Page 11

Smoke

“I’m not used to being on this side of the desk,” Jasper said, staring at me inquisitively. Four days had passed since I’d been shot and each day that I’d been able to spend with Ashley only confirmed I was making the right choice.

“Thank you for coming in,” I said, reciting the words I’d been practicing.

“You’re leaving the team, aren’t you?” he asked.

My heart had been slamming in my chest until he’d said those words. He didn’t seem shocked or even surprised.

“I am.”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I hate that I’m losing you, but I get it.”

“You do?” I asked, trying not to appear as surprised as I was.

“You found a reason to keep living. Truthfully, I thought I’d lose Blade the minute he claimed Eloise. I figure I’ll lose him soon. Bash too. I can’t fault you all for wanting something different— something less dark.”

“You’ve done so much for me. I am really grateful, Jasper. I don’t want you to leave this meeting not knowing that. You gave me a purpose when I felt like I didn’t have any.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You may be leaving the team, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. I’ll always be here if you need anything,” he said standing and holding out his hand.

I stood, ignoring his attempt at a handshake and walked around my desk. Surprising us both, I hugged him.

“We had a good run,” Jasper said, hugging me back.

“We did,” I agreed.

“I’m glad you’re going to have an even better future.”

“I’ll stay long enough to help you figure out who set us up,” I said. I hated to give him any more time, especially when it could put me in danger, but Jasper had been good to me and I felt like I at least owed him that.

“No, I know already. It’s been taken care of,” he said.

“You know who set us up?”

He nodded.

“Who the fuck was it?” I asked. My words were much sharper than I intended and I knew the anger bubbling in my belly would only cause more angry words to pour out of my mouth if I didn’t get control of it.

“It doesn’t matter, Smoke. They’re dead now. All of them.”

“It does fucking matter, Jasper! They tried to kill us.”

Tugging his long beard, he sighed and sat down. “My brother and some of his men.”

“Your brother?” I wasn’t surprised to hear that Jasper’s family had tried to kill us—I knew first hand how evil blood could treat you—but I was surprised to hear he had a brother. I’d been under the impression he had no family.

“Yeah. Look, I don’t want you to worry about it. He wasn’t bright. He managed to get his claws into someone that is and that person found me and managed to gain access to my system and your phones. The important thing is they’re all done and dead and you’re safe. Everyone is safe.”

“You killed your brother?” I asked, not judgmentally. I knew firsthand how easy it was to kill someone vile even when that someone was of blood relation.

“I did.”

“Are you okay?”

He snorted, “Only you’d ask if I was okay after I admit I killed my own fucking brother.”

“Are you, though?”

“All of this, the entire foundation for what I do, was because of my baby sister Kali. Our mom died when Kali was born and my dad always blamed her. He treated her like shit. I tried to protect her, but I couldn’t be everywhere, all of the time.

I got her out, thought I had her safe with relatives, but our dad’s sins ran deep.

He owed some really bad people a lot of money and they killed Kali as a promise of what was to come if he didn’t pay up.

She was sixteen when she was killed. I felt…

I still feel like my whole life ended at nineteen.

Dad valued his own life more than his damn blood’s.

She’d been tortured, so badly bruised I almost didn’t recognize her.

I found him, killed him. You think what you did to your dad was bad?

I danced in his blood as he lay dying. My brother, Desmond, never forgave me for killing Dad.

He didn’t see how evil he was. I hadn’t seen Desmond for almost fifteen years.

I guess that’s enough time to let a grudge grow big enough to take action on it. ”

“That’s a heavy weight to carry, Jasper. A lot of heavy weight.”

“I feel like it was all for nothing, though. No matter how many people I kill, I’m never going to bring Kali back. The last few weeks I realized I’m not really living either, but without this, I don’t know who I am,” he said, standing again.

“You know it’s never too late to discover who you are, Jasper.”

He grinned, but I could tell it was fake. His haunted eyes stared straight through me.

***

“Can I talk to you?” Kay asked, coming into my office.

“Yeah, shut the door behind you,” I said, closing my laptop and giving her my full attention. Judging by the look on her face, it was serious.

“I know it’s not my place to say anything, but I’m really worried, Smoke. I’m so worried I haven’t been able to sleep lately and I think maybe I’ll just feel better if I get it off my chest.”

Concern filled me. Had I done something to upset Kay? Had I caused her turmoil?

“You can talk to me about anything, Kay. You’re so dear to me,” I told her, trying to give her the encouragement she needed to continue.

To my horror, her eyes filled with tears and her lip trembled. “Kay, what is it?” I asked, standing and going to sit on the edge of my desk in front of her. I held a box of tissues out to her to take.

She took one before dabbing the corner of her eyes.

“I just think you all are making such a big mistake taking these jobs. I know you’re hurting and you’re trying to avenge the people who have been taken from you or get revenge on the people who hurt you, but the truth is nothing you do is ever going to bring them back or heal the pain of your pasts.

I’m so scared you’re going to cost yourself the happiness that those Little girls can bring you if you all keep going down this path,” she said before sobbing into the tissue.

“Kay, I’m so sorry we’ve been causing you so much distress.

You’re so special to us and I hate that I didn’t know how distraught you were.

You’re absolutely right, though. I’ve been feeling the same way for several days.

Carrying the weight of the anxiety I’ve given Ashley was eating at me and I talked to our boss today. I left the team, Kay.”

