Page 2

Smoke

“Fuck,” I growled when I dropped my design on the floor. Sighing, I bent down to pick it up. I was so fucking tired and my fatigue was the reason I was even more short-tempered than yesterday. Another nightmare had disrupted Ash’s sleep and I was growing more and more worried.

“You gotta put a dollar in the swear tub!” Eloise said.

Her ruffled panties peeked out the bottom of her dress as she bent over a large storage tote.

We’d started with a swear jar, then moved to a beach bucket before having to move to a large plastic tote.

We really did need to curb our potty mouths before the Littles bled us dry.

I opened my wallet and dropped a dollar in.

“Thank you,” she said, before pushing the tote to the next station. “Eloise?” I asked, calling her back into my area.

“Yes, Uncle Smoke?”

“Are you just pushing the tub around hoping to catch someone cursing?”

“Yes, Uncle Smoke,” she admitted without any shame.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it, she was too damn cute. The money from the swear jar was going toward a family vacation for all of us and I admired the Littles’ hustle.

“Well, make sure you check in with Auntie Kay. I heard she’s super grouchy today.”

“Okay!” she exclaimed before heading in the direction of Kay’s office.

“You’re almost as bad as they are,” Ash said from behind me.

Turning, I stared at her. She wasn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to be at Rolling in Dough. Where I’d left her. Safely. “Ash, did you walk here again?”

Flushing, she nodded. “It’s not right for you to leave work to come get me, Dawson, and we were slow, so they told me to clock out early.”

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I tried to breathe through my terror.

Six lanes of traffic. A thirty-five-minute walk.

A very tiny woman with very sensitive skin.

My imagination was flooded with images of dozens of things that could have happened to her.

“It is not safe for you to cross the fucking highway to get here, Ashley Emery. It’s not safe for your skin to be exposed to the sun that long, especially with almost no protection and it sure isn’t safe for you to fucking walk across town by yourself.

” It didn’t matter that her burns were a few years old, her skin would always be sensitive due to the trauma it experienced.

“Another dollar, please!” Eloise yelled, running back to the station and holding her hand out.

I pulled a fifty out of my wallet and handed it to her.

Her eyes grew comically wide. “Uh-oh.”

“I need to borrow Uncle Leland’s office. Watch for my next client, please,” I said, not bothering to wait for a response. I took Ash’s upper arm in my hand and started walking her toward the large office.

“Dawson, I am a grown woman. I can walk across the damn highway perfectly fine,” she argued.

“I draped my apron over my arm to protect the skin, my back was covered by my shirt, and I ket my hat on. I made it safely. You worry too much.” Her words only served to make my panic grow.

My body shook with the horror of knowing anything could have happened to her.

I needed her to understand how serious this was.

I led her into the office, then shut and locked the door behind me, before turning to her.

“I understand you’re a grown woman , Ashley Emery.

I am reminded every fucking time I look at you, but that doesn’t mean that I am going to allow you to do dangerous things that could kill you because you’re worried about being a damn inconvenience.

You are living under my roof and you will abide by my rules.

You will not be walking across town and across a very dangerous highway when you get off anymore, do you understand me?

It’s fucking stupid. You’re being fucking stupid!

” I said through my teeth. Desperation consumed me like a much too big wave and it felt like no matter how much I kicked and fought, I was never going to reach the surface again.

I needed her to understand how important her safety was.

“No, I do not fucking understand, you asshole,” she seethed right back at me.

I’d expected a tearful apology, not the fire and fight Ashley was giving me.

“Excuse me? What part wasn’t clear?”

“Fuck you, Dawson,” she spat. Her eyes were shining with unshed tears and her luscious lips were almost twisted in a snarl.

“I didn’t ask to come live with you, but you made it seem like you really genuinely wanted me here.

Moving wasn’t easy, but I did it, chasing some dream of having an actual family.

The last thing I need is another man who thinks that because he’s giving me something, I owe him something in return, even if that something is compliance.

Fuck you. I’ll be out of your house by tonight.

No matter what I do, or don’t do, depending on your rules, it doesn’t give you the right to talk to me like I’m less than you or like you’re disgusted with me. ”

She snatched her arm from me, and fumbled to unlock the door.

My anger was suddenly deflated and regret sank in my stomach like a rock in water.

“Ashley, I’m…”

“Save it,” she said, turning to glare at me. “Just fucking save it, Dawson. I don’t need this, I don’t deserve this.”

Pulling open the door, she stomped out of the office and down the hall. Anger was evident in every movement she made, but her anger, even as righteous as it was, didn’t muffle the quiet sobs that left her mouth once she was farther away from me.

What the fuck did I just do?

***

Ashley

My Little painfully flipped around in my heart as I packed our belongings into suitcases.

What about my toys?

“I’ve got them. All of your toys are in the pink suitcase, okay? All of your special items are already packed,” I promised her.

But we really love it here.

I knew we did, but I had gone almost my entire life feeling like I was never wanted.

My existence disgusted my mother, inconvenienced my father, and almost caused Dawson’s dad to kill me.

I refused to spend another day feeling like I was a bother to someone.

