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CHAPTER ONE
One week before Kade Renfield died, he settled in for a quiet evening with his boyfriend.
Everything was set up: popcorn fresh from the microwave. A documentary paused on the TV. Theo on the couch, absentmindedly untangling a ball of yarn.
It was the kind of thing that drove Kade crazy, but Theo found it weirdly soothing. He’d been untangling a lot of yarn since he’d moved in. Cooking foraged mushrooms. Pruning the wisteria and rearranging old takeout containers under the sink. Not being able to sleep gave him a lot of time on his hands.
Theo spoke up from the couch. “Sure you don’t have FOMO from missing out on the Founder’s Day party last night?”
Kade snorted. “Would I rather crash a party no one wanted me at, or spend the evening watching MASH reruns with my boyfriend? Huh, let me think. No . You?”
“I don’t really care about that stuff anymore,” Theo said. He lowered his yarn. “God. Last year it was so important that everything was perfect .”
He smiled bitterly. It was the anniversary, he’d reminded Kade last night. One year since Theo died. Which meant they had two weeks until the ritual night rolled around again.
Kade swallowed. They weren’t talking about it. Not tonight, anyway. Tonight was a movie night. Kade would eat popcorn and knit, Theo would tell him fun facts about plants. Maybe later they’d both put gloves on so they could hold hands.
Kade’s bare fingers flexed around the popcorn bowl. He never knew how much he’d want the simple luxury of holding his boyfriend’s hand, no fabric in the way. Milly and Kade had been looking into a way to nullify the ritual: if Theo and Kade weren’t the lock and key, then Victor couldn’t get Cyth out of her burning prison. But it also meant that Kade could finally kiss his goddamn boyfriend without risking third-degree burns. He knew he should be more excited about Lock not getting destroyed.
But mostly he was excited about the kissing thing.
Kade still hadn’t told Theo about his current plan. He was saving it for when Theo was in a good mood.
“Alright,” Kade said, falling into the couch. “Let’s learn about plants. Woo!”
Theo snorted, letting Kade sling his skinny legs over his jean-clad knees. “You don’t have to pretend to be so excited.”
“What’s not exciting about carnivorous plants?” Kade twisted to look down the hall. “Where’s our favorite girl?”
“Don’t tell Liss you said that.”
“Liss understands.” Kade whistled. “Sparky! Here, girl!”
Silence.
Theo looked up from his ball of yarn and frowned.
Kade’s heart plummeted. “What?”
“One second.” Theo closed his eyes.
Kade’s heart sank even lower as he watched the line between Theo’s blond brows deepen. They’d been working on the link between Theo and his hellhound ever since she obeyed Victor during that awful fight. If Theo focused, he could sense where his dog was. Judging by how long Theo was searching, Sparky wasn’t anywhere close.
Kade sighed, lifting his legs off Theo’s lap. “I’ll go get the keys.”
They left the plant documentary on pause. This evening was still for them, no matter what lay ahead.
Kade drove. He needed practice. He was going for his unrestricted license next year, and he was much less confident than Theo behind the wheel. It was one of the many things he had on this year’s to-do list: get better at driving. Pass sophomore year with a B average. Save some money. Theo was trying to get him a job stocking shelves with him at the grocery store, but no one was eager to hire the teen who had been arrested several times and had a history of getting into fights, even if Theo vouched for him.
Kade was setting up for his future. He was going to have one, even if every part of him told him he was doomed. That he’d been doomed his whole life. It was in him, as deep and crucial as his bones.
Theo pointed. “That way.”
Kade jerked the wheel. They both grimaced as Theo’s Lexus veered around the corner.
Theo opened his mouth.
“Go slower on corners, I know,” Kade said.
“That’s not it,” Theo replied. He peered out at the trees streaking past. “I just…assumed she was heading to my old house.”
Kade grunted. He’d been as surprised as Theo when they’d turned that corner.
“Guess she’s got somewhere else to be,” he said quietly.
Kade brought the Lexus to a rumbling stop outside the Fletcher house.
Kade peered up at the big house, dread brewing in his chest. “They didn’t dognap her, did they?”
“She doesn’t feel stressed.” Theo cocked his head, listening.
Kade whispered, “Are they home?”
“Don’t know. I can’t tune into them like I can to you.” Theo climbed out of the driver’s seat. “Come on. The plot thickens.”
Kade huffed a laugh. A year ago, he would’ve been excited, another page turning in the story. But a year ago he thought this was a fun story they’d stumbled into, not a grim tragedy they were trapped in.
Theo cupped his hands around his mouth and whispered, “Sparky! Come here, girl!”
A happy woof echoed through the warm evening air.
Theo shushed her. Then he blurred into motion. Kade blinked twice and his boyfriend was standing in front of him, a dirt-smeared Sparky in his arms.
Kade scratched her muddy muzzle. “Naughty girl. We could be learning about venus flytraps right now and instead we’re chasing you down. Are you happy with yourself?”
Sparky wagged her tail, bumping Theo’s chin.
“Rotten little shit,” Kade mumbled fondly.
