Page 37

Thirty-Seven

SUNNY

I’m up to three hundred sheep.

Ellie’s painting on the wall is starting to move, and it’s because every time I toss to my side, I stare at it, just hoping my eyes will droop, and I’ll eventually close them without picturing Rhodes’s deep, near-suffocating hot gaze that is forever stuck in my head.

I fling onto my back.

What a whirlwind of a night.

It started as an innocent birthday celebration and then turned into some therapy-like experiment that ended with my stomach in knots and my head tangled with fantasies that will never be real.

The way Rhodes grabbed me with possession yet still tender and merciful to the panic I was enduring is stuck in my head. It’s playing tricks on my body.

My fingers twitch to move between my legs. I slowly drag my hand over my curves and rest it along the waistband of my sleep shorts.

I can’t.

I can’t touch myself and picture Ellie’s father.

It goes against everything I’ve stood against since leaving Washington.

But Rhodes is different.

It says a lot about him that he isn’t knocking on my door or showing up in my bed in the middle of the night. He didn’t even intervene at the club until he could tell I was in distress.

I wonder how long he watched.

My teeth sink into my lip.

Why does it turn me on even more to think about him watching me?

You’d think I would be turned off by that, considering I’ve been watched in the past. But it’s a totally different situation, and it’s Rhodes. I feel safe with him…and maybe I feel something else too.

“Ugh.” I fling the covers off my legs and swing them around until my feet hit the cool floor.

Water. I need a cold glass of water.

Hopefully, it’ll wash away thoughts I’m having about my boss.

If it doesn’t, I’m just going to pour the water on my head and hope for the best.

On quiet feet, I tiptoe down the stairs and make my way to the kitchen. The house is quiet and calm.

And safe .

Ice clinks against my cup. I pour the water over the cubes and take a few sips. Every time Rhodes slips into my thoughts, I gulp another mouthful down.

I sigh.

This isn’t working.

I teeter back and forth on achy legs, refusing to acknowledge where the ache is actually coming from, and grab an ice cube from the glass.

A cool burn bites at my skin as I turn to rest against the counter. I close my eyes and drag the ice cube against my neck.

I exhale shakily. My hair slips behind my shoulders. Concentrating on the cooling sensation from the ice, I shift and move to the other side of my neck until I hear the clearing of a throat.

The deep, rumbly noise surprises me. My eyes spring open, and the ice cube slips. Except, it doesn’t land on the floor. Instead, it falls in between my cleavage, leaving a melted trail of water behind, all for Rhodes to see and gawk at with one eyebrow cocked.

“What are you doing?” I ask, panicking.

I quickly push off the counter ledge. There is no sense in trying to hide the whole ice-rubbing situation, so I don’t even try.

However, I will try to hide my shame.

“The better question is what are you doing?” Rhodes walks farther into the dark kitchen and places his palms face down onto the top of the island. I keep my eyes trained to his face instead of his bulging biceps peeking out from the sleeves of his T-shirt.

I quickly make something up. “I…I was hot.”

Technically, I was hot—but not in the way he’s likely thinking.

A line of confusion appears in between his eyes. I’m positive he can see right through me.

“You were hot?” he repeats.

I nod. “I couldn’t sleep, and I was hot.”

Silence fills the kitchen.

I gulp. He stares.

I’m beginning to think he can read my thoughts, which would probably result in losing my job.

I place my cup on the island. “What are you doing?”

Rhodes stands upright, stealing all of my attention. “I was thirsty.”

I’m mesmerized by his slow, long blinks. He casually walks around the edge of the island and rests his hip against the counter, mere feet away from me.

I gulp when his hand reaches out for my cup.

His long fingers wrap around the dewy glass, and then his lips wrap around the same edge that mine were on a second ago.

Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

Rhodes’s throat bobbing mesmerizes me.

My chest rises and falls too quickly. I can’t hide it.

I need to leave the kitchen.

Right now.

“You okay?”

I snap to attention and stare right at his mouth.

