Page 16

Mali all but skips to the entrance of the shops. The sun is shining, finally, and she makes a mental note to start planning what to plant in the garden. Maybe the shops will have some bulbs. Food shopping isn’t her most enjoyable chore, unless it’s the first shop in a new place or she’s in a foreign country, but the text from Zach was a lifeline. One: Toby was annoying her. And two: she kinda misses him. Zach, that is, not Toby.

Since he moved in, he avoids her more than he seeks her out, but she lives for the tiny moments in-between. When she catches him in the kitchen and he makes her a tea. When she hears him on the phone and he uses his customer-service voice, which is his normal voice with a laugh thrown in every third line. When he sits at the dining table matching his rugby socks as she makes her dinner. That’s where she learnt that his dad left when they were kids. That’s where she learnt he likes blue-flavoured things. That’s where she learnt he sings along to Beyoncé under his breath. That’s where she learnt she wants to learn everything else there is to know about him.

It’s not the same as before—when she only ever saw him across the carpark and she was nervous that if she smiled at him, he might start growling—but she wishes he’d want to spend more time with her. Most nights, she wonders how wild it would be to knock on his door and tell him something random just so she could sit on the edge of his bed. She wonders if all his stuff is unpacked. If he bought new furniture while she was at work. She wonders if he knew she would have helped him if he asked.

Most people on the team speak highly of him when he’s not around, and she knows he’s a good guy from what she’s seen, but she wants him to tell her that. To show her that side of him. She wants to know what his dreams are, and if they’re different from when he was younger. She wants to know if he thinks about her as much as she thinks about him. She wants to know if he knows she’s incorporated the word “innit” into her inner monologue because he uses it so much. She wants to know if he’s ever going to apologise for stealing her cat.

Mali sees him walking towards her just as she grabs a trolley. Somehow, in the early morning annoyance at work, she forgot how attractive she finds him. She’s trying not to think about it, because they’re roommates now and she’s not in the middle of a rom com. He’ll live with her for a maximum of six months, speak all of four words to her in that time, and she’ll think about him for the rest of her life.

Still, a smile blooms on her face, but it falls before he sees it. He’s sad, or he’s mad, or he’s bored.

“Hey,” she says, her hands tight against the handle so she doesn’t try to hug him. (Mali hugs everyone, it’s not weird, but she does think she’d think about him inappropriately if she hugged him, so she doesn’t.) Zach smiles slightly, his arms waving by his sides like he was about to hug her too but changed his mind. They’ve never hugged before. They’ve barely even touched. The five-second hand-holding at the table has never been mentioned, let alone repeated.

“Hey.”

“You okay?”

He nods, and she doesn’t believe him, but she doesn’t push it. One thing she has learnt about Zach is she can push and he’ll tell her, but she wants him to tell her because he wants to, not because he wants her to stop asking.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

Mali walks in front of him, putting her bag in the child’s seat. She doesn’t have a list, which is silly. She’s hungry, so it’s possible she’s about to spend her monthly wage on random snacks. She vaguely remembers writing something on the list on the fridge, but now she can’t remember it, and all she’s thinking about is Smarties.

She stops at the fruit and veg, wondering what she wants to eat this week that’s not full of sugar. Perhaps Zach would want to share food with her this time. She’s got a busy week at work, and him handling breakfast would be a lifesaver. There’s something stopping her from asking him, though. Something to do with how he doesn’t speak to her, and how when she asked at the start if he wanted to split food, he said no.

Something like that.

Sometimes, Mali feels like they’re still not friends, they’re acquaintances who live together, and she wants more than that because she always wants to know people. She’s not particularly good at being disliked. She’ll get over that, though, if the person is a cunt. But Zach’s not, even if he likes to think he is. She’s desperate to know him.

“What’s—” she starts while he says, “How—”

“You go first,” she says, frowning at the green bananas. Ripen at home is all very well, but what if she wants a banana in the next ten days?

“How are you?” he asks. She smiles at him. He’s so cute, like it takes him time to remember how to have a normal conversation. She wonders if it’s because he’s so used to dealing with dicks at work or if that’s just how his brain works.

“I’m okay. A bit tired, I think, and I don’t know what I want for dinner.”

“Where’s your list?” Zach asks, and she pouts. “Mali…”

“No,” she whines, barely resisting the urge to rest her forehead against his chest. Lord above, what she would do for him to hug her right now. “I called my dad on the way to work this morning, and I forgot the one on the fridge. Be nice to me or I’m going to let him come round.”

“Why can’t he come round?” Zach asks, picking up a bunch of bananas, but he scowls too.

“He’s a fan, and not a small fan. A he knows what you scored in your last match fan. I don’t want you to be freaked out.”

Zach smiles. “He’s your dad, Mal. I’m going to be nervous either way. Besides, I know you miss your parents. Don’t change anything for me.”

Mali hums. “’Kay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when he turns up in head-to-toe Titans gear.”

Zach laughs, a real one. They’re so friends.

“Why are none of these bananas even slightly yellow?” he asks, placing them in the trolley either way.