I also refused to live with someone who acted like I owed them something for their help. Love didn’t have strings attached.

“I know, baby. It’s going to be okay, we’ll find someplace else that you love just as much.”

Where are we going to go?

“Back to Alabama, baby.”

No! She’ll find us.

My mother. She would find us. We’d never have any peace as long as we were there, but at least I still had a home there.

I hadn’t sold my grandmother’s house yet, thankfully.

I guess we could stay there until it sold, and use the money to buy a house somewhere away from my crazy drug- seeking mother. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

“Ashley, can we talk?” Dawson asked, knocking on the frame of the open bedroom door. He sounded much less angry and much more unsure of himself. I was hoping he’d stay at work so I could leave without another confrontation.

“Don’t worry about it, Dawson. An Uber is coming in twenty minutes,” I said, not bothering to turn around.

I don’t want to leave.

My heart physically hurt. I’d worked so hard to keep my Little safe and I’d fucked it all up by chasing the dream of a family. How damn naive could I be?

“No, it’s not ending this way between us, Ashley. I fucked up, baby, and I’m so sorry. You don’t owe me anything. Ever. I’m sorry I made you feel like you do.”

Not bothering to answer, I kept packing. My heart and dreams were being torn to pieces and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“Ash, baby. We’re family…”

“Are we?” I asked, turning around to face him. “Because I’m pretty sure family doesn’t speak to each other the way you just spoke to me. I mean, I’ve never actually had one so I’m not sure, but I don’t think it speaks with disgust and ego.”

“Honey,” he said, stepping closer to me, “I fucked up. I was wrong in how I spoke to you and I’m so sorry I made you feel like I was disgusted with you. That wasn’t the emotion I was feeling at all.”

Swallowing my hurt, I asked, “What were you feeling?”

“Terror.”

“Terror?”

“Honey, you are the most important person in my life. The. Most. Important. I love you more than life and the thought of you getting hurt guts me. It makes me angry, and shaky, and scares me worse than any of the time I did in prison. Babygirl, I can’t lose you and when you do things that put yourself at risk… it just doesn’t sit well with me.”

“You were scared?”

“Ash, I was fucking terrified.”

I plopped down on the full bed in my room. “I thought you hated me.”

“Baby, no. Never,” he said, coming closer and kneeling in front of me.

“It’s so dangerous for you to walk to Daddies Ink when you get off of work.

I know Strickland is a safe town, but that doesn’t mean you are safe from injury.

Anything could happen in the half-hour it takes you to walk to the shop, not to mention the effects the harsh sun could have on your skin.

I’d never recover if anything happened to you, baby.

For years, you’re all I’ve had to live for and I’m not sure I could live without you. ”

His words brought fresh tears to my eyes.

I hadn’t believed him at first when he’d told me he was worried about me walking.

I just thought it was a nice thing he was saying.

I’d been more worried about him having to leave work and get me at the drop of a hat.

He was already doing so much for me. And he was right about my skin, since I’d been burned and because of all the skin grafts I’d received, my skin was extra sensitive to the sun… and, well, lots of other things too.

“I’m sorry, Dawson. I should have listened to you.”

He took my hands in his and lifted them to his mouth for a kiss. “I’m sorry too, baby.”

“I promise to call you the next time I get off early.”

“Thank you, baby, that makes me feel much better.”

“Maybe we could look into getting me a car?” I asked. My grandmother had left me more than enough to purchase a new car. I hadn’t needed one when we lived in Alabama, but Strickland was much smaller and there were not as many opportunities for public transport.

“We can definitely do that, baby. Maybe this weekend, yeah?”

“Okay.”

Can we stay?

“C-can I still stay?” I asked.

Dawson chuckled. “Honey, you’re not going anywhere. If you’d actually tried to leave tonight, I would have gone with you. You’re far too special to me.”

I smiled at him. I was still a little shaky and hurt, but I felt a lot better once he explained where he was coming from. It was easier to see it was from a place of love now that we’d talked.

“I am sorry for how I spoke to you, Ashley. I was reflecting on the drive home and you were absolutely right for calling me on my shit. Disrespectful words and unkind tones were exactly what was pouring out of my mouth and I’m so sorry. There were better ways to communicate what I was feeling.”

“I don’t like to feel like someone is disgusted with me,” I admitted, twisting my soft comforter in my hands. “You were talking through your teeth at me, and you called me stupid.”

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, sweet girl.

I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was disgusted.

I did say you were being stupid, but I meant in regard to your safety.

I was trying to say your choices were stupid.

I can also see how that would have hurt your feelings and I am so, so sorry.

That is an example of how I should have thought over my words better. ”

“It did hurt my feelings, but I accept your apology.”

“Thank you for communicating that with me. That was very brave.”

“I’m sorry I cursed at you and called you names.”

He stood and reached out, stroking my cheek. “It’s all forgiven, babygirl, though I’m sure Eloise will send you a bill for the swear tote.”

I laughed; she totally would.

“Cancel your Uber and stay here with me.”

Yay! We can stay!

Smiling at my Little’s excitement, I opened my phone and canceled the car.

Time to unpack.