Page 15 of Six for Gold (The Magpie Rhyme #6)

T wo magpies picked about in the dirt outside.

The smaller songbirds, always so flighty and easily spooked, knocked the feeders, sprinkling seeds from above.

Romeo watched, stony-faced from the kitchen window.

A sight that had once filled him with such joy, only made him itch.

He waited for the raven to interrupt the harmony outside and cause chaos, but it didn’t make an appearance.

That should’ve been a relief, but it put Romeo on edge.

He didn’t believe the raven had gone, it merely waited somewhere in the shadows.

“Where the hell are you?” he murmured, beneath his breath.

He shook his head. The small birds took flight, and the magpies went with them.

When Romeo was seven years old, a pair of magpies lived in an oak tree in his garden. They made their nest together and Romeo had climbed up the tree intent on destroying the home for reasons he didn’t know but instead squeezed the life from every egg the pair had made.

He didn’t know why he did it, but he knew it felt good.

The magpies watched him do it from the roof.

They saw what a monstrous boy he was, and yet the next year, they rebuilt their nest in the exact same spot.

And the year after that.

And the one after that.

For seven years, the same thing happened until Romeo found the magpie in the garden, injured, and weak, its mate nowhere in sight. He kept it in a box in the shed, and it cawed, and screeched, but its mate never came back.

It was alone, and after a few days it accepted its fate.

Romeo had never given much thought to the other magpie, he was too invested in the injured one, but he stood at the kitchen sink, frowning at his empty mug, wondering about the other magpie.

It could’ve been killed, but there had been no dead magpie outside or scatter of feathers like something had attacked it. No, it was far more likely that magpie upon seeing his injured mate had abandoned it and flown somewhere new.

Birds were like that—they left behind the sick or injured.

All Romeo knew was there was one magpie in his garden when there had once been two, and it had the bad fortune to have been found by him.

Romeo’s gaze was drawn to a drawer in the kitchen.

He tilted his head, staring at it before he gave in and opened it.

The drawer had all sorts of random bits, pens, screws, wires. It was the same drawer Chad had hidden the leaflet about Mercutio.

Romeo picked out the box of temazepam.

He pulled out the pack, and pushed his forefinger into the empty blisters, one after the other.

Chad had taken four.

Just four.

Why four?

Romeo frowned at the empty spaces.

Did he take them the last four days they were away, or did he take them at the beginning and not like the side effects?

He’d been ill.

Confused, dizzy, unsteady on his feet.

Not a cold like Chad had led him to believe, but symptoms of the medication.

Romeo dropped the box on the side and tugged his phone free of his jeans.

He typed in side effects for the medication but with an extra word.

Rare side effects.

The one in a hundred thousand side effects.

The side effects people ignored because they never thought they’d fall victim to them.

Romeo exhaled a slow breath, shutting his eyes.

It was the first one that came up.

Suicidal thoughts.

“Fuck.” He scrubbed his face with his hands, breathing out a tired sigh against his palms. His gut sank in his body, pulling him down.

A prickle of awareness rushed down his spine, and he turned, locking eyes with the painting on the wall. It was his own painting, but it was as if his mother watched him.

Romeo’s dad had asked him to paint the starry-eyed lovers for their twentieth wedding anniversary. They’d met while both performing in Romeo and Juliet, neither the star, they had minor roles, but that was where they fell in love.

That was why they chose the name Romeo.

His parents had loved each other.

Romeo had never seen them row.

He certainly had never seen one threaten to kill the other.

When one was ill, the other took care of them.

And illnesses weren’t always of the body, they could be of the mind too.

They could be sudden, completely unexpected, and punch a hole through the norm.

Unconditional love meant love regardless.

Chad loved him despite his inclination.

He loved Romeo despite the monster that currently wanted him dead.

Romeo dropped the medication in the drawer, then called out for Chad.

His heart thumped in the silence. He hurried, checking each room before slipping on his shoes to try the outhouse.

He froze when he found Chad outside.

Romeo kept his distance, not wanting to interrupt what he knew was an important moment.

Chad crouched on the ground.

His breaths came quick and shallow as he lay a hand to the dirt.

Lucinda had fallen there.