“Ugh,” Mali replies. “I hate shopping.”

“I would have got the stuff you wanted,” he says. “You didn’t have to come.”

Mali swallows. “I know. I wanted to come with you.”

He smiles a true, dimple-making smile. “You did?”

“I did.”

“’Ight,” he replies, pulling his list out. “Let’s copy some of Mum’s stuff. She wants lamb chops and mash.”

“Oh my God,” Mali moans as Zach reaches for some apples. They're not Pink Lady's so she's not interested. “I want that. Do you wanna bring her for dinner at ours?”

Zach’s hands drop. Luckily, he hadn’t picked up any apples yet, or they’d be scrambling on the floor to pick them up. Okay, so maybe not friends. “What?”

Mali blinks. Here she goes, offering up things he clearly isn’t interested in.

“I mean, you don’t have to. But if you want to bring her for tea, you can.”

“Oh.”

“I can go out,” she carries on, feeling the heat wrap around her neck. “You know, if you wanted to bring her over but it’s too much having me there. I know I can be a lot. Frank wants to get dinner this week anyway.” Zach frowns, and he is honestly the most confusing person she’s ever met in her entire life. Really, she should stay away and not get involved. She asks him anyway. “What’s wrong? Because you said you were okay, but you’re a bad liar, honey. And no, you don’t have to tell me anything, but if you want to, I’m a good listener.”

“The other day Frankie tried to tell you about her focaccia disaster and you kept interrupting with song lyrics,” Zach replies, but he’s smiling at her.

“She was asking for it! Who takes seven minutes to describe making bread badly?”

Zach laughs, then rubs his hand over his forehead. “I don’t know what to do about Mum. I can’t trust Devon.”

A tiny part of her that she’s trying to ignore is worried he’s going to move out. He mentioned a while back that he couldn’t move in with his mum because of the space. At the time Mali didn’t know Devon existed, so surely now, there’s even less space? She doesn’t want Zach to leave. She’s getting used to seeing his jumper on the dining table, and she likes to see how he folds the blankets in the morning even though he doesn’t use them, and she hasn’t even gotten a photo of Buffy sleeping on him yet.

“Why not?” she asks.

“He sold her washing machine and dryer.” He scoffs. “I just—I feel bad, but when he’s so determined not to get help, it’s easier when he’s not around. I spend so long worrying about her, and he’s supposed to help, but I can’t leave her with him. Now, I’ve got a carload of laundry to wash and dry, and the nearest laundrette is closed.”

God, it all sounds so awful, and she knows how hard he works to make sure his mum is okay, so Mali does the only thing she can think of—she hugs him. Full arms around his waist, head against his chest hugs him.

“I’m sorry, Zach.”

“Thanks,” he mumbles, and when she pulls back, she thinks it’s possible he didn’t move at all. His eyes are about as wide as she thinks they'd go. Did he hug her back? His arms suggest not, which is awkward, but she’s going to ignore it.

“Take your mum’s stuff home. We have a washing machine and a dryer. Also, it’s dry tomorrow, so stuff can go on the line easily enough.”

“I can’t do that,” Zach replies, his voice so quiet she can barely hear it over the scoffing of an old lady who wants fruit. Mali moves the trolley to the corner, and Zach follows her.

Mali frowns. “Why not?”

“I’m already taking over your life. I can’t—”

“Zach,” she says, stopping him in his tracks. She wants to touch him again. She’ll respect his wishes of clearly not wanting that, but at least this confession tells her maybe he doesn’t hate her. He’s just nervous. “You have like three mugs at my place, and I never see you. Bring the washing home, and your mum. Please. I want lamb and mash so bad.”

“She did ask to see you,” he says, with a small smile.

Mali smiles so wide she thinks she must look like the joker. “We need to be best friends! It’s in the stars. Can you just say yes, please?”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Yay! Okay, what’s on the list?” She goes to turn, but there’s a small child staring up at her with the most awed face she’s ever seen. Well, he’s looking at Zach, but Zach hasn’t noticed him yet.

“Sorry,” a woman—she assumes his mother because the child leans his entire tiny body back against her—says. “Uhm, is it possible to get an autograph?”

Mali looks up at Zach. This might be the most exciting thing that’s ever happened to her. Zach looks confused.

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

The child takes his hands away from his mouth, and his cheeks are so red Mali’s surprised he hasn’t burst into flames. “You’re Zachariah Azan,” he says.

“I am.”

“You’re my favourite player,” he replies, turning his face against his mum’s thigh, and Mali squeals. “Mummy’s favourite is Kai, but you’re my favourite.”

“Oh,” Zach says. Mali knows he’s nervous, but anyone else might think he doesn’t want to give them anything.

Mali bends down to talk with the child. “Do you want a photo?” she asks, and he nods his head.

“Zach,” she says, standing up and grabbing onto his wrist. She wasn’t going to touch him again, but a child’s happiness depends on it. Zach blinks a couple times, looking from her face to her hand. “Focus. You have a tiny, cute fan.”