Theo kissed Sparky’s head. “Alright. Let’s drag the runaway back home and?—”
He stopped. He was staring at the house. No, scratch that—he was staring past the house, watching the greenhouse tucked into the mouth of the forest. The heavy padlock on the door was gone, the door half-open.
Aaron Fletcher ran into view, and even from this far away Kade could tell he was swearing. He caught sight of the boys and froze.
His remaining hand tightened around the trowel he was carrying. When he came back to school after the fight with Victor back in autumn, one hand was swathed in braces and bandages, and the other hand was gone. In its place was a stump, his sleeve buttoned over it.
Kade nudged Theo. “Come on. We have a hot date to get back to, remember?”
“What? Right.” Theo spared one last look at the frozen shape of Aaron in front of the greenhouse. Then he turned back toward the car, Sparky wriggling in his arms.
Kade followed, his gaze stuck on Aaron’s dirt-streaked trowel. Aaron didn’t seem like the type to do his own gardening. Then again, maybe they’d fired all the help. The Fletchers had gotten increasingly insular since Mr. Fletcher died. Former social butterfly Mrs. Fletcher glared if fellow moms tried making small talk at the supermarket. Aaron quit the basketball team and even stopped wearing hair gel, hair flopping sadly as he slouched alone from class to class, his stump hand hidden in his sleeve.
Kade would feel sorry for them if they weren’t such assholes.
The first thing Theo did once they got through the door was kneel and press his forehead to Sparky’s.
“No running away,” he told her. “You live here now, alright? Home .”
Sparky barked. Then she licked Theo’s face, smearing yet more dirt, and scampered down the hall toward Aunt Sundance’s room.
Kade grimaced. His hand twitched toward Theo’s face, wanting to wipe it clean. For a moment he let himself entertain the fantasy that they were normal boyfriends, and Kade was able to do something so simple as touch his cheek. Then he curled his fingers into a fist.
“The venus flytraps await,” he said, gesturing toward the paused TV.
“Great,” Theo said, with such a forced air of excitement that Kade could hardly believe this was the same guy who cried over venus flytraps during class in freshman year. He’d said it was allergies, and because he was Theo Fairgood—basketball star and all-around golden boy—everybody believed him. But now Kade knew the truth: under that asshole jock facade lay a soft heart that cared deeply when people tricked venus flytraps into closing for their own amusement, even though it used up precious energy and could eventually lead the plants to die.
Kade had fallen in love with him all over again when Theo admitted that. He’d had to excuse himself and hide in the bathroom, silent-screaming and punching the air until he calmed down.
Kade tugged on Theo’s shirt. “New plan. Let’s do something fun. Even more fun than watching an old man talk about carnivorous plants for one-point-five hours.”
“Like what?” Theo said, pursing his lips in that specific bend that only happened when he thought Kade was about to make fun of him.
Kade was going to have to let him down.
“Remember when we watched Peter Pan?”
Theo blinked. Kade could almost see his mind work, trying to figure out what Kade was getting at. They both had crushes on Peter and Wendy as kids? Kade’s long rant about color theory?
Then it clicked. Theo smiled, and there was nothing forced about it.
Kade stood at the end of his bed, grinning. “Ready?”
Theo nodded. He was hovering near the ceiling above Kade, arms outstretched. Waiting for Kade.
Kade sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. “To Neverland!”
Then he leapt. For a moment there was nothing, just gravity. He sailed toward the ground?—
—then jerked, breath whooshing out of him as Theo grabbed the back of his shirt. He clenched his stomach muscles like Theo had told him. Then he held out his arms, wobbling. “Fly me around!”
“Bossy,” Theo said. But he was smiling when he glided around the room, Kade dangling below him.
Kade giggled. If only everyone at school could see him now: Kade “Monster” Renfield, renowned for snarling at teachers and crashing house parties, reduced to a giddy mess by a fulfilled childhood dream.
Sparky whined, scratching at the door.
“Sundance is on a walk, she’ll be back soon,” Theo called. “And she’ll be mad you ran away again!”
Sparky’s whines grew even more pathetic.
“You’re too hard on her,” Kade scolded, unable to keep the laugh out of his voice.
“You’re too soft,” Theo replied. He pulled Kade higher, cautiously winding his arms around Kade’s chest and embracing him from behind. They’d shoved gloves and scarves on before they started. Long sleeves, long pants, high socks: anything to protect Kade from Theo’s burning touch.
Kade twisted to press his cheek into Theo’s scarf, thinking about what Theo had said when Kade knotted it around his neck.
This will suck for you in the summer. As if he was sure they’d even be here for summer. If they didn’t stop the ritual, Theo would be alive—well, he’d be around— and Kade would be a pile of ashes.
“Careful,” Theo said as he pressed behind Kade, holding him afloat. “No more face burns.”
Kade rolled his eyes. “That was one time, and I was still half asleep. Excuse me for taking advantage of what I thought was a dream.”
Theo snorted. He’d shoved Kade away as soon as he realized what was happening, but it still ended up with Kade getting a burn on his nose that stung so much he cried while Theo healed him.
“Sounds like a good dream,” Theo said quietly.