If Romeo could keep a memory from Chad, it would be that one. He’d go further, and forbid Chad’s mind from remembering anything about Vincent Whitehall and all that happened after Chad met him.

“This is where I killed her.”

“Yes.” Romeo said softly.

“I killed her.”

“You did it to protect me. To protect us.”

“I remember...” Chad bit his lip, “You wanted me to kill someone. You liked the idea of it—”

“Never like that...” Romeo shook his head. “I never wanted you to be in that position. I wish I did it, not you.”

“She had a family. Sons. Grandchildren.”

“Most people have a family. Everyone I’ve killed has had a family.”

Chad squeezed his eyes shut. “Don’t you feel ... guilty?”

“I don’t—”

“I didn’t mean for the ones you’ve killed, but the ones that are left behind.”

“Guilt. I don’t think it’s an emotion I possess, or at least not in the way it affects you.”

“Do you want me to describe what it feels like to you?”

Romeo hesitated. His tongue twitched with the desire to reply there was no point, he’d never understand guilt, but he and Chad hadn’t discussed his feelings about Lucinda in any detail. Romeo had left Josh and Ally with that responsibility, and he regretted not trying to understand himself.

Chad swallowed. “It’s a helpless feeling. I feel helpless and ashamed. My actions took a loved one away from her family, and I can’t give her back. I’ve put a permanent scar on that family, and I can’t do anything to put right that wrong.”

“The alternative was losing all this.” Romeo glanced at the house. “Losing me. Losing us. When you apply that to the scales of wrong and right does it change things?”

Chad didn’t answer.

“I’ve always known I’m wrong . In the way I think, and feel, and react. I hated being different. But from that first life I took I realized everyone else’s wrong, is my right. It’s all a matter of perspective. Mine is just different to a normal person’s. But I equally deserve to be alive and live the way I was supposed to.”

“Am I a normal person?”

“No.” Romeo snorted. “You’re far too complex to be considered normal, but you’ve always strived to do the right thing in other people’s eyes. You’ve always been desperate to prove your worth but it’s never led you to happiness.”

Chad bowed his head.

“You’re happy with me. I’m wrong to some, I’m evil and monstrous, but I’m your right. You made a choice that day.”

“I know.”

“Do you now regret it?”

“Never.” Chad said, looking at Romeo.

“It was the right choice. The only one you could live with.”

Chad nodded.

“Then this thing you call guilt, this helplessness and shame, you’ve got to let it go, Chad. Vincent has poisoned your life like he said he would, but you’ve got the antidote. Let Lucinda go. Let everybody go. They’ve taken far too much of your time already.”

Chad pushed to his feet. He nodded somberly, backing away from where Lucinda had fallen.

Romeo didn’t move as Chad headed in his direction. He stiffened when Chad stopped beside him, gaze locked on the sleeve of Romeo’s t-shirt.

“Can I?” Chad whispered.

Romeo didn’t quite know what he was asking for but nodded to the request.

There was a shaky inhale from Chad, then he reached for the short sleeve, folding it up until the fabric bunched on top of Romeo’s shoulder. Three silver lines shone in his skin. They dipped, pressing into his muscles, the remnants of the shotgun blast that had been meant for Chad’s head. Lucinda was no longer there, the field had soaked up the blood, but Romeo’s body still had evidence of that day.

Chad stroked his thumb against the biggest scar as he bit his lip to the point it bled. Romeo resisted the urge to cup his cheek and force his lip from the pinch of his teeth.

“You saved me.”

Romeo pressed his lips in a grim line. That day, he’d saved Chad, but for the past week he’d been trying his hardest not to kill him.

Chad slumped and rested his cheek to Romeo’s bicep. He hugged Romeo’s arm to him, releasing a shuddering breath. When he exhaled, Romeo felt his warm breath against his skin, and then a single kiss with chapped lips. Romeo’s eyes fluttered at the sensation, and he closed them, allowing himself a moment of peace, but all too soon Chad let go, and continued towards the kitchen door without glancing back.

Romeo rocked forward on his feet, heart racing as his bicep began to cool from Chad’s touch. It was too brief a moment, too small a respite. He clutched his arm, attempting to keep the warmth of Chad for as long as possible but it faded, and he jolted at the sound of the back door clicking shut.

