Page 7 of Something Tangled Something True (Rosa Ranch #1)

SINS PAID IN KIND

It’s been three days since I got home from my fishing trip to find Lola living on the ranch as if we were in high school all over again.

And just like back then, I can’t keep my mind right when she’s around. Just knowing she’s here, within walking distance, where I could finally wrap my arms around her and kiss the life out of her, has my heart threatening to explode in my chest.

She’s still the prettiest sight I’ve ever laid eyes on; time and distance has never changed that.

I’ve spent my entire life in what I consider the most beautiful place in the world.

I’ve been surrounded by wildflowers horticultural enthusiasts pay hundreds of dollars to get a glimpse of each year, sunsets that could rival the brightest rainbow in their intensity and complexity, and a sky full of bright, twinkly stars thanks to the low light pollution out this way.

And still, Lola Lima is so stunning, each of those dim to nothing more than a grayish hue in her presence.

With her parents both living on the ranch, it isn’t like we hadn’t spent almost every major holiday together until last year, when her fiancé refused to join us, again , and instead, demanded Lola spend the holidays with his family.

I have no reason to be this blinded by her beauty, but I am.

She usually just drops by like a bat out of hell, and just as soon, she’s gone again, leaving me yearning for more of her time and attention in any way I can have it.

I know I’m partially to blame for her absence, avoiding conversations with her out of respect for Lemmon and likely making her uncomfortable, even if it damn near killed me.

Part of me admits I never loved Lemmon the way I had Lola. I only stayed with her to keep me tied down so I wouldn’t do the same to Lola, fearing I’d chase after her and ruin everything she’d been working toward. And I realize how terrible a person that makes me. The thought eats me up inside.

Maybe I never deserved Lola either.

When Logan died, it gutted me, but more than that, it made me question everything I’d known about myself.

I’d quit playing football for good, something I’d been planning to do anyway, but without the physical outlet it had provided, I’d needed Lola by my side more than ever.

She’d just gone off to Dallas, living out her dream, and I was determined to keep her out so she wouldn’t come running back to pick up my broken pieces like I knew she would.

Whether it was by chance or not, I’m no longer sure, but Lemmon went to the same state college as I had, and having a familiar face to speak about Logan with was a comfort I desperately needed at the time.

It wasn’t until Lola returned home for winter break my senior year that she’d gotten to truly see how devastated I’d been, and overhearing me speaking with Lemmon about it was the nail in the coffin I hadn’t seen coming.

It wasn’t until Mayte verbally kicked my ass and literally beat me with her flip-flop after we’d eloped that I’d found out Lemmon had bullied Lola in our childhood.

I hadn’t realized just how bad her torment could be until I’d lived it.

I married her after years of an on-again, off-again relationship that was never meant to work out, sticking around through the gaslighting and manipulation that only worsened as my resolve to repair our relationship plummeted.

In the end, I finally chose myself for once, and it breaks my heart to know that Lola hadn’t been as happy as I’d hoped.

She was off to do bigger, better, more interesting things with her life than work on a ranch for the rest of forever.

I don’t think this is a bad life. Hell, I love this life.

But I’d be lyin’ if I said having Lola here wouldn’t make my days a million times better.

I’ve spent a decade paying for my sins with Lemmon, and I think it might be about time I quit begging myself for forgiveness and work toward earning Lola’s trust the way I always should have.

I just need to avoid crawling on my knees and begging her to stick around.

Surely that would have her up and out of here in a flash.