Page 28 of Slow Heat

Pater shifted uncomfortably. “Yes. The most effective abortifacient drugs are very poisonous. They do their job, destroying any fertilized eggs, but they take a toll on the system. Using them consecutively, as I have to, means the poison builds up, tearing down my immunity to other illnesses. It’s why your father is so protective of me.”

“But I thought taking those drugs for any reason was illegal?”

“I think we can agree that some laws are better broken. I’d have died long ago otherwise.” He touched Jason’s hair. “And I couldn’t have that. You needed me.”

“Father needed you, too.”

“Of course.” Pater’s lips turned up fondly. “He’ll always need me. But I’m not sure how long I’ll continue to be lucky enough to be here for him. My health deteriorates every heat.”

“Isn’t there a way to stop it? The heat, I mean?”

“The suppressants have stopped working as I’ve aged and worse, they now often have the side effect of rebound heat.” He shuddered. “And unfortunately, our government cares more about birthing children than it does about omega health. There’s a surgery that could remove my womb, but it’s much more difficult to obtain than the abortifacient drugs I take.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Besides, after all these years of heat and union with your father, I don’t know what it would be like not to have it anymore. Would our bond be the same? Would we still connect on the level we do now? It’s too risky.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. This is our burden and I’m only sorry that our pain causes you to suffer, too.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m all right.”

Pater drew Jason close, his arms circling him. “But you’re not. This is a scary time for you. I wish I was stronger and we could hash out everything now, so you wouldn’t be so afraid.”

“You can tell I’m afraid?”

“All alphas are, love. Your father was shaking in his boots when he imprinted on me. Well, once the wonder was over and we were sweaty and relieved. I know you don’t want to hear about that.”

“I really don’t.”

“But afterward, he realized how much control I had over him, and it terrified him.” Pater laughed. “I remember he wanted to know if I was a particular fan of pot roast—because he loathes pot roast and was afraid I’d demand it nightly.”

“Vale didn’t seem to expect my fear. He was surprised when I said I was scared.”

Pater tilted his head, his smile softening. “Well, of course. Alphas don’t go crowing it around to the unbonded masses, and while it’s mentioned at Mont Juror they don’t dwell on it. I’m sure his own fears have crowded out that information, too. But yes, imprinting is a helluva thing. Consuming, and the need to be near your omega is compulsive.”

“Will I wake up every day and want to go to him?”

“Don’t you want to go to him now?”

Beneath the alpha quell, he could feel it stirring. “Yeah.”

“Welcome to the rest of your life.” He felt Pater’s thin throat constrict with a silent laugh.

“Truly?”

“Yes. No matter what choices you make.”

“Even if I took a surrogate, I’d still want Vale?”

“We’re not talking about surrogates.”

It was clearly a sore spot and so Jason asked another question instead. “What was it like when you and Father first bonded?”

Casting back, Pater’s face brightened. “Wonderful. We were a good match from the beginning.” Then his eyes dulled again, as an unhappy memory pushed forward. “Before the failure of the first pregnancy, anyway, everything about our lives was beautiful. We were happy. Devoted. In love.”

“You still are.”

“Yes, but it’s different now. Won through hardship and loss. In the early days it was pure and sweet, full of wonder and optimism.” He laughed bitterly. “We had no idea how very wrong things could go. We were delirious.”

Jason knew it was a painful question, but he felt it was important to understand. “And after the first miscarriage?”