He looked towards the outhouse, the usual place he’d retreat to when his emotions got too confusing, but instead, he turned in the direction Chad had gone and followed him into the kitchen.

Chad stood at the sink drying his hands on a tea towel. The kitchen smelled of soap and the sink gurgled from the draining water.

“Romeo?”

Romeo stopped in front of him. “Kiss me again.”

Chad blinked. His lips popped open like he didn’t quite understand what was being asked of him.

“Kiss me again.” Romeo repeated.

Chad’s eyes roamed, jumping from Romeo’s arm to his cheek, to his lips. “W-where?”

And maybe if Romeo wasn’t so single minded, he would’ve found Chad’s response amusing, but instead of a teasing comment or a twitch of a smug smile, he blurted in a broken voice, “ Anywhere .”

“Why?”

“I just need you to.”

Chad gripped the counter behind himself while lifting onto his tiptoes. He pressed his lips to Romeo’s cheek, then his jaw, then his throat.

Romeo balled his hands into fists and closed his eyes.

He smelled like Chad. He used the same shampoo, and bodywash, their shampoo and body wash. Chad’s lips were slightly rough when they skimmed Romeo’s skin. He felt like Chad when Romeo pressed him against the counter, same firmness and height, and heat.

“I’ve missed you,” Romeo murmured, “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

Chad stopped kissing him. He wouldn’t look Romeo in the eye. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Romeo, I—”

“No,” Romeo interrupted.

Romeo cupped Chad’s jaw. There was fear in Chad’s brown eyes, apprehension, but he still looked at Romeo the same way he always had. Romeo’s fingers twitched against Chad’s skin, digging in harder.

“I’m sorry—”

Chad tried to shake his head, but Romeo held him still.

“I haven’t handled any of this the way I should have. I haven’t known how to handle it. You...” Romeo shut his eyes. “You’re my everything, but I had to accept I couldn’t be everything for you, that there’s certain parts of me lacking—”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. If you asked me three months ago what’s the worst thing I could imagine, I would’ve answered losing you. Someone taking you from me, but in my head it’s an impossibility, no one is ever going to take you from me and whoever would be foolish enough to try,” he snorted, “well, I bet you can guess what I would’ve done to them.”

“I think I have an idea.”

“I never thought you’d be the one to take yourself from me.”

“Romeo—”

“Wait.” He pressed his thumb to Chad’s mouth. “And it hurt, more than I’ve ever been hurt. I hated you for that. I hated you for every lie that came from your lips about how you loved me, how we’d be together, even at the end we’d be together, but it doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t?”

“You killed Lucinda for me. For us. You said goodbye to the detective. You made that choice. I don’t believe you could go from choosing me over everything to leaving me behind. There must’ve been something else going on. Something you couldn’t control.”

“What do you mean?”

Romeo opened his eyes. “Those sleeping pills.”

Chad glanced to the unopened box on the side. “What about them?”

“You took them. Only four, but they made you ill. They made you unsteady and confused so I looked up the rarer side effects on my phone. They can make you suicidal. I think they fucked with your head.”

Chad swallowed. “You think those pills are the reason I-I—”

“Yes. Don’t you?”

“I’ve not even thought about it until now.”

“You weren’t well when we were away. You told me it was a bug you’d picked up from Ally, but there were moments where you looked lost, where you were restless, where it was clear you were distracted. I think that was part of it, a reaction to whatever is in them.”

A deep frown settled on Chad’s face. “Maybe...”

“Maybe? This makes sense, Chad. It explains why it came from nowhere. You weren’t feeling suicidal before them, because you would’ve told me, right?”

“Right,” Chad whispered, lowering his gaze.

“You haven’t been taking them since you were in hospital and you’re not feeling suicidal right now?”

“No, but—”

“It was those pills” Romeo breathed. “And I’ve been punishing you the whole time for something that wasn’t your fault, something you couldn’t control. They almost took you from me,” He blinked, letting the words settle in his chest.

He’d almost lost Chad.

“You ... you died.” Romeo murmured. “Your heart ... it stopped.”

Chad glanced down at his chest. “It did.”

“But you came back.”

Chad nodded. “Yes. I didn’t have much to do with that, it was—”

“You came back,” Romeo repeated.