“I’m fine!” the lie squeaks out.

Rhodes’s head tilts with skepticism. “You sure, Sunshine? You look flushed.”

The glass gently clinks against the counter. He keeps his hand on it, but he’s staring at me with concern.

“I’m totally a-okay.” I fake a smile, and his forehead crinkles.

I take a step backward on shaky legs, and the concern in his eye climbs. “Did you drink too much?”

I laugh nervously. “I wish.”

Then maybe I wouldn’t be standing in his kitchen with a fire brewing in my stomach.

It’s so quiet in the house. It seems like the entire world is asleep, except for Rhodes and me.

My heart races, and my pulse thrums painfully fast.

Rhodes takes another step toward me, but this time, I don’t step away.

I tilt my chin the closer he gets, like I’m trying to prove a point.

To myself or him.

I’m not entirely sure yet.

He slowly raises the back of his hand. I stare up at him. My lips part with our close proximity. It’s not often that we’re this close. He is freshly showered with damp hair that smells spicy.

I inhale.

Then I stop breathing altogether when his knuckles gently brush my cheek.

My knees grow weak. I lean backward and try to shake myself out of the spell I’m under.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Rhodes winds his arm around my lower back to hold me upright. His fingers sweep against my hip, and I sway.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I don’t think you have a fever, but you’re warm to the touch.” He leans in closer, and those green eyes move back and forth between mine.

I can’t take it.

“I’m not okay!” I scramble away and push his hands in the process.

He lets go right away with a flexed jaw. I lean farther against the counter, putting distance between us.

“Is this because of earlier?” His voice is low and gravelly. It does nothing but make me sweat more.

“Yes!” I turn and put my back to him.

A few beats of silence are shared between us. I try to calm my racing heart and push away the thoughts that are zipping through my head. I search for the guilt that should come with the arousal I feel when I look at Rhodes, but it’s buried beneath several months of dormancy.

Without looking, I know he moves closer. His warmth brushes against my neck, and I inhale.

“There’s nothing wrong with what happened earlier. It was a normal reaction after what happened to you.”

If only he knew I was upstairs in bed, thinking about his hands on me.

“You aren’t going to be a born-again virgin, Sunny.” He chuckles, and that’s when I realize he has no idea that I’m acting this way because of him . Not because of my freak-out over Simon.

A sarcastic laugh leaves me. I turn and peer over my shoulder. He gazes at me, scrutinizing my behavior.

“You don’t get it.” I turn all the way around and press against the sharp edge of the counter.

How can someone make confusion look so hot?

His gaze roams my face, like he’s searching for an answer.

“I’m not acting this way because of Simon,” I say.

“Simon.” He says the name with disgust.

“I’m acting this way because of you . ”

Shit. Why did I admit that?

Each time my heart beats, it’s a punch to my chest.

His jaw flickers. He backs away immediately, and I hate the space I inevitably put there.

“Because of me?” He drops his arms in defeat and glances away. He’s probably too ashamed to look at me. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Sunny.”

“You’re sorry?”

Rhodes’s shoulders tense. He crosses his arms, and I can’t help but notice the veins appearing on his forearms. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just…” He clears his throat. “I wanted to help. I shouldn’t have touched you?—”

An abrupt laugh escapes me. I slap my hand over my mouth.

Rhodes stops mid-sentence and gawks at me. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No!” I throw my hands up and then cover my eyes. “I’m laughing because you have it completely twisted.”

He’s over to me in a flash. My heart drops when his large hand grips my wrist firmly, but at the same time, there’s a gentleness there too. He pulls my hand away and stares at me intensely. “How so?”

“Because…”

Don’t. Don’t say it.

His earlier warnings are nowhere to be found, and my reservations aren’t either. I know he fires nannies for this very thing, and yet, here I am, with an ache so intense I can’t not say it.

“I liked it when you touched me, Rhodes!”

One second passes without so much as a blink.

Then another.

And another.

I’m out of here.