Page 10 of Six for Gold (The Magpie Rhyme #6)

I t took what felt like a day for the rage to settle in Romeo’s system. Every time he started to calm, he thought of Chad’s small smile and his almost coaxing voice.

Maybe you didn’t know me as well as you thought you did.

The anger blew up inside him.

He’d wanted to yell down that accusation, punish Chad for even suggesting it, but it rang true.

He hadn’t known about the sleeping pills in the car.

And he hadn’t even imagined Chad had been contemplating suicide.

Except he hadn’t just contemplated it.

He’d made an attempt, and it was only due to a witness that Chad was still alive.

Romeo wondered whether that was a cruelty within itself. If Josh had just told him over the phone Chad had died, he might have hurried to join him without getting his heart broken first. He shook his head. If Josh had told him that, he would’ve needed proof. He would’ve marched into that hospital not caring who saw him to see Chad’s cold lax body for himself. That would’ve broken his heart, too, regardless of whether it was Chad’s choice or not. His dead body would’ve destroyed Romeo, but this break to his heart he had to live with.

He wasn’t one for emotion, understanding or feeling them, but Chad had made him feel. He’d made Romeo love, and care, and he’d put Chad before the monstrous part of himself, pushing and squeezing his dark need to fit within the parameters he’d set because Chad meant everything to him.

But Chad had betrayed him. He’d betrayed Romeo’s love.

Chad was a liar, a god damn liar, and Romeo wanted to rip his throat out.

The number one emotion that came with that betrayal was fury. It itched his skin, and bubbled in his brain, drowning out everything else until one thought, one desire flashed in his head.

He wanted to kill Chad.

He, not just the monster, wanted to wrap his hand around his throat and he knew that would kill the last part of himself that belong to Chad, too, then it would be just him and the monster like it had been since he was a child.

A lonely, unhappy child with a need to kill.

But wasn’t that better than existing with a broken heart?

Knuckles tapped against the door. Romeo stiffened, wondering why Chad was even bothering to warn him he was about to come inside.

Romeo leaned against the backrest of the leg press with his gaze fixed to the door.

Chad stepped into the outhouse, and upon seeing Romeo’s glare, quickly looked away. In his hands he held a duvet, and he tossed it over. It unrolled enough for Romeo to see the pillow inside.

Chad disappeared again before returning with a washing up bowl. He slid it across the floor, but Romeo didn’t glance at it as it clanged against the equipment.

Chad bit his lip, then disappeared through the open door again. He took longer, and Romeo stared outside, taking in the dark sky. He knew from the temperature drop inside the outhouse it was nighttime again, but Chad had taken his watch from him when he was unconscious.

Chad returned ten minutes later holding a tray. Romeo’s nose twitched, and his stomach whined at the tease of food. Chad crouched as he set the tray down on the floor, sliding it close enough for Romeo to get if he wished to.

Romeo didn’t move. He kept up his glare, hoping it was enough to send Chad scuttling through the door.

“It’s beans on toast,” Chad said instead, avoiding Romeo’s eyes. “That’s about all I’m capable of.”

There were a few dishes Chad could do, but he didn’t have a passion for cooking and often got distracted when he tried. Romeo had struggled through more than one questionable meal made by Chad’s hands.

Beans on toast, though, as Chad rightly said, were difficult to get wrong, and Romeo felt like he hadn’t eaten in a week let alone a day. He pushed to his feet, and there was a twitch of a smile from Chad’s lips. Romeo strolled over to the tray, swung his leg and kicked.

The tray, plate and cutlery went everywhere. Beans splattered the floor and the shards of porcelain skidded across the concrete, knocking into the side of the outhouse.

Chad winced and curled away from him.

Romeo’s insides twisted into a knot at such a reaction.

He didn’t like it, even knowing this wasn’t his Chad—this Chad had smiled and said those damning words—he still had his Chad’s face and watching it tighten with fear wasn’t pleasant in the slightest.

Chad had not looked at him like that for the longest time. In fact, the trust Chad exhibited towards him sometimes made Romeo edgy.

Chad trusted Romeo more than Romeo trusted himself.

Or he had.

“I...”

“Get out.” Romeo growled, turning his back on Chad once again. He listened, but Chad didn’t move.

“Maybe I could’ve handled things better yesterday.”

“Yesterday when you told me my Chad tried to kill himself...”

“Your Chad?”

Romeo flashed a glance over his shoulder. “You’re not him.”

“I am—”

“You’re not. You’re what’s left behind.”

Chad took a deep breath. “I am him, Romeo.”

“Not in my eyes, and I don’t have anything to say to you .”

He hoped that was enough to get this Chad to go, but again, he stayed.

“And if ... your Chad was here, would you have something to say to him?”

He wouldn’t say anything, he’d scream and holler, beg, and demand, and it would all be the same question.

Romeo nodded. “Why... I’d ask him why ?”

