Page 52 of Stalked By the Alphas

51

ZACH

I stare blankly out the window of Carter’s SUV as we drive away from Hazel’s village. Her final words echo in my mind. You don’t even understand what you took from me.

The pain in her voice, the disgust in her eyes - it’s almost more than I can bear. I close my eyes, clenching my fists in my lap as I try to keep myself together. But I can feel myself unravelling, spiralling back down into that dark place I was in on the bridge last night.

“Zach?” Noah’s gentle voice breaks through the fog in my mind. “How are you doing?”

I laugh bitterly. “How do you think I’m doing? The woman we love hates us, and she has every right to.”

Carter’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. “We knew this was a possibility when we decided to come clean.”

“Knowing it and experiencing it are two very different things,” I snap .

Noah places a calming hand on my arm. “I know it hurts, but we have to respect her wishes. We owe her that much.”

I nod stiffly, knowing he’s right but hating it all the same. The urge to go back, to beg Hazel for forgiveness, to explain ourselves better, is almost overwhelming. But we’ve done enough damage.

“What do you think she meant by you don’t even understand what you took from me?” I ask quietly, trying to focus on the words, the meaning behind it.

Silence.

I turn to face Noah, who is looking out of the window, clearly avoiding my stare. “What do you know?”

“Nothing. I know nothing. I have speculations, and they are… not good.”

“Spit it out,” Carter growls from the front as he pulls up in the car park of the hotel a few miles from the village. We can still be close to Hazel but not in her face.

“I think… we… did something really bad,” he says slowly. “I think that she hasn’t had sex with anyone since her abuse.”

My breath catches in my throat, and I choke back the sob of utter misery that floods over me, making me wish I was still on that railing so I could end my worthless life once and for all.

“No,” Carter says, shaking his head. “No.”

“No?” Noah counters. “I think, yes.”

“He’s right,” I croak. The realisation of what we’ve done hits me like a tidal wave of anguish and torment. I feel sick to my stomach, bile rising in my throat.

“Oh God,” Carter whispers, his face pale. “We... we were her first...”

“And we took that from her,” I finish, my voice breaking. “Without her even knowing it was real.”

The enormity of our violation crashes over me. We didn’t just take advantage of Hazel during her heat. We stole something precious from her, something she can never get back. Her first real sexual experience, tainted by our selfishness and manipulation.

Noah runs a hand over his face, looking devastated. “We fucked up. We fucked up so badly.”

“That’s an understatement,” Carter growls, slamming his fist against the steering wheel repeatedly until he misses and blasts out the horn, which ricochets through my skull, making me feel disorientated and disconnected from reality.

I lean forward, burying my face in my hands, rocking back and forth. The urge to hurt myself, to punish myself for what we’ve done, is overwhelming. “How could we have been so blind? So selfish?”

“We thought we were protecting her,” Noah says weakly. “We told ourselves we were doing what was best for her.”

“And look where that got us,” Carter snaps. “We’ve lost her. She won’t ever forgive us, and she is right not to.”

His words hang heavy in the air. The finality of it all threatens to crush me .

“What do we do now?” I moan.

“We do what we promised,” Carter says firmly, though his voice is thick with emotion. “We leave her alone.”

“But—” I start to protest.

“No buts,” Noah interjects. “We’ve done enough damage.”

I slump back in my seat, feeling utterly defeated. They’re right, of course. We have no right to push ourselves back into Hazel’s life after what we’ve done. But the thought of never seeing her again, never having the chance to make things right, is unbearable.

“So that’s it?” I ask bitterly. “We just walk away?”

Carter sighs heavily. “For now, yes. We give her the space we said we would. If she ever decides she wants to talk to us again, it has to be on her terms.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then we live with the consequences of our actions,” Noah says softly. “It’s the least we deserve.”

Silence falls over the car as we all grapple with the reality of our situation. The weight of our mistakes, the enormity of what we’ve lost, settles over us like a suffocating blanket.

I can’t just do nothing. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I need to see her, to tell her how sorry I am, to make amends somehow.

I open the car door, but Noah’s hand shoots out to grip my arm. “Where are you going?”

“I need some air,” I lie. “I can’t breathe.”

“We’ll come with you. ”

“No!” I say, yanking my arm back. “I need to be alone. I won’t do anything stupid.”

“Zach,” Carter’s voice is gentle, probably more gentle than I have ever heard him.

“I promise, okay, I just need to be alone. I’ve got my phone. I’ll check-in.”

“If you don’t, we will come for you, and if you force me to go back and get Hazel to talk you down again, I will kick your arse so hard, you will end up in the middle of next year. Are we clear?” Carter growls.

The snort of amusement takes me by surprise as much as it does him. “Yes, sir.” I mock salute him and he narrows his eyes at me, but they let me go.

As soon as I’m out of sight of the car, I start running. I don’t have a clear plan, just an overwhelming need to see Hazel, to try and make things right somehow. I know it’s selfish, that I’m breaking my promise to leave her alone, but I can’t help myself. The thought of never seeing her again, never having the chance to explain or apologise properly, is gut-wrenching.

I slow to a jog as I near the village, my heart pounding from exertion and anxiety. What am I going to say to her? Will she even listen? Or will she just slam the door in my face?

Catching my breath as I walk down the high street towards the bookshop, I try to gather my thoughts. What am I even doing here? This is a terrible idea. I should turn around and go back to Carter and Noah. But I keep moving forward, drawn to Hazel like a magnet .

As I approach the bookshop, I see movement through the window. Hazel is there, arranging books on a shelf. My heart clenches at the sight of her. She looks tired, her movements slow and deliberate.

I’m about to push open the door when an older woman approaches Hazel. I watch as she says something to Hazel, who forces a smile in response. Even from here, I can see it doesn’t reach her eyes.

Guilt washes over me. We did this to her. We took her joy, her trust, her sense of safety. How can I possibly think I have any right to be here?

I back away from the door, my resolve crumbling. What was I thinking, coming here? Hazel made it clear she never wants to see us again. I have no right to force my presence on her, to make her relive the pain we’ve caused, just to make myself feel better.

As I turn to leave, movement catches my eye. Hazel is heading towards the back of the shop, presumably to her office. Before I can stop myself, I push open the door to the shop and step inside. The noise catches Hazel’s attention, and she stops, turning to look over. A forced smile forms on her face. Her eyes lock with mine, and the world falls away before it tilts on its axis, making me stumble and crash into a display of books near the door.