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CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“So,” Felicity said. “This is… better ?”

Theo winced. “Yeah.”

Felicity shot him a sideways look, squinting through the moonlight. “Well. That’s bad news.”

Theo didn’t reply. He watched Skeeter and Kade as they crouched over one of the many, many deer that Kade had killed over the past few days. Kade kept lifting his head to snarl at Skeeter, his eyes black and vicious.

Their first hunt had ended with Theo holding Kade down until he stopped trying to wriggle free and chase a minivan into the road. Their second—because Kade had gotten hungry a mere five hours after feeding—ended with Kade punting Theo into a tree because he tried to stop him going after a hiker.

After that, Theo enlisted backup. Skeeter had been overjoyed to get out of the house every night. Even more excited to stretch her legs. She’d been less enthused about killing forest life, but by the time Kade ripped something’s throat out any reluctance got overtaken by hunger.

Felicity sighed, head cocking as she watched them feed. “Look at that. Did you see them run ? Pure freedom.”

Theo frowned. Freedom wasn’t how he would describe a hunt. Running for running’s sake, maybe. He’d had some truly transcendent experiences running through the woods as fast as he dared. But not a hunt. There was no freedom in their faces when Kade brought the deer down, just hunger and something that looked oddly similar to when Kade tackled a classmate to the ground, bright and brutal. The monster face, Kade had said when Theo brought it up. I didn’t even have to try with that one.

Theo asked, “Are you sure you didn’t find anything suspicious at the Emmerson house? They’re a hunting family, they should have something .”

“Mom and I will go back again later. And we won’t bring food. They didn’t like it last time, it makes them feel like a funeral situation. Our daughter’s not dead, she might be totally fine,” Felicity continued, in what Theo assumed was a mocking imitation of Mr. Emmerson.

She pulled her leg up behind her, stretching. “Sure you don’t want to come? Maybe you can sniff something out.”

“I will,” Theo said. “I just have to…you know.”

He nodded at Kade, who was growling at Skeeter again before burying his face in warm deer belly.

“Right,” Felicity said, stretching her leg high. “Babysitting duty. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be stocking shelves right now?”

“Called in sick.”

Felicity snorted. “Again? You can’t have that many sick days.”

Theo didn’t. His manager had pulled him aside during his last shift to tell him if he kept this up, he’d be out on his ass.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” he asked. “You have school tomorrow.”

“And miss all this?” Felicity let go of her leg and smiled. It was a surprisingly warm smile, if a little exhausted. “How’s training going? Want to try to coax your wings out later?”

Theo sighed. “We can try. I’m meeting up with Milly today, seeing if she can help. I need to be stronger, Liss. Something that can match his monster.”

Felicity hummed. “I don’t know. Looks like Kade has that handled—oh, crap.”

Kade was staring at her again, gore dripping off his chin. Beside him, Skeeter continued eating, unbothered.

“Yummy deer,” Felicity called, reaching slowly for the knife she had strapped to her belt. “Right? Don’t look at the human in the curtains. Look at that warm, ripe deer right in front of you!”

Kade bolted up, teeth bared.

Felicity yanked her knife out. “Shit.”

“Shit,” Theo agreed, and tackled Kade to the ground.

Kade snarled and swiped. Theo pinned him, counting down. Last time it had taken ten seconds.

“Come back,” he told Kade as he growled. “Hey. None of that. It’s just Liss, okay? We like Liss. Put the teeth away.”

Slowly, Kade’s growling faded.

Skeeter blurred to Theo’s side, wavering awkwardly. “Is he okay? Do I help?”

“No,” Theo said, politely not bringing up how she’d barely been any help since the first time, where she’d accidentally clawed Theo in the face while grabbing Kade’s wrists. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

Kade blinked hard. The black bled away, leaving nothing but lovely gray. He stared up at them.

Felicity waved. “Sup, snacky?”

Kade groaned, sagging against the forest floor. “Again? Liss, I told you to go home .”

“I’m exposure therapy!” Felicity argued, sheathing her knife. “I’m helping . Look, Skeeter’s around me all the time and she’s fine! You having fun, Skeet?”

“Yeah,” Skeeter said, pulling a bloody strand of hair from her mouth. “I mean. Until I remember I’m vegetarian. Then I kinda want to cry. I petted a friendly fawn last spring, I really hope that wasn’t her.”

“Don’t pet wild animals,” Theo said.

“Dude, we murder wild animals on a regular basis. Let her pet one.” Kade shifted in the dirt. “Gonna let me up?”

“What? Oh.” Theo stood, dragging Kade up by his shirt. “Sorry.”

He tried wiping Kade down. It was useless—the blood and dirt were congealing over his clothes, and Theo was wearing gloves. He knew from previous hunts: wiping his face would just smear the grime in deeper.

“How are you feeling?” Skeeter asked.

