Page 31 of Something Tangled Something True (Rosa Ranch #1)
CAUGHT OFF GUARD
Lola’s lying beside me on the couch, her eyes closed and her breathing relaxed. I cover her with the throw blanket from the back of the couch and flip through channels.
I land on a local news station and sit back, propping my feet up on the coffee table.
They talk about a group of Girl Scouts who outperformed every other troop in the state, then about something going on in the school system, and I’ve officially lost interest. Instead, I sit beside Lola, watching her sleep, feeling like a total creep, but I can’t keep my eyes off her.
I wish I could curl up behind her and hold her in my arms.
Minutes that feel like hours pass, and when she rolls over, I’ve officially decided it's time to head to bed. I grab the remote, ready to turn off the TV, when a new headline pops up.
“Tonight, at Hidden Valley High, a student by the name of Wade Sansbury has been pronounced dead after being rushed to the hospital during tonight’s game. As you can see in the footage, the student was hit in a tackle that…” Her words are silenced by the rush of anxiety screaming in my blood.
It sounds like a whistle is being blown directly into my eardrums as I clench my eyes shut, warring with the sudden panic taking over my body. My lungs are tight, and no air seems to inflate them.
“Ry?” I hear faintly, but I can’t focus as I struggle to breathe.
“Ry?”
My hands are balled into fists at my sides as I rock back and forth, pleading with my brain not to take me there.
Please, God, don’t make me relive it.
Images of Logan flash in my mind.
That day, that awful fucking day that changed everything. The day that took my best friend from me.
My chest tightens, each breath coming slower, heavier, as if something’s pressing down on me.
My throat feels thick, like I’m swallowing around a boulder.
The weight on my chest is suffocating, and all I can think is that I just want it to end.
My jaw throbs from where I’m grinding my teeth, muscles tensed.
Soft warmth envelops me, pulling me out of the suffocating cloud of panic, its steady presence easing the tightness in my chest, calming the tremble that started deep inside.
“Ryder, hey,” the soft voice says, and I feel something wrap tightly around me. “Ry, fight whatever demon is raging in your mind, please .”
My body seems to fall with the heavy weight over me. My eyes burst open as I crash into the cushions.
A steady hand brushes my cheek, and finally , I take a deep breath when I see it’s Lola. She’s curled tightly around me, employing herself as my own personal weighted blanket.
“Hi,” she says, smiling softly at me. “You came back to me.”
She brushes a tear from the corner of my eye and continues rubbing the scruff along my jaw.
Worry plagues me.
“I’m sorry for scaring you, darlin’,” I tell her, my voice thick and my mouth dry.
“You didn’t scare me, Ry. You just had me worried for a minute.” She rests her head against my chest, remaining curled around my body as if she were a koala and I’m a piece of eucalyptus.
Several long minutes pass as I work to control my breathing, and when I’m finally able to breathe easily, Lola mumbles into my chest, “I didn’t know you had panic attacks.”
I run my hand up and down her spine, not wanting to have this conversation, but I’m determined not to hide things from her and desperate for her not to leave yet. “I haven’t for a long time, but there was a football player near here who…”
I can’t finish the sentence.
“It’s okay, Ry. I understand.”
“Thank you.” My voice breaks on a silent sob.
Exhaustion settles into my bones, and I let sleep drag me under.