“From what Ally and Josh told me, Keeley, too ... I was struggling. I was barely sleeping, plagued by nightmares—”

“I know Chad had nightmares,” Romeo snapped. “I was lying next to him when he did. He said he heard voices, his tormentors, but he couldn’t recall what they were saying. I held him after every one.”

“You held me after every one.”

“No!” Romeo bellowed. “Not you.”

“Fine.” Chad shuffled uncomfortably. “From what I’ve learned, your Chad had a lot going on. A lot that might explain why he made that decision that day.”

“He didn’t call me, or send a message, or leave me a damn note,” Romeo lashed out at the rowing machine with his good hand. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do, leave a note.”

“Not everybody leaves a note. Keeley said she was concerned about me at my last session.”

“Then she could’ve stopped it!”

“I didn’t outright tell her of my intentions, she just felt something was off about me, something was different.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Chad?” Romeo twisted around to look at him. “If you’re really him, then tell me, why didn’t you tell me? I thought you were happy—”

“How could I have been happy with all the shit going on—”

“Happy with me. I told you things would be okay. You kissed me like you believed it.”

Chad looked away. “I don’t remember that.”

“You lied to me. Why didn’t you just tell me how close you were? If I’d had known I would’ve...”

“Would’ve what?”

“Taken you away from here,” Romeo swallowed. “For longer. For good.”

Chad touched his temple. “It might not have helped what was going on in here.” He lowered his hand. “Would a note really have helped?”

Romeo thought about it. “No. I still would’ve been angry, and angry at myself.”

“For not knowing what I was planning?”

“No. For letting myself fall for my Chad in the first place.”

“Falling isn’t a conscious decision. If it was, it would be jumping.”

Romeo snorted bitterly.

“You can’t blame yourself for falling,” Chad whispered. “Same way I can’t. No matter how much I want to run from it, I can’t.”

“Maybe so, but there was a time where I could’ve grabbed something on the way down, pulled myself clear,” he smirked. “I could’ve killed you and this,” he gestured to the outhouse, “would not be happening.”

“Maybe that would’ve been best for both of us, but fate has other plans.”

“Fate...” Romeo narrowed his eyes, studying Chad. “I’ve got a question for you.”

“I thought you had nothing to say to me .”

“Well, I do. Why keep me? Why are you not freaking out? Calling the police?”

Chad’s eyes tracked back and forth over empty space. “When I knew you were out there, but didn’t know where, that made me anxious, but now I know exactly where you are I feel calmer.”

“That makes no sense. I’m dangerous. Especially to you right now.”

“I know,” Chad shrugged. “But it doesn’t make it less true. I feel ... content now you’re here ... like this...”

Romeo flared his nostrils. “Chained up you mean.”

Chad winced. “I prefer to think of it as under control. I don’t want anyone to know I have you because they’ll take you away.”

“Why do you want to keep me?”

“Because ... I need your help,” Chad whispered.

“My help?” Romeo tipped his head back and let out a savage laugh. “Too late.”

Chad continued like Romeo hadn’t spoken.

“There’s the Chad the press and public say I am, the monster, then there’s the Chad Ally, Josh and Keeley say I am, the good man. But something is missing, a secret Chad that I think only you know.”

“My Chad.”

Chad rolled his eyes. “The pieces of me that you refer to as your Chad, and I want answers too. I also want to know why .”

“You said it yourself—you had a lot going on, you were struggling.”

“That’s what they told me. They are upset I did what I did, but none of them are surprised. It was as if they’d been expecting it, and they act ... like I let them down, like I disappointed them.”

“You did.”

Chad flinched. “My ... my doctor told me memory is a fragile thing, but the brain is remarkable at healing itself. He warned I might not get everything back and what I do remember won’t be linear, it be will flashes, moments, smells, sounds, feelings. I can’t remember that day, but since I saw you over that fence, there’s been glimpses of us.”

“What kind of glimpses?”

“At first, they were terrifying. I saw your eyes ablaze. I felt your hand around my throat, I felt fear, panic, but the snapshots that followed were confusing. I dream of your lips and hands, and your name spoken by me, not in fear, but awed, overwhelmed. I catch smiles when I close my eyes, the sound of your laugh in other people’s. It’s you, and it’s terrifying because it’s you . I’m not comfortable with that, but I want to remember what we were and remember the reason or reasons why I chose to turn my back on us.”

“My Chad is a liar,” Romeo snapped, but it tugged at his wounded heart just saying it, “He kept things from me, and he broke his promise.”

“What promise?”

“When the time came, we would leave this world together. He promised me that, and I stupidly believed him.”

“I’m still your Chad.”

“You’re not. The second you decided to take yourself from me, you stopped being mine.”

“He’s coming back, Romeo, day by day. He is, I am, we are, however you choose to think of it, are coming back to you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Romeo looked away. “I don’t want you—him— whatever anymore.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“The only thing that will take away even a sliver of this fury I feel for that broken promise, is watching your face turn blue as I strangle you to death.”

“You don’t mean—”

“I do. You’ve got a lot to remember if you don’t believe that. I want to kill you. It’ll be the highlight of my fucking life.”