Kade shrugged. He’d been…distant, since he got turned. Theo couldn’t tell if it was bloodlust or disappointment from not being able to touch Theo, or that the ritual was still on, never mind that Kade’s heart had stopped beating. Whenever he asked, Kade insisted he was fine, and that Theo needed to quit bothering him about it.

Kade turned to Skeeter, who was looking sadly at a piece of deer fur she’d picked out of her teeth. “How long did it take for your hunger to calm down?”

“Oh,” Skeeter said. “Um.”

Her gaze darted toward Theo, who tried to look as unconcerned as possible. They’d already discussed this the day before while Kade was showering the blood off: Theo and Skeeter were never as ravenous as Kade, who was eating a dozen animals every night and still getting human blood every day. In a mug, because they didn’t trust him to feed from the source yet. Theo didn’t want to have to pull him off Felicity, no matter how much she complained that donating blood wasn’t worth it without venom.

“I’m sure it will settle down soon,” Skeeter said, sounding as convincing as Felicity pretending to be sober at a party after nine p.m.

“It’s just the first week,” Theo added. “It’s intense.”

Kade ran a hand over his short hair, grimacing when he realized he was rubbing blood through it.

“Sure,” he said. “Great. Until then, I’m just…really living up to the Monster name.”

A cool spring breeze washed over the forest. Only one of them shivered.

Milly set up a mirror in the least scorched part of the Sloan training room.

“Try to connect with the beast inside,” she told him. “He’s in there. You just have to draw him out.”

Theo stared into his reflection. Same golden curls. Same strong nose and chiseled jawbone, same nonexistent stubble that would never grow out. He looked stressed. Kade was back at the house with a thermos full of raccoon blood to tide him over. It didn’t feel safe sending him to school when he could hardly control himself around his aunt, let alone a hundred jeering classmates.

“It’s worse for Kade,” Theo said. “The bloodlust. We’re hunting every night.”

Milly looked up from her notebook. She’d been idly scratching at the scar on her face, her pen shoved into the divot.

“I have a new friend in North Carolina who helps with newborns who have a harder time adjusting,” she said distractedly. “He can go to her if it doesn’t get better.”

Theo dug his fingers into his denim-clad knees. He didn’t want Kade to go to North Carolina. He wanted Milly to give them a fix. A cure-all. Something that would make Kade stop staring at Felicity’s wrists as she tied her hair, or a passerby’s sweaty neck.

Milly pushed her skull-festooned friendship bracelet higher up her arm. “What did your dad say about turning?”

“He said I needed to be what he made me,” Theo said sourly. He touched his side. It was almost healed, the grooves Victor had taken out of him turning once more to smooth, dead skin.

“Vicious,” he continued. “Connect with the beast. Like you said.”

Milly nodded, scribbling something in her notebook. “You will need to fight. Even if we find a way to avert the ritual, he will come after you.”

“I know ,” Theo said, too harsh. He swallowed, forced his tone calm. “Any news?”

Milly shook her head, her hair sticking to her collarbones. She hadn’t been washing it lately.

“I’ve been trying to figure out how your mother’s involved. I’ve read about vampires being starved for long periods of time, it takes them a while to bounce back. And you can’t raze a town if you’re that weak. And she’s been burning with magic fire for centuries, that can’t help. She’ll need some way to get back to her full strength.”

“A new body,” Theo supplied, heart sinking. “You think she’s a vessel.”

“Maybe.” Milly scratched her scar again, pausing her pen as she noticed the look on his face. “Or I could be wrong. I didn’t guess anything about reincarnation, it’s entirely possible the theory is?—”

“Okay,” Theo snapped. “ Thanks , or whatever. Just help me focus.”

Milly set her notebook down and stared at the page, her white eye twitching. Her voice was deeper and oddly faraway. Like she was speaking to him from the end of a long tunnel.

“Tune into your rage,” she said. “Into your hunger.”

Theo stared into his reflection. Those damn blond curls. The haughty expression he fell into when he was pissed off. He was a Fairgood, for better or worse. Might as well use that to his advantage. Might as well make him something other than a tool to be used.

“Tune into the thing scratching inside of you,” Milly continued.

Theo tried to feel the scratch. Nothing happened. He closed his eyes, conjuring wings itching inside his shoulders, his bones lengthening and snapping into strange new shapes. Claws pressing inside his fingers, wanting out.

He needed to do this. To be as big as his father. To be just as tall and spindly and wicked. Something to match his horrible bulk. He’d tried to give into it for so long: hiding his soft parts, pulling up a sneer instead of an apology, making his parents proud. Now he had to put the soft parts away again, drag the viciousness out a while longer.

Just for a night. Long enough to kill his dad. Then he could be New Theo again, who held his boyfriend’s hand in the halls and carried a mushroom identifying booklet in his backpack and didn’t join in on the laughter when someone tripped in the halls.

“Become what you must be,” Milly said, her voice thick and wrong.

For a moment, Theo felt it: an itch, right over his heart.