“It was,” Kade replied. It had melted into the visions he’d been having of their past selves—longing glances and meetings by the lake, knowing looks shared across the street. Kade preferred those dreams. Much better than the confusing flashes of blood and fear and horrible, horrible pain. Kade still hadn’t seen how their story ended. But he could guess.
Kade twisted further in Theo’s arms. “Do you?—?”
He’d been about to ask whether Theo could dream, and whether he thought he’d get visions too. But then his forehead bumped into Theo’s cheek, and he cut his words off with a sharp yelp as his face burned.
“Shit,” Theo spat. He loosened his grip, almost dropping Kade before he let them both fall to the bed with a heavy thump.
Kade’s eyes watered. He yanked his scarf off, trying to tamp down the raging embarrassment. Stupid, stupid, stupid . Theo told him to be careful. They were having a nice night, and Kade had to go and screw it up.
“I’m fine,” he said, a traitorous tear slipping down his cheek. “It’s okay.”
“Shut up and let me heal you,” Theo said, ripping one glove off.
Kade squeezed his eyes shut. Theo touched his forehead, and the pain flared before ebbing away to a sting, and then finally to nothing.
Kade opened his eyes. “What do you think, doc? Will I live?”
“You’ll live,” Theo replied, watching Kade with that reserved guilt he always got after he burned Kade by accident. But there was something beyond the guilt that made Kade suspicious.
He raised a hand toward the spot Theo had healed. “What? What is it?”
Theo gestured at Kade’s forehead. “You, uh. You burned a streak into your eyebrow. Hair didn’t grow back.”
“What?” Kade launched off the bed and stumbled over to the full-length mirror he kept propped up next to the sewing machine. There was a jagged gap in his eyebrow, much like the scarred cartoon characters that Kade loved as a kid.
Kade whooped. “Holy shit! I should’ve thought of this ages ago. This is great, I look awesome . Am I scarier now?”
“You do look pretty badass,” Theo agreed. “But no. You don’t look scary. You look like Kade.”
Kade welled up. He’d never heard anybody say his name like that before: soft affection, deep reverence, incredible hunger. Like Theo had tasted him down to his marrow and still wanted more. Like Theo had seen him, blood and flesh and sinew, and thought his jagged mess was beautiful.
“I love you,” Kade said. His voice was high and squeaky and mortifying.
Theo blinked. “What?”’
“Shit,” Kade said, heart racing so loud Theo could definitely hear it. “Never mind.”
Theo shook his head, caught between disbelief and amusement and some third thing that was soft and tender and broke Kade’s heart a bit.
“I love you too,” Theo said. Rushed, easy. Like he’d been waiting for a while.
“Oh,” Kade said, sagging. “That’s…that’s fine then.”
Theo took a hesitant step closer. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Kade croaked. He scratched his healed forehead, stroking the new line in his eyebrow. “Just thinking.”
Theo waited. Sometimes he pushed, but the longer he knew Kade the more he’d cottoned onto the fact that Kade was physically incapable of stopping some things from coming out of his mouth, and if you gave him long enough it would spill over.
Kade sighed. “You know how in a story there’s, like, rising tension?—”
“Please don’t explain story structure to me again,” Theo said, a wary smile tugging at his mouth. “I know you really liked that Save The Cat book.”
“No, I mean…things get better before they get worse. A rise before the fall.” Kade tried to find a throughline to grab onto, something to form a straight line out of his whirling thoughts. He’d been mulling on this for months now. He needed to say it right.
“Theo, my life is pretty great right now. My grades are good, like actually good. I have friends. I’ve been drinking way less, I haven’t gotten into a fight in months. I have an amazing boyfriend, even if we can’t make out. This is the happiest I’ve ever been! And the happier I get, the more I—” He stopped. Tonight was supposed to be about them. Not about the dark fate dangling over their heads, waiting to come down and crush them. But maybe they couldn’t avoid it.
“I’m just not looking forward to the part where everything goes to shit,” he blurted. “And I should…I should really tell you…”
Theo was already shaking his head. “We’re gonna be fine. This isn’t a sad story.”
Kade scoffed wetly. “It was last time!”
“They weren’t us,” Theo argued. It was a constant point of friction between them: Kade thought they were new versions of two boys who died centuries ago, and Theo insisted that he was the only Theo and Kade was the only Kade. They weren’t copies of people who died generations ago. They were people , full stop.
“Everybody says I’m going to die,” Kade blurted, unable to stop it. “Even if you make it, I die. Either you kill me to stop the ritual, or you get forced into doing the ritual and that kills me?—”
“We’re going to get out of this,” Theo insisted. “Together. Okay?”
Kade didn’t believe. But he hoped.
“Okay,” he muttered.
Theo touched Kade’s cheek with the hand still wearing the glove. It was the yellow one, bobbly and terrible from Kade’s first attempt at knitting. Even after Kade knitted him new ones over the winter, those yellow monstrosities were still Theo’s favorite.
“Good,” Theo said quietly. “Now, what were you going to tell me?”
“What? Oh.” Kade chewed his chapped lips. He would wait, he decided. At least until they saw Milly next.
“Nothing,” he lied.