Misjudged Purpose

Out of the town and in the open fields under the night sky gave Fumiko some peace. It was small, largely having only a slight change on her. She may have escaped the real world, but the one in her mind never could be outrun. As such, she was never truly free or safe.

At first, she only wanted to calm down from the panic attack with the townspeople. Her heart had mostly recovered from it, but the thin layer of sweat over her body made it very difficult to forget. There wasn’t much around, so she just stopped when she needed to and sat down.

Staring up at the moon slightly veiled behind the clouds of the night, Fumiko tried to find some calm from it. Though, it had an unsettling feeling on her even though she couldn’t place it. Defying the expectations, the moon was positioned in a way that it would have been seen if it had been closer to the equator rather than near the south pole as they were. Just another illusion of the world of Atlantis.

But she found no comfort in the night sky. A foreign and unfamiliar sky gave her nothing. Though, she was quite certain that none of that mattered. It was merely a point to complain on and use as an empty excuse.

The longer she remained still the more likely it was to return. And she could already feel it coming back to her. The voices and the images. The feelings carved into her skull. She stood up and started to wander. Anything that might get her mind off it.

She wandered harder, as though that was possible. ‘This isn’t working…’ It really wasn’t. Walking faster away from the town just was running. And that did nothing. She couldn’t get away from what was chasing her.

Fumiko stopped again. She had to accept her situation. Accept was too strong of a word for what she wanted. Manage was definitely closer. She couldn’t accept it. She never could, that was the problem. “I need to get my mind off of this. I can’t even think. If I do, I remember…everything.”

Remembering was the biggest problem. She wanted to forget. It was just impossible to do.

Chapter 327 – Misjudged Purpose

A small flame sprung up from her palm. It was desperately controlled through thin strands of magic. Several of the threads blew around in the wind unconnected at the ends. The flame suddenly went out. “Damn…it’s so small. I’m not used to working with them that small. Whenever I’m fighting I want them to be big and powerful. Trying to keep it small is nearly impossible.”

She sat down finding that her legs were getting tired from the lack of movement. Weaving magic didn’t need to be standing. The stray threads of magic hanging around her she called upon once more. It wasn’t something that she was going to let beat her. “Come on you can do it!” A bit of a smile came over her face staring into the red glow of her fire.

Eventually, the flame collapsed again. Repeatedly, it happened over and over again for her. Attempts changed a little as she tried to figure out the problem. In the end, she collapsed in the grass, unable to figure it out. “Why did I want to try to do this again?” she asked herself as she looked up at the stars.

As she tried to remember why she even challenged herself to making such a small flame, her eyes began to close. Sleep fell upon her once more. A little bit of peace rested within the developing lines on her face.

A peace that always remained short lived. Fumiko jumped up out of her sleep. Another day, another nightmare. She looked down the hill at the village that they stopped by today. “They’re getting prepared… It’s endless, the celebrations…”

It hardly came as a surprise to her or anyone in their traveling band. Even though they had already come from one party, the next place that they visited wanted to do the exact same thing. They felt compelled to entertain their new King. Though, it was also likely a way to release the stress. No one complained.

Fumiko kept her opinions to herself. None of the others seemed to understand. They weren’t having nightmares like her. The ghosts of their deeds didn’t seem to haunt them. They could sleep through the night. She had to pick random times when her body would allow it for her to sleep. And still only in small bursts.

Her hand immediately started to draw out magic from within. She only started doing such things in the last day, but she was already getting used to it. It worked for her. So there was no reason to stop.

It started out with it being her routine. But the voices were still crawling towards her like zombies after the heroes in a horror movie. She could feel the pounding in her chest getting worse. Fumiko turned her head to stare at the red glow. “Just the fire. Only the fire.” The flame reflected in her eyes as she stared.

The pounding eased off. And the undead disappeared. She kept focus on the magic, not completely paying attention to actual work. Which meant that it snuffed out quickly. If it was to work she needed to give it her attention.

“Damn, I need to focus. I know I can do it.” She made it into a dare almost. Something impossible that might be achievable. She didn’t know if she could do it. It seemed reasonable, but definitely far beyond her reach. But it gave her a goal. And important to her for a few reasons. “If I can do this I’ll have a lot better control over my magic. It won’t go out of control anymore.” It was the only reason that she was willing to acknowledge though. The other reasons were never said or even thought.

Moving her fingers through the air, she started to manipulate the threads once more to create the delicate flame. It fought with her. Such detail wasn’t something it wanted to do. It wanted power. It wanted the coursing flow of her magic to feed through and grow. The flame was hungry.

A starved flame only lasted for so long. But she kept trying. She was very certain she would be able to get to it.

Days continued to pass in the same sort of pattern. She parked herself outside of whatever place they were visiting that day and practiced her magic. It made the days go by surprisingly fast. The usage of her magic no longer tired her. Her body seemed to be adapting better to her calling upon it.