Big teary eyes looked up, locking onto mine. “You did?”

“I did,” I confirmed.

I reached out taking her hand, “But, Kay, thank you for being willing to do the hard thing and talk to me about how you were feeling. You’re a great friend.”

“I just want to see you live, Smoke. You’ve been more alive these last few weeks than I’ve ever seen you.”

“Thank you for doing the hard thing and talking to me, Kay,” I repeated.

She nodded, but her eyes still looked a bit haunted.

“I need to talk to Blade and Bash. I don’t think I’ll feel better until I speak to all of you.”

“Will you speak to them soon? I hate that this has been weighing you down.”

“Yes. I’ll talk to them as soon as I can. Do you think they’ll be upset with me?”

Reaching out, I took her hand. “I think they will be grateful to have such a good friend. How about we go together and talk to them?”

“Would you mind going with me? Would it be awkward for you?”

“No, you’re right. We aren’t living. I’ll gladly go with you,” I told her, only speaking the truth. It was time for a change—a change for more than just me.

“Sometimes it’s hard to give y’all advice without feeling like I’m nagging you. I just want you all to be happy.”

Shrugging, I said, “I think being a good friend requires a certain amount of nagging. Besides, one day you’ll fuck up and I’ll get the pleasure of being the one doing the nagging.”

***

Ashley

“Can you pass me the green crayon?” I asked Eloise.

She handed it to me and I thanked her.

“How’s your arm?” Allyson asked as she colored a tiger pink.

That was silly, tigers weren’t pink.

“Is lots better,” I answered instead. We were in my playroom. Daddy and Auntie Kay were having a meeting with Uncle Bash and Uncle Blade. I felt like it was pretty serious and my tummy flipped around. I hoped everything was okay.

“When can you go back to work? Lennon said she misses you,” Eloise said, coloring a puppy blue.

We need to help our friends learn their colors. They’re doing a terrible job.

I fought back a grin. My Little was a bit of a coloring snob.

“Daddy thinks it might be too hard for me to go back, so I told the shop I wouldn’t be returning.

They were really nice about it,” I said, shifting on the carpet.

The movement pulled my deliciously sore muscles.

Daddy had fucked me over the back of the couch before everyone came over and each pull and pain I felt as I moved made me feel even more loved.

I think I wanted him to fuck me before we went anywhere so I could always feel owned and adored.

“I think it would be hard too,” Allyson said.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t want to go back either. Are you sad, though? I know you really liked the job,” Eloise said.

“I was a bit sad, but I discovered while working there I really enjoyed decorating cakes and Daddy said we could look into finding some classes to grow my skills and maybe I’ll start making and selling specialty cakes.”

“I’d be happy to sample them all for you,” Eloise said, nodding.

I giggled.

“Yeah, we’ll try anything you make,” Allyson said. “But you should definitely make red velvet.”

“I’ll always share my cake with you, you guys don’t have to be sneaky with it.” I laughed.

They smiled and I found myself feeling even more thankful for them.

“What about your mom?” Eloise asked. Her lips were pressed in a thin line and I was touched that she was worried.

“She was on probation when she damaged the store property and attacked me. She didn’t tell her probation officer she was leaving the state and she violated an order of protection.

She headbutted the police officer that arrested her and broke his nose, so she was also charged with assault of an officer.

She had drugs on her too. Daddy talked to the police and they said she was probably going to take a deal to serve ten years. ”

“Ten years doesn’t seem like long enough,” Allyson said, frowning.

“That’s what I told Daddy, but he told me not to worry. He was pretty confident she wouldn’t bother me anymore. I don’t know what makes him feel that way, but I trust him.”

“Yeah, the Daddies usually aren’t wrong,” Eloise said.

“It’s very annoying,” Allyson added.

I shrugged. “I am so thankful Daddy’s been right about everything so far. Sometimes it is really hard to trust what he says, but he’s got an A+ on all his promises so far,” I said.

“My Daddy has been wrong one time before,” Eloise said.

“Oh yeah? ‘Bout what?”

“Bacon-wrapped asparagus is not delicious.”

I giggled. “Ew.”

“What do you think their meeting is about?” Eloise asked, changing the subject and looking worried again.

“My Daddy quit the team,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to share, but I didn’t like that she was so distraught.

Eloise looked up at me and then at Allyson.

“Do you think our Daddies are quitting?” Her voice was soft and her eyes shone with hope.

“I hope so,” Allyson said, tearing up.

I reached across the table and held both their hands. No words were needed as we sat in silence for a little bit. I knew how they were feeling and I hoped their Daddies could bring them the same peace mine had brought me. Nothing compared to knowing my Daddy would be safe.

A little over an hour later the Daddies walked into the playroom.

Eloise and Allyson stood and rushed into their arms. Uncle Bash and Uncle Blade picked them up and whispered something in their ears.

They both burst into loud sobs as they clung to their Daddies, like they were their only support at the moment.

“Are they okay, Daddy?” I asked my own Daddy once he’d lifted me in his arms.

“They are, babygirl. They’re moving onto the next chapter of their lives too.”

I was happy for them. We all deserved to feel secure and know our Daddies were safe. Wrapping my good arm around his neck, I kissed his mouth. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you too, babygirl.”

“Forever?”

“Forever,” he confirmed, and just like all of the other times, I believed him.