Chad turned on his heels and left. Romeo closed his eyes and exhaled a long breath to the ceiling. He slumped when Chad returned only five minutes later with a bundled-up duvet in his arms.

Romeo cocked his head, then looked pointedly at the duvet at his feet, but Chad sat on the floor. He dropped his head on a pillow and pulled the other duvet over himself as he lay down.

“What the hell are you doing?” Romeo asked.

“What does it look like?”

Romeo narrowed his eyes. “It’s concrete.”

Chad shot him a clueless look.

“It’s cold, and it’s hard.” Romeo explained.

“I’ll be fine.” Chad yawned into the back of his hand. He snuggled the side of his face into his pillow and Romeo’s insides flipped at that very Chad action. On more than one occasion, Romeo had asked Chad whether he was searching for truffles inside his pillowcase.

“I don’t want you in here.”

“Tough,” Chad replied. “Goodnight, Romeo.”

Romeo sat down on the bench press, pulled the duvet over his lap, and propped the pillow behind his head. He watched Chad for what felt like hours, wondering whether he was faking sleep, but his expression had relaxed, and his lips were slightly parted as he took slow, deep breaths.

He looked peaceful.

Beautiful.

Romeo’s chest ached so fiercely his breathing stuttered.

Fate was a cruel mistress, but not as cruel as Chad himself.

It wasn’t fate that had broken his heart.

“Why?” Romeo whispered. “Why did you do it?”

He didn’t get an answer. He doubted he ever would.

“Did you even think about me? Did you not realize how much that would hurt me or did you just not care?”

Nothing.

Romeo squeezed his eyes shut.

****

I t wasn’t a satisfying sleep.

The lights were bright.

The bench seat was uncomfortable.

The pillow kept slipping down.

And the outhouse was cold.

But every abrupt wake up, Romeo looked at Chad lying on the outhouse floor.

Relief hit him first, followed by anger at Chad, then anger at himself.

Love couldn’t be switched off no matter how much he tried, but it could be extinguished, as soon as Chad put himself within grabbing distance, Romeo would kill him.

The monster craved it perhaps more than he’d craved any murder before.

If Romeo had just killed him all those years ago, wrapped his hand around Chad’s throat and claimed him as number one, he wouldn’t be experiencing the pain of his heart having been ripped in two.

Romeo flung the duvet aside and stood up. He relieved himself in the bucket, then investigated the contents Chad had slid his way in the washing up bowl the day before.

There was another bottle of water, toothpaste, a toothbrush, shower gel, two ibuprofen, and a flannel. Romeo grabbed the flannel, only to be caught short by the book beneath.

It was a book of crosswords, not unusual—there was a shelf in the kitchen full of their mostly finished puzzle books—but this one was new . Romeo scraped his thumbnail over the price sticker, then fanned through the untouched pages.

Romeo frowned in Chad’s direction, but he was still asleep.

I’m coming back Romeo, day by day, I’m coming back to you.

Romeo dropped the book back in the bowl then shoved it away.

He took the ibuprofen, though.

Blood had stained the bandage around his hand. He winced as he unwrapped it. The bleeding had stopped, until he twitched his thumb the teeniest amount, then skin split, and any attempt by his body to clot and heal the wound came undone. He sighed and rewrapped his hand using his teeth to stretch out the bandage. It needed stitches. His fingers had begun to ache, and his whole hand felt stiff.

Chad didn’t wake.

Romeo ate one of the cereal bars Chad had given him the day before.

He ate a second one, a third, all while Chad slept on.

Chad hadn’t moved all night Romeo realized. His skin was deathly pale, and there was faint bruising under his eye from where they had struggled. Romeo surged to his feet, swaying slightly as he stared wide-eyed at Chad on the ground.

He was about to call out to him, demand he answer, but then a flicker of something passed across Chad’s face. His eyelids twitched, his eyebrows spasmed, then he settled again.

Romeo sat back down on the gym equipment with his head in his hands.

Worry was another emotion he couldn’t mute the volume on. No matter how hard he tried to force his emotions back and lock them away for good they slipped out, and it was completely unconscious, an action without thought, like breathing.

It took him a few minutes before he heard it.

The growl of an engine.

He lowered his hands as it got closer and closer tearing up their dirt track.

“Chad!”

Breaks squealed on the other side of the outhouse door.

“Shit,” Romeo hissed. He grabbed the shower gel and threw it at Chad. It hit him on the shoulder, and he grunted.

Chad’s eyes shot up, bloodshot and confused. A car door slammed shut.

Feet rushed over the gravel.

“Chad!”

It was Josh’s shout. He called out again, but it was muffled, like he’d gone into the house. Chad staggered as he stood up. Blinking blearily, he looked at Romeo then turned around and rushed out.

Chad locked the door behind him.

Romeo collapsed against the bench, heart racing.

He didn’t want to get found out, not yet.

Not until he’d satisfied himself and the monster by finally claiming his number one.