Page 33
Luca was something of a nervous wreck most of the day because of Noe. He did understand the frustration of sitting in a single room with very little to do, he did. He’d been hurt before during the war, so he could completely empathize. Still, sitting outside in the cold with fractured ribs and arm wasn’t the greatest of ideas. Somehow, despite Luca’s better judgment, arguing didn’t seem to help any. Noe had gotten his way in the end.
Which, how had that even happened? Luca could be stubborn when the occasion called for it. He knew this as fact. But somehow, when looking into Noe’s hopeful eyes, he’d lost all willpower to say no.
Must watch out for that, and develop an immunity to it.
The compromise had been Noe only sat, stayed wrapped in blankets, and had someone with him at all times. The very second he started hurting, he had to retreat to the ryokan. In fact, Luca had fully expected to come into the ryokan’s room and find Noe already there. He was rather surprised to beat him here and was immediately worried instead of relieved.
Had Noe pushed so hard he’d ended up at the clinic instead of here?
No, someone would have alerted Luca if that had been the case.
Surely Noe still wasn’t out there, though. It was almost past lunch. Actually, Luca had come back to bring Noe lunch.
Well, dammit. Where had his fiancé gotten off to?
Swear to the gods, if he was still sitting up there on the hill—
The door rattled open behind him and he turned, spying Noe. Open relief coursed through Luca. He searched Noe’s expression, watched for a moment as he came in, but he seemed to be moving fine. If anything, getting some air had done him good, as his color had improved and he seemed in far better spirits.
Caedmon escorted him in, a wrapped box in his free hand. Seemed Luca’s captain had managed to talk Noe into coming back in order to have lunch. Smart man. It was likely the easiest method to get him back here. Luca would buy the man a drink later.
“Thank you,” he said to Caedmon, all while shifting to support Noe as he moved toward the bed.
“He’d not overdone it,” Caedmon drawled with a pointed look at Noe, “but was on the verge.”
“It was too satisfying watching it all come together,” Noe said in defense, grinning even as he carefully lowered onto the futon and pillows. “Plus I was having fun watching El and Nathan flirt.”
The whosit and whatsit? “My cousin El? And big puppy Nathan?”
“The very ones.” Noe sat back with a sigh that didn’t sound pained, just a bit tired. “Also, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks of him as an oversized puppy. El took one look at Nathan and started demanding information. Was he single, for instance. Then I did introductions and it was clear they both liked the look of each other very much.”
“Huh. I’d never have put those two together. But if she’s found someone to flirt with, I’m not going to argue.” Luca knelt to rearrange the pillows a little better, propping up Noe’s bad arm. “At least she’s chosen a good man to flirt with. Nathan’s likely the most gentle-natured and trustworthy Scovian, aside from you, whom I’ve met so far.”
“I’ll take the compliment, but I also agree with the assessment. Well, we’ll see what comes out of it, if anything.”
Early days yet to make any judgment calls, so Noe was right on that. Still, Luca was hopeful. His cousin hadn’t even found someone she wanted to flirt with in years, so her finding Nathan charming was a very good sign. Also, with someone to flirt with, maybe she’d stop nagging Luca into introducing her to men.
Caedmon stayed long enough to unwrap the bento boxes and the large soup thermos, then let himself back out. He did so with a pointed look at his laird and a jerk of his chin to Noe. Luca gave him a reassuring nod in return. Yes, he’d make sure the troublemaker would actually stay indoors the rest of the day.
With only one working arm, Noe had a little trouble eating, although he managed well enough with his nondominant hand. Still, Luca was in the habit of moving the whole table to rest over his lap so he could take advantage of the surface, instead of trying to juggle everything over his thighs. He turned to pick the table up when he felt Noe’s hand on his arm, staying him.
“Luca, before we eat, can we talk? I really need to get this off my chest before I lose my nerve.”
What was this? Surely Noe knew he could say anything to him.
Noe sucked in a breath before blurting out, “I’m in love with you.”
For a second, just a moment, time slowed to an absolute stillness. Had Luca heard that right? He had, he knew he had, but…well, this came completely out of the blue. He hadn’t been braced for this at all. Luca looked into Noe’s hazel eyes, saw the sincerity there, the love and nerves accompanying his declaration, and elation hit him like a sucker punch to the heart. But also, anxiety struck in the same breath. Would he be able to respond and give Noe what he needed in return? He wasn’t sure he could. Luca did love him, he did want him, but he couldn’t say he was in love with Noe, and right now the idea it might not be enough was frankly terrifying.
“I realize that wasn’t the plan, and it’s all right if you don’t feel the same, truly,” Noe babbled on, his nerves apparently getting the better of him. “You don’t need to feel pressured to reciprocate or say the words back, I just had to say something because it felt wrong to keep it to myself, like a lie, and lying to you from the get-go is a horrible way to start our lives together—mmph.”
Luca had to kiss him. Partially because he was too happy to do anything else. Partially because he needed a second to phrase in his head the right response. Not saying the words properly would surely cause trouble at this stage. He kissed Noe, lingering, enjoying the kiss, feeling the shuddery sigh that passed Noe’s lips. Only when he felt all right with breaking the kiss did he pull back, and even then, not far.
“Dearest.” Luca spoke softly, staying close so he could see every whit and change of expression. “I’m far from upset. In fact, you just made me very, very happy.”
Joy lit up Noe’s face and he pressed in for a quick kiss before demanding, “You’re not just saying so?”
