Fiona had promised she would ride to Northam Hall later today.

“I have a few things to finish up here, since I will be staying with Cherish for the week. I think it is unnecessary for me to move in there, but I suppose she will not hear of my riding back and forth each day, even if our homes are on neighboring properties.”

Rob was grateful for that. “Did I not express the same concern? It is the only sensible thing to do.”

“I know. You’ve already warned me of the danger of returning home in the wee hours of the morning when highwaymen might be about.”

Rob climbed into his carriage. “I’ll be waiting for you at Northam Hall.”

“Don’t. I’ll get there in my own good time. You had better be paying attention to the young ladies hoping to meet you, or I shall kick you to Brighton and back,” she warned.

As the carriage rolled away from Fiona’s home, Rob eased back against the squabs and emitted a wrenching groan.

Why did his heart have to be so true to one woman? And why did that woman have to be Fiona?

Gawain and Cherish hurried out to greet him when he drew up to what had been Cherish’s home before she married Gawain. They had kept the house as their summer retreat and fixed it up after her vile uncle had practically destroyed it.

The ogre had done it for no other reason than sheer spite.

Gawain gave him a hearty slap on the back.

“Reggie and Margaret arrived just before you, and are upstairs unpacking. Potter,” he said, referring to Cherish’s faithful butler, “will see you to your room. Then come down to the study and share a brandy with me and Reggie before you face the onslaught of young ladies eager to meet you.”

“And while you share that drink with my husband,” Cherish said jovially, “try to convince him not to pair Fiona with Lord Pershing in our party games.”

“Seriously? You invited Lord Pershing?” Rob laughed. “Bromleigh, you are evil.”

Gawain arched an eyebrow. “Turnabout is fair play. Fiona put me through hell by sticking me with that sot at her house party last year to make certain I would come in last in every game. Meanwhile, she was handily winning every round because she had you, Reggie, and Cherish on her team.”

“It served you right,” Cherish teased. “You were so busy trying to foist Reggie on me, when we were clearly an incompatible match, that she had to make you suffer a little for your own manipulation.”

Gawain gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Will you listen to this, Durham? Chided by my own wife.”

“Well, it all worked out in the end,” Rob said, smiling. “Did it not? You both look happy as larks. Marriage obviously agrees with both of you.”

Gawain put an arm around his wife’s waist and nodded. “Never happier.”

Rob had to agree with that assessment, for Cherish seemed to be glowing.

In truth, there was a radiance to her, and she had put on a little weight that suited her beautifully.

But he shrugged off the thought as Potter led him upstairs to his guest quarters, a nicely decorated room obviously designed for male guests—unlike most of the house, which had a bright, airy seaside feel.

This chamber with its polished, dark wood wainscoting and large bed anchored by a dark wood footboard and headboard suited him perfectly. The carpet was a deep blue shot through with threads of silver in a fleur-de-lis design. The windows looked out onto a landscaped garden and the sea beyond.

He expected Cherish would give everyone a tour of the house that she had refurbished with such pride over the course of the year, but this would likely wait until more guests had arrived.

Since no one was to know he had been staying with Fiona this past week, Rob pretended to have come over from Devonshire, where he had conducted his most recent piece of business. He did not bother to feign fatigue, since he knew that he looked too well rested.

He quickly washed up from his nonexistent trek and headed downstairs to the study, where Gawain and Reggie were waiting for him. Reggie was another newly married friend who also looked ridiculously content.