There had been confusion, then worry, then anger, so much anger, and then this... Romeo didn’t know how to categorize it. Chad had died, maybe only for a few minutes, but he’d been gone.

“I’m still here,” Chad said softly. “I’m still ... yours. If you want me.”

“What do you remember?”

Chad lowered his gaze. “I don’t remember that day—”

“I’m not asking about that day. I’m asking about everything else.”

“I remember the barn,” Chad flicked his eyes up to meet Romeo. “I remember the magpie. I remember Marc Wilson, and Holly Stevenson and Dr Carter. I remember the compromise. I remember crossword puzzles and bad dad jokes, and great food. But I don’t remember how much I love you.”

The last sentence landed like a punch. Romeo didn’t say anything. He couldn’t say anything, and Chad continued.

“I’ve never needed to remember that. It’s something I know. It’s in here,” he touched his chest, “solid and true. Even if it terrifies me.”

“Why does it?”

“At first, because of who you are. Romeo Knight. The Countdown Killer. I’m in love with him, but then it was because you were Romeo, my Romeo, and you were angry, and I could see the hate in your eyes. I felt how much you wanted to kill me. And now, I’m terrified you won’t believe me when I tell you I love you. I’m terrified that if you ever say it to me again, I’ll hear the lie in your voice. I’m terrified I’ve ruined it all, I’ve ruined us.”

“No,” Romeo pressed his forehead to Chad’s. “You haven’t. it wasn’t your fault—”

“But it might have been. We don’t know for sure. We might never know.”

“I know it wasn’t,” Romeo replied firmly. “Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“That you love me.”

Romeo leaned away to get a good look at Chad. Chad’s eyes were wet, and he bit down on his lip to stop it shaking.

“I ... love you.”

Chad’s voice cracked. His eyes spilled tears, but he didn’t look away, he let Romeo see past the sadness. It was there in his gaze, in the way he shivered and paled at the thought Romeo might not believe him.

Romeo heard Chad’s quickening breaths and felt his racing heart.

“And I love you.”

Chad flinched, tearing his gaze away.

“No,” Romeo said sternly. “Don’t do that. You look at me,” he squeezed Chad’s chin until Chad did just that. “You look at me when I say it so there can be no mistake. I love you, Chad. I’ve never loved anyone or anything before you, and there will be nothing after you, and I’m sorry—”

“You don’t need to be sorry.”

“Yes, I do. For doubting us.”

“But Romeo—”

“Shut up,” he replied softly, leaning down to bring his mouth to Chad’s. “I don’t want to waste another second not kissing you.”

Chad pulled his mouth away, but Romeo chased him until Chad groaned and pressed back. His lips parted for a deeper kiss.

Romeo pressed his tongue inside Chad’s heat, groaning into it.

He tasted like Chad. He kissed like Chad. He moaned like him when Romeo slid his hand down to his throat and gave him a brief squeeze.

Because he was Chad, and Romeo had been stupid enough to push him away.

“It’s me that’s sorry.” Chad whispered against his lips.

Romeo shook his head and gave Chad a stern glare before kissing him again.

He licked. He sucked. He mauled. Chad shivered and shuddered, accepting whatever Romeo did to him. Chad’s breath caught when Romeo slid a hand under his t-shirt, stroking over the scars that were hidden to his eyes, but he knew by touch alone. He dragged his thumb nail over the extra sensitive three and Chad jerked, sliding his mouth against Romeo’s, smearing their spit and breaking their kiss.

“Fuck, Romeo,” Chad panted.

Romeo raised an eyebrow. “Did you forget how sensitive you were there?”

“I’ll admit there’s gaps in my memory when it comes to ... this,” he heaved for breath, looking Romeo up and down. “It’s kind of overwhelming.”

“What is?”

“You.” Chad licked his lips. “Your ... body. Your smell, your taste, even your goddamn voice,” he shivered. “It’s a lot.”

“Will it make you feel better to know I’m feeling the same right now? Overwhelmed by you. It’s been so long since I’ve got to touch you, since I’ve felt anything but anger.”

“I guess...” Chad swallowed. “That means we should take things slow.”

“Yeah,” Romeo agreed, “But we’re not going to. In fact, I think we’re going to take things rather quickly.”

Chad smiled. “I’m okay with that.”

“Good.”