He opened his eyes.

His reflection stared back at him. Same harmless curls, same brown eyes. Milly sat across from him, blinking rapidly. Her pen had snapped in two.

“Ah,” she said, frowning down at the ink stain on her hand. She wiped it on her shirt and cleared her throat. “How are things with Sparky?”

Theo glowered at his useless reflection. “About as good as this.”

Two hours later he was in the woods again, throwing a stick.

Sparky ran for it, tongue lolling happily out of her mouth. She leapt, stretching out to grab it out of the air.

“Stop,” Theo called.

Sparky hesitated. The stick clattered onto the forest floor, Sparky following it forlornly.

Theo sighed. “You’re meant to ignore me! Do what you want.”

Sparky gave him an uncertain look and picked up the stick. He didn’t need a psychic link to interpret that look: you want me to obey you SOMETIMES. But not OTHER times. This is all so confusing.

“I know it’s weird,” Theo said, bending down as she came plodding back. “We just need to be prepared for the next time he tries to command you. If you can’t disobey me , what chance do you have with the guy who has a mind-control switch in your brain?”

Sparky whined and dropped the stick into his lap.

Theo took it. “I know he made you. But that doesn’t mean you let him take you over. Follow your heart. Where’s it pointing?”

Sparky barked happily and took off.

Theo turned to find Kade emerging through the trees, hauling Sparky easily into his arms for a kiss. He hadn’t made any noise. Theo would miss his heavy step, a noise as constant as Kade’s heartbeat. But it was still undeniably Kade, even if Theo couldn’t hear him coming anymore.

Kade lowered Sparky and picked up the stick near Theo’s feet, tossing it out of sight. “Go fetch.”

Sparky took off, barking.

Theo kissed Kade’s gloved palm. “How are you feeling?”

“Great,” Kade replied flatly, lowering their joined hands to drum the thermos of blood clipped to his belt. “How’d monster training go?”

Theo laughed. “Do you see any wings?”

Kade made a show of checking Theo’s back. He was more graceful now that he was dead. His movements were smoother, faster. His scars were gone—Any evidence of a lifetime sticking himself with sewing needles and getting into fights wiped clean when his heart stopped. So was Theo’s kiss scar, and the burn Kade refused to let Theo heal after the Hawthorn fight. The only thing that remained was his eyebrow, the split never growing back after Theo accidentally burned it. Theo often caught Kade stroking it in the mirror. When Theo asked him about it, he admitted that he was hoping he’d get to keep the kiss scar.

“I felt something,” Theo said. “I just need to tune into it. Get properly vicious, one last time.”

“Maybe I should try. I’m more connected to my viciousness nowadays.” Kade pulled his lips back, showing off his fangs. He said it sarcastically, but there was something bitter underneath it. The same panic that came whenever he blinked back to himself to find Theo holding him back from ravaging some innocent hiker.

“You’re just hungry,” Theo told him.

Kade huffed, looking into the trees.

Theo squeezed his hand. “What?”

“Nothing.” Kade chewed his lip, the strip of skin growing back the second he scraped it off. “I just—I don’t know. Wish we could be who we wanna be already.”

It was so quiet and honest that Theo was taken aback.

“What do we want to be?”

Kade smirked. “Soft. Peaceful. I know I’m all—” He waved at his outfit, his wallet chain and ripped clothes and single dagger earring. “But you know me. I want to be soft. And yours. I want to be other things, obviously, but those are the main two.”

He scuffed a boot in the dirt, the movement blurring inhumanly fast. But still Kade. Still the sweet, lovely boy Theo had tried not to fall for and failed miserably. He was gone for Kade before he brought him a pair of replacement knitting needles.

Kade rolled his eyes. “What? Quit looking at me like that.”

“Not looking at you like anything,” Theo said quietly.

He dropped Kade’s hand. Any longer and the urge to lean in would become physically painful. He missed Kade’s soft metallic scent, which was so much stronger when he was alive. He missed watching Kade sleep—it was the only time he was totally relaxed. He missed cooking for Kade and biting into his beautiful neck. He missed Kade’s blood, the best thing he’d ever tasted. But he still had Kade—that was what mattered.

“We need to do something normal,” Theo announced. “Something that isn’t monster training and Sparky training and hunting and trying to figure out where the last ritual ingredients are.”

This finally coaxed a proper laugh out of Kade. “How the tables turn! Remember when it was me desperately trying to make you chill out for five seconds?”

Theo laughed awkwardly. He still couldn’t talk much about the weeks following his dad’s ‘death.’ He didn’t like who he had turned into.

“Movie night?” he suggested. “Popcorn, action movies, Felicity can paint your nails?—”

“Sure! Yeah. We can hunt early, then…yeah.” Kade bit his lip hard, the skin sealing back into place under his teeth as he looked into the trees. Sparky was coming back, her paws beating loud on the forest floor.

“Totally normal movie night,” Kade finished. “Awesome.”