Page 14 of Single Mom’s Undoing (Lucky Lady Reverse Harems #1)

CLARA

“ M atty is sound asleep,” Jodie says as she comes into the living room.

We get comfortable on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn and some cherry sodas, letting a TV series play in the background while we go over the events of the day. It’s something we used to do when I was younger, just kick back and bounce thoughts back and forth.

“At least he had a fun day,” I say with a faint smile.

“You had quite the day, as well, though I did warn you since the day you got back that some folks might get prickly,” Jodie replies. “They just don’t know you the way I do, the way Carter and the guys know you.”

“It’s the twenty-first century, why is it still okay to pick on a woman’s looks?”

“It’s the only thing that some of them know how to do. It’s a knee-jerk reaction. Let’s not forget, Clara, that most of the people of Blackthorn Falls never left. They peaked in high school.”

I give her a cool grin. “You never left yet look at you.”

“True, but I had great parents to educate me,” she shoots back, then pops a popcorn kernel into her mouth.

“And I had a great influence from you and Stephan and the guys. That counts for something. The town was never ready for personalities like yours. And you and Stephan had it hard. Stephan, in particular, having to raise you on his own after your parents died.”

“Then going into military service. That took a toll of its own,” I add.

“The people in this town tend to judge without knowing the full story. I just hope their words didn’t sting too much.”

I shake my head slowly. “Elizabeth was a troubling sight, though.”

“Yeah, nobody saw that coming, especially Damon. I was ready to bolt out of the fair with Shiloh and Matty, if push came to shove. I knew Damon wouldn’t want that skank anywhere near his daughter.”

“You would’ve had my blessing,” I reply. “It still boggles my mind that Elizabeth just up and left the way she did in the first place. Then again, I also up and left?—”

“Hey, different circumstances, completely different circumstances. You lost your brother. Elizabeth realized that she went through the pain of labor for nothing. She was never going to have Damon, not fully. He was always yours.”

I find myself stunned by Jodie’s statement, my head turning slowly so I can look at her fully. “What do you mean? ”

“Oh, don’t give me that,” she scoffs. “I’ve always known about the three of them and you. How they live, how they love. And I could see the way you were around one another. The minute you turned eighteen, Clara, it became obvious. You were ready to be with them, and they were ready to be with you.”

“Jodie—”

“Relax, your secret is safe with me,” she insists, gently squeezing my shoulder. “Love can be weird, I know. The minute they realized you were gone, they were devastated. They’d just lost Stephan under such tragic circumstances, and then you…it was a hard pill to swallow.”

Tragic circumstances .

If only Jodie knew precisely how tragic those circumstances were. The nightmare that unfolded that night that I was helpless to stop. The details I chose to keep secret. Out of fear. Out of pain. Out of anger.

The girl I was then still lives inside me, riddled with shame and regret. That’s why the woman I am today carries so much uncertainty on her shoulders. I doubt my own judgment sometimes.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t feel sorry for the way I had to leave,” I tell Jodie.

“Will you ever tell the truth about what made you go?”

Deep down, I think Jodie knows that there was more to it than Stephan’s death that prompted my sudden departure. But much like Carter and the guys, she doesn’t press me on the matter.

“Someday. ”

“I wouldn’t worry about Elizabeth too much either,” Jodie replies, softly changing the subject. “Damon can’t stand her anymore. Hell, I was there when they got married. It felt like a shotgun wedding without the actual shotgun.”

That makes me laugh. “Really?”

“I’m telling you, Damon was still brooding over you, much like Carter and Jace.

Shiloh was his happy accident, he’d often say.

But if anyone brought Elizabeth’s name up, he’d shut down almost instantly.

I do know he tried to make it work. He did.

The man can sleep soundly at night; his conscience is clear. ”

“He doesn’t talk about her much.”

“There isn’t a lot to say,” Jodie replies with a shrug.

“The minute Shiloh was born, Elizabeth was already planning trips to Europe and Asia to buy rare art objects for her New York- and Los Angeles-based clients. Then one day, Damon came up here to clean up and remodel the kitchen, and he had this look on his face…”

“What look?”

“I think it was shock but also relief,” Jodie says. “He told me that Elizabeth had left out of the blue. She mailed him a letter, mentioning that she was relinquishing her parental rights and that marriage and family weren’t for her. She said she loved Shiloh too much to ruin her.”

“I don’t buy that last part for a second. I really have a hard time believing that she loved Shiloh too much. Her intentions were purely selfish.”