“I’m not. I worry I might not be enough for you, but please understand, you are precious to me. Never doubt this.”
Naked relief took over Noe’s face. “That’s fine. That’s everything I need, really. I just felt like I should tell you how I feel.”
“I’m glad you did. You’re right, starting our life together on a lie—even a lie of omission—is a horrible idea. I do not wish for that kind of relationship with you, where you feel compelled to hide things from me in fear of upsetting me somehow.”
Noe brushed light fingers over his cheek, and gods, the way he looked at Luca. As if Luca was the epitome of every dream Noe had ever entertained. It was a heady feeling indeed, seeing the love and trust in those eyes.
“I’ll never let that fear enter my head again. I’ll tell you everything.”
“Do. And I’ll do likewise.” Luca kissed him again. “What even brought this on?”
“Ah, well, speaking with various people about what happened on the day of my accident brought everything into perspective for me. I was so cold and in so much pain at the time, I didn’t fully register everything that happened.”
“Ahhh. And now you do have the full picture.”
“Yes. And, well, I heard everything they said to me and realized in the process my feelings for you. It’s partially why I agreed to come back here for lunch, because I wanted to tell you.”
“I’m very glad.”
“Now, on a different note, I am famished. We picked up shrimp fried rice and miso soup on the way in.”
“It smells delightful. Let’s eat it before it gets any colder.”
Luca shifted the table and such about so Noe could eat comfortably. Luca was happier now than he had been even twenty minutes ago. Noe’s declaration of his heart had done that, and Luca wanted to return the favor. Honestly, he still didn’t know if he had it in him; Luca had never tried to fall in love before. Would he be able to?
They talked of light, easy topics while eating, and once Luca shifted the table back, he could see Noe drooping. As suspected, he’d overdone it. Luca bit back any chiding and instead got Noe situated again so he could take a nap. The best medicine for him right now was rest, and he encouraged Noe to sleep as much as possible.
Noe barely had the blanket over him before he was fast asleep. Luca knelt there at his side and looked him over, once again basking in this feeling of knowing he was loved. It was marvelous, knowing that, reveling in it.
It did present a challenge. Luca had opened up to Noe more than any other person, but he’d not done so fully, even then. He’d lived his life guarding part of himself from others. If he could take the final step, bare himself to Noe completely, would it let him fall in love with this sweetheart of a man?
He genuinely didn’t know. The fear of it being the wrong move lurked, ready to pounce, but Luca had never let fear stop him from taking action. He wasn’t about to do it now. It was just…was it the right step?
Still, Noe had the courage to face him head-on, even knowing Luca might not love him in the same way. In the face of such courage, how could Luca not reciprocate and at least try? It might hurt to try, but he’d rather hurt himself than hurt Noe by not even attempting it.
Whether or not he could properly fall in love with this man was uncertain, but he was game to start, to at least open his heart. Noe deserved it. Noe deserved the world. Either way, Luca would be the best husband he could to Noe. Nothing would stop him from doing that.
Luca was sure enough of his feelings that certain things needed to be done. First and foremost, informing his parents about Noe. This was the one part that unnerved him because he wasn’t sure how his parents would take the news.
Or if they’d take it at all.
He hadn’t breathed a word of his idea to them before leaving. Now that he was here, with a fiancé he cherished, he couldn’t just sit about and wait for things to unfold.
Realistically, Luca expected an argument, at the very least. A tantrum of epic proportions seemed even more likely. Another headache he’d have to deal with? His mother had her heart set on grandchildren from him and would likely not think of adopted grandchildren as her own. His father, well…his father thought of marriages as political arrangements. Luca marrying an engineer from Scovia was about as anti-political as you could get.
Then, on top of all that, a man instead of a bride?
His parents would likely take the news about as well as being served a parfait of decomposing dog shit.
Blowing out a stressed breath, Luca lifted his head enough to watch Noe peacefully sleeping. He’d warned Noe multiple times about his parents likely pitching a fit. His fiancé was under no illusions, but still…Luca didn’t want that for him. He didn’t want to drag Noe home to a country not his own, into a tense and hostile environment. Words could not express how much he did not want that.
Noe hadn’t done anything to deserve their animosity, for one thing. Luca had little desire to put up with his parents’ shit, for another.
Still…the whole purpose of Luca even trying to date men was to have a partner at his side in order to run the fortress, wasn’t it? His duty had been what dragged him to this point. He had obligations at home he couldn’t ignore because his parents made his life hell.
What would Luca do if they said no, adamantly, and barred him from bringing Noe home?
The question made him heartsick. He couldn’t imagine giving Noe up now. He didn’t want to imagine it. Duty demanded much of him—he couldn’t just shrug it aside—but letting go of Noe because of his parents’ demands…Luca couldn’t fathom how he’d even survive the fallout.
Luca forced his emotions to take a step back. He shouldn’t borrow trouble. His parents wouldn’t be pleased, that much was true, but maybe they’d be desperate enough to have him married and starting a family that they’d be willing to overlook Noe’s gender. It sounded like wishful thinking even in his head, but this whole idea at conception had been wishful thinking, so…
Luca pulled out pen and paper and set about writing the most comprehensive letter possible to his parents. He was determined to explain everything in such a way they couldn’t misinterpret his intentions or feelings on the matter. It might take twelve drafts to manage it, but he’d have Noe read this over before sending it, as he trusted his fiancé’s insight.
And if they rejected even the possibility, well, Luca had more than enough time to come up with a plan B.
Table of Contents
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- Page 33 (Reading here)
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