Page 116 of Slow Heat

“No.”

Vale’s breath shuddered hard, but he straightened his back and went on, “Jason, once you know everything, you won’t want me anymore.”

“That’s not true.” Jason’s stomach hurt and his knees shook.

“It is. And even if you tried to ignore what I tell you, pretend it doesn’t matter? Itwillmatter. It wouldn’t be long before you came to resent me and regret what I’d stolen from you.”

“I don’t care how many—”

“Stop talking now.”

Jason’s mouth clamped shut.

Vale stalked toward him. “I was twenty-one when they took me off the heat suppressants after I graduated Mont Juror. Two weeks later, I went into heat for the first time and I had no one.” Vale stopped a few feet in front of Jason, his eyes bright with anger. “It was excruciating. I begged my omega friend who sat with me to kill me. I screamed so long I lost my voice and then I still tried to scream some more. My body felt like it was on fire. Wave after wave of fire.”

Jason’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry. I should have been there for you.”

“You were a child,” Vale snapped. “Now listen to me.”

Jason swallowed hard and nodded, trying to hear over the rushing in his ears. His legs quivered.

“After that, I hired surrogates for several years. Never the same one. They were expensive and they were strangers and Ihatedhow I needed them. I loathed them.” Vale clenched his fists. “When each event was over, I never wanted to see them again, and I made sure I didn’t.”

Vale’s eyes dulled with painful memories. Jason wanted to say something to take away the hurt, to amputate his past, but he couldn’t. He kept quiet and let Vale talk.

“In my late twenties, I was a new professor at Mont Nessadare when I realized my heat would arrive during midterms. I decided to try the heat suppressants the government had recently approved for adult omegas. I knew for many they weren’t as effective as the strain they gave us at Mont Juror, but I had to try, for my career and for my students. It worked. My heat was delayed by almost a month, but then it came on hard.”

“Rebound?” Jason asked.

Vale shuddered. “Yosef and Rosen had to enlist the help of four alpha friends to get me through it. Do you understand how intense it was, Jason? Four alphas could barely satisfy me. I was so worn out after that I had to take additional time off from work to recover. It was a disaster.”

“Is that where you got the scar tissue?”

“No.” Vale went so pale Jason was afraid he was going to pass out. “That came a year later when I tried the heat suppressants again.”

The sun outside Jason’s window shifted behind a cloud, darkening the room into a cool shadow.

Vale went on, his expression lost and distant. “Yosef and Rosen had gifted me with a trip to the beach for my birthday. I knew the dates would run up against my heat, but I didn’t want to ruin their present.” Vale hiccupped a harsh laugh. “I thought surely the rebound wouldn’t be as bad as the time before, and I lined up a few alphas to help me out when I returned home.” He ran a hand over his beard, fingers shaking. “The suppressants held my heat off for a week and a half. The day before we were to return, it hit me full force. There was no warning, no lead-up, and I went out of my mind with pain. Yosef and Rosen took turns watching me, while the other would go out to seek an alpha for help. But they couldn’t find a decent one willing to help an unknown omega. They couldn’t keep watch over me all the time. Eventually, Rosen fell asleep and I ran. I was desperate for anything to quench my need, to put out the fire inside.”

Jason felt queasy. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. I was missing for three full days. I have no idea how many alphas had me or how many times. I remember there were fights over me. I remember I let whoever wanted to fuck me do so again and again. I think betas even had me. I just cried for them to move off and let an alpha back on top, because I needed their sizable cocks to stop the fire. The alphas laughed at me and used me horribly. I cursed them, but then I’d sob with relief when the next one mounted me. The alphas were rough. I didn’t care. I wanted it hard.”

“Please stop.”

“You need to know.”

“Just stop!”

Vale licked his lips and spoke quietly. “When it was over, I was pregnant. That was clear very quickly.”

Jason shook his head. “No, no, no.”

“Yes. I was carrying a baby. Whose? I had no idea. Of the unknown number of alphas who’d fucked me, one lucky gentleman’s sperm got to my egg and set off the chain reaction of cell division.”

“Wolf-god…”

“I admit I was terrified.” Vale’s voice was steady now, like he was speaking words someone else had set down for him. “I had no one to turn to. Both my parents were gone and I couldn’t risk telling many people. I’d lose my position at the university. Be ostracized. I had my inheritance, but how long would it last? And to what end?”