“Yeah, well, she was right about Shiloh being better off without her. Damon, too. He pulled through it all rather well. ”

“He had a good support network around him,” I say. I can almost picture him, Carter, and Jace taking turns to put baby Shiloh to sleep, or feed her or change her diapers. “Still, it couldn’t have been easy.”

“It wasn’t. For Elizabeth to show up like this two years later, without so much as a text beforehand, it rattled Damon. I think he’s worried about potential custody issues.”

“Elizabeth gave up on that. She signed all the paperwork, didn’t she?”

“She did. But you never really know with family court. She might bring in some kick-ass lawyer or something to try to dispute her signature at the time. There are a lot of ways that this could play out.”

“But Elizabeth would never get full custody of Shiloh.”

“Not right away. At best, she’d probably score visitation hours under tight supervision,” Jodie says.

The thought angers me. I see the way Shiloh looks at me, the way she clings to me and Jodie. The little girl craves a woman’s presence in her life, and I would hate to see Elizabeth come in just to repeatedly let her down, because that’s exactly what will happen.

And it will break Damon’s heart to see it.

“I don’t think this town wants me back,” I tell Jodie at one point. She slowly turns to look at me.

“Whoa. Where’s this coming from? That mess at the fair? I thought we already talked about that.”

“We did. It doesn’t really change the way I feel, though. I did say this would be temporary, Jodie. ”

“Fair enough, but you haven’t even spoken to Stephan’s lawyer yet.”

“He’s coming in next week. As soon as that’s settled, I think I’ll go.”

I’m well aware of the switches I’m making. One minute, I want to stay, the next, I’m ready to bolt out the door with my boy in tow. Carter doesn’t know that he’s Matty’s father, and every minute that I let them spend together drags me closer to a truth I’m not yet ready to reveal.

“No matter how I play this, someone is going to get hurt,” I say, aware that Jodie is waiting for me to say more, to help her understand. “The longer I stay, the more dangerous it becomes for Matty and me.”

“I don’t get it. You have Carter, Damon, and Jace. They will go scorched-earth for you, Clara. That much I know.”

“Not if they find out the truth. Trust me, Jodie, once it’s out, I’ll never be able to put that genie back in the bottle. And I don’t think they’ll be able to forgive me.”

Jodie leans forward, her eyes searching my face. “Clara, what did you do? All those years ago, what did you do?”

“It’s more about what I didn’t do,” I shudder, letting the tears flow freely down my cheeks. “And I have to live with it for the rest of my life.”

“Oh, honey.”

I cave in and cry my heart out.

The next few days give me time to think things through .

Work keeps me busy for the most part, while Matty occupies what’s left of my day to the point where I’m able to keep a certain distance from Carter, Damon, and Jace. I see them in the office, and we conduct business as usual, but they can tell there’s something going on.

It’s been almost three weeks since I came back. At first, I was itching to leave. Now, I’m not so sure anymore, but I know that I must.

One late afternoon, I ask Jodie to take Matty out of daycare and back to her place until I finish what I need to do.

I print my resignation, sign it, and take it to Carter’s office.

“What the hell is this?” he asks, staring at the letter I just set on his desk.

Damon and Jace are seated by the window, going over personnel files. They catch the tension in his voice and come over.

“My resignation,” I say, stating the obvious.

Waves of heat wash over me, followed by sudden bouts of cold.

“I owed it to you to do things right this time around, to bid you farewell before I leave,” I add with a trembling voice.

“This doesn’t make a lick of sense,” Damon replies. “I thought you were on board with completing the entire project.”

“Something came up.”

“Bullshit,” Jace says. “Your meeting with Stephan’s lawyer has been delayed. You need the cash for Matty. What’s going on, Clara? ”

“You’re doing it again,” Carter gets up.

I take a few steps back—not because he’s menacing, but because I know where this is going, and it will lead to the demise of my resolve. Shaking my head slowly, I try to keep my distance.

“I’ve made up my mind,” I say.

“No, you haven’t. This is nonsense, and you know it,” Carter growls. “What’s really going on here, Clara? What are you running away from?”

“I’m not running. I’ve been clear from the beginning that this was temporary.”

“How much longer are we going to keep playing this game?” Carter asks. “I pull, you push, and we end up going in the same direction anyway. How much longer are you going to punish yourself, to keep struggling on your own?”

“I’ve been on my own for a long time. We got by,” I retort.