“Oh. Oh!” He bends down. “Hey, champ.” The boy bends in half with glee, and he’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen in her life. The child is cute too.

“If I’m your favourite, you have great taste, but the rest of the team is pretty cool too.”

Mali wishes the media would see this guy, take a photo of this guy. Plaster this guy on the back pages.

“Daddy likes Adebayo,” the child says, his nerves clearly melting away as he spins so he’s standing next to Zach. “I told him you scored all the tries, but Daddy said you also defend super well, so I was good at picking a favourite player.”

Zach laughs, and Mali snaps one to ten photos of him smiling.

“What did you want me to sign, big man?”

“My top,” he says, rushing to unzip his coat. His top is tiny because he is tiny, and Mali almost cries. She wishes Zach knew how loved he was. By people. In general.

“Oh, wow, this is the best one I’ve seen,” Zach says. His voice is happy, and Mali doesn’t think it’s fake. “Okay. What’s your name?”

“Aiden.”

“Aiden’s a great name.”

“He’s so cute.” Mali almost jumps, because she’s not expecting the child’s mum to talk, but she does.

“Oh, yeah. It’s adorable.”

“Are you…” She starts waving her finger between Mali and Zach. “You know… together?”

“Oh,” Mali replies. She thought the kid’s mum had been saying Aiden was cute. Huh. Mali knows Zach is cute, and she knows people think Zach is cute. She’s never felt this way when hearing it though.

“No.”

The mum smiles and flips her hair over her shoulder. Her voice is low, but not low enough as she says, “Don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off him. What an arse, am I right?”

Mali frowns but turns it into a smile so she doesn’t cause a scene. Should people be able to talk about people like that? Did Zach hear her? It’s possible he’d like it. She’d hate it if she overheard someone say that about her, but Zach is known to take home his fair share of women—not that it means he wants to be talked about like a sex object. The whole interaction leaves a foul taste in her mouth, but it mostly disappears when Zach is still smiling minutes later.

“I hope you know this means I need my shirts signed,” Mali says, placing sour sweets in the trolly.

“I’m not signing my own tops, Mal,” Zach replies.

“They aren’t yours. Well, I do have one of yours, but it’s mine now, and I have others.”

“You do?”

“Yeah,” Mali says, handing him some crisps. His fingers brush the back of her hand, and she takes a deep breath in. “My parents are popping round at the weekend. After my father stops squealing at your existence, he’ll probably show you a thousand photos if you ask.”

“I can’t believe you’re a superfan,” he says, his voice low.

Mali rolls her eyes. “You literally asked me if I was when we first met.”

Zach’s face drops. “I was a prick that day.”

“Nah,” she replies. “That’s just your voice. Besides, everyone is a dick sometimes.”

He smiles. “You’ve never been one.” He moves the trolley, and she follows after him as she tries to think of a time she was a dick, and for whatever was on her list on the fridge.

“I have,” she says. “You should see the review I left for that jumper I bought that fell apart in the wash. Sometimes it’s required. It doesn’t make you a terrible person for slipping up when it’s not.”

Zach hums. “Did you get Marmite?”

“Marmite!” she almost yells. “That was on my list!”

Zach laughs. “Yeah, and like eight other things, Mal.”

She groans. “I can’t remember them.” It’s not a big deal. She’ll pop out tomorrow if she needs to.

“I have them,” he replies, pulling out his paper list. So efficient. “Strawberries, tampons—and you put in brackets purple—milkshake powder, bananas, rocket, toothpaste, something sweet.” He looks at her triumphantly, and she thinks friendship like this is what she wants. Someone who notes down her scrawled list on the fridge. Someone who would ask a member of staff for tampons (purple). Someone who thinks about her when she’s not around. Someone who asks her if she wants anything from the shop even though he had her list written down. Someone that notices she gets headaches because she’s a child who can’t drink bad tea. Someone that notices her.

“I’ve never seen you drink a milkshake.”

“I don’t. I’m going to make smoothies this week for breakfast because I always hear you making them and I want them, but I don’t think I’d like it with water.”

“I don’t put water in mine,” he replies. “Why didn’t you say? I can make double; I’ll leave the supplements out for you. I didn’t know the blender woke you up.”

“I’m usually awake anyway.”

He frowns. “Then why don’t I see you until you get home from work?”

Mali chews on her lip as they walk to get all the things she forgot right at the front of the store. “Yeah, well, I… I like to lie in.”

“Liar.”

Mali looks up at him with a frown, and he’s smirking at her like she got a quiz question wrong, even though she did not. “Why am I a liar?”

“At the weekend, you’re up at the crack of dawn. Why don’t you get up during the week?”

She sighs. If she tells him the truth, will he feel awkward? If she lies, will he know?

“I’m just getting used to the turn of the season,” she says. It’s half-true, but she thinks Zach might have had enough things to worry about for one day, let alone his roommate who doesn’t leave her room in the mornings because she thinks he’ll avoid her.

Zach hums. “Okay. Well, mornings are boring without you. So, get used to it quick.”