“Almost there…” The flame she worked with had a better life to it. It still fought her for more power. But it held together. She could do it for longer, even though it always collapsed. “A little smaller…” So she began testing herself in different ways. She wanted to know how little magic she could use. How efficient she could make it. There were so many questions she had that needed to be answered.

Traces of excitement would sometimes pop up during her sessions. They largely went unnoticed by her. Her focus was directed outwardly on her magic rather than inward at herself.

However, it was all she could manage. Progress was her only purpose. It kept her mind focused. She gained ground from the training. Every waking moment had been consumed with her practice. It was the only way. The moment she paused or stopped it came back to her.

For all of the effort, she understood her powers better than she ever thought she would. She could see the endless horizon of growth potential. But she could see it now. It was open for her to take. And she jumped in after it.

Fumiko screamed, pulling away from Haruo. Her memories rammed through her head. She fell backwards to the ground, all of her magic fading away. Locked within her, the battle for the truth or the enforced truth burned stronger than her flame. “I kill…I must… Everyone’s dead…”

Blood dripped from the numerous wounds Haruo sustained. He could feel how lightheaded he was from the fight. There wasn’t a lot that he had left to give. His body didn’t like him moving around and he asked to move again for him. ‘What’s wrong with her? Is she fighting against the brainwashing?’

He started to get back on his feet. Inside his muscle and whatever else the metal ran through, complained greatly against his movements. ‘How much longer can I last like this? It feels like everything is finally starting to catch up. But I need to be sure things are over with Fumiko. I can’t allow myself to pass out without being sure of her.’ Every step he made dropped a heavy foot to the earth as if he was ten metric tons. Nothing felt right anymore. “…Fumiko…”

When he dragged himself over to her side, she had fallen completely back unable to move. He could see pain across her face. Between the two of them, she was definitely in a better state than him. His animals did leave her with some injuries, but nothing as severe. So he knew it wasn’t for her wounds that she made a twisted expression. ‘What’s going on inside her mind?’

In a few moments, it came to a stop. Clarity came back to her eyes as she looked up at Haruo. He watched her trying to tell if she was going to resume her attack. However, she made no movements to try.

“…Haruo…”

“Still wanting to kill me?” He didn’t really have the time to try to evaluate her on his own. His body was deteriorating fast.

Her expression changed a little, going a little flat to his query. “Not really, if I did it’d be other reasons.”

“Takako?”

“She’s still in my head. I can feel her trying to motivate me.”

“So it is mind control?”

“Something like that, it’s a little complicated.”

“Can you move?”

“No…”

Haruo knelt down next to her, though it was very heavily done. His body began to respond less to him. “Takako?”

“Part of it… I’m still under her control, but you managed to make me remember something important.”

“Something important?” He really didn’t know what he had done apart from questioning her intentions. Which was all he could assume that he did. ‘So she was forgetting something and that shocked her out of the control?’

Fumiko’s eyes moved around seeing the questioning look in Haruo. She wasn’t surprised. “You wouldn’t understand. But it was enough to make Takako’s influence clash with what I had forgotten. I’m awake, but I really wish I wasn’t.”

“Are you in pain?”

“It’s a different sort of pain. I don’t have her numbing influence. Almost nothing is under my control, but my consciousness is awake now. I can remember everything I’ve done.” Fumiko blinked her eyes. It was the only part of her that seemed to have any control. And not even that was completely true.

“You don’t seem affected from what I can see.”

“That’s because Takako’s not allowing me control over my emotions. It’s a weird feeling. I know I have guilt, crushing guilt, but I can’t react to it.” Her eyes blinked again clearly showing how much she wanted, but could do nothing. “I’m not sure if this is better or worse. It’s probably the only thing keeping my body from moving for Takako.”

Leaning over to Fumiko, he tried to see what he could do for her. He had no way of imagining such a feeling. It seemed like a completely impossible sort of thing to empathize over. He could just try to make her feel comfortable. “I’m going to take you away from here.”

“Takako’s mind has an endless reach. You can’t take me away from her.”

“I know. But with the two of us in this condition, we’re only going to risk further harm by staying in a combat zone.” He glanced over in the distance seeing explosions of light going off where he imagined someone was fighting.

As he lifted her up, completely limp, Fumiko glanced over at Haruo. “You’re still expressionless.”

“I can be helpful without expressing emotion.”

“But you’re in pain.”

“As are you.”

“But I’m unable to express it. You can if you wanted to express it, but you don’t. Why?”

“There’s no need.”

“But there’s a reason for it.”

Haruo looked at the gate that completely barred their way. He didn’t have his hands free. But fortunately there was damage to the wall from someone else. Making his way over the debris and rubble, he tried to focus on other things than his personal life. But Fumiko wanted to know.

“How do you do it? Like it doesn’t get to you?”

“It’s just the way I grew up. I realized when I was younger that there were people that lived off it. So I denied them what they wanted most.”

“But you no longer need to do that, right?”

“Yes, but it is who I am now. I shut them off.”

“I’m not sure if I envy or pity you.”

“I’m not asking for either.”

“Idiot…”