Page 19

Paisley

Since Marissa’s disappearance several months ago, my life has become much easier.

I no longer have her or her cronies breathing down my neck, and torturing me.

Her mean girls’ club has fallen apart since her former best friend, Hannah’s, brush with CMS. After that, Hannah kicked her husband, Seth, to the curb and is no longer speaking to him. She’s also on a steady diet of Amra.

Speaking of Amra, I have an appointment at the medical clinic for a checkup.

Since the drug is still new, doctors closely monitor anyone who uses it, and they don’t yet know all of its side effects.

While the drug helps keep us patients alive and pain-free, researchers have not yet determined its long-term ramifications .

I open my cabin door to leave and find Miles standing on the threshold. “M–miles! What are you doing here?” I stammer.

He thrusts a bouquet of flowers at me. “These are for you.”

I step back, holding up my hands. “Whoa! Miles. I don’t know why you think I’d want flowers from you.”

“I just want to apologize,” he pleads.

“Apology not accepted. What kind of desperate idiot do you take me for?” I slam the door in his face and go to the back door.

The walk will be a little longer, but I can at least try to avoid Miles, who continues to knock at the front.

I cut through the forest behind my cabin and circle through a walking trail when Miles catches up with me.

Of course, being a shifter, he wouldn’t have difficulty tracking me.

“Miles, I don’t want to talk to you,” I huff out in exasperation. “Why are you insisting on following me?”

“Marissa–I mean Paisley…”

I stop dead on the trail and face Miles. I glare at him for a full minute before I take a deep breath and turn to walk on.

He starts to follow. “Paisley– ”

Not hesitating, I continue to stomp away from him, raising my hand to indicate I don’t want to hear any more out of his mouth. I’m proud I haven’t caved to my wolf’s urging to flip him the finger. I guess my inner wolf is a little sassier lately.

“I didn’t mean to call you by her name,” he pleads. “I just want to say that I’m sorry and make things up to you.”

I stop again and turn to him; a look of irritation crosses my face as I shake my head. "What do you imagine will happen after you apologize and make it up to me?" I raise my hands making air quotes. “Let alone how are you going to even make things up to me? You can't unsleep with her?”

“Well, I hope that we can–that you will–I hope for a chance to prove my feelings for you.” He steps closer, his breath shaky, and then he gasps, “I—I love you.”

I lower my head, a deep sadness settling over me at his raw confession. “You love me—until Marissa comes back. That’s your track record.” I pull up my top, exposing the scars on my stomach to illustrate my point, and look at him with steady eyes. “I can’t survive your brand of love. ”

He stands there staring at my torso with a pained look as he raises his shirt to expose lacerations and bruises on himself. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through and for what I threw away.”

I drop my shirt back down and turn away swiftly.

Miles realizing the consequences of his mistakes doesn’t evoke sympathy or satisfaction; it simply makes me nauseous.

I speedwalk down the trail, trying to get away from Miles and to the clinic as quickly as possible.

Miles grabs my arm and spins me around, wrapping his arms around me to keep me from falling.

“Please, Paisley,” he begs.“Hear me out.”

I don’t want to come across as heartless; I genuinely feel sorry for him, but I can’t risk my heart again. I jerk away, wrapping my arms around myself, and I glower. “Say what you have to say, and let me get on with my life, Miles!”

“Just give me a chance–just one more chance, Paisley, to prove to you that I can be faithful to you–that I love you.”

I throw my arms up in surrender--I give up. I don’t know what delusions Miles has, but something is wrong. “Miles,” I say softly. “I think you really need to seek counseling. Marissa has played with your emotions for so long that you no longer know which way is up. ”

“For the first time in a long time, Paisley, I feel like I’m actually thinking clearly,” he says. “This CMS,” he gestures toward his stomach, “has really been a wake-up call.”

“Then answer me this,” I reply, my voice steady. “After we’d been together for a year as fated mates, why was it so easy for you to turn your back on our relationship and without hesitation bond with Marissa?”

“I don’t know,” he blurts out immediately, his voice almost desperate.

“Why give Marissa what you promised to me?” I continue, my voice rising, “She’s treated you like a toy—a plaything? She drops you when tired of you and picks you up again if someone else shows interest.”

“I don’t know,” he says frantically.

“What assurances do I have that you won’t do the very same thing again should Marissa return for you?” I ask, my words sharp.

“I…” he falters, the truth sinking in. I watch him finally realize he can’t promise me any future because of Marissa , even if he refuses to accept it.

I spin around and resume walking toward the medical clinic. “Miles, your hesitation is the answer,” I say, not bothering to look back. “And that’s exactly why I could never even consider letting you back into my heart.”

I walk into the pack house and head downstairs to the medical clinic. The medical assistant, Dr. Rach, greets me warmly. “Hi, Paisley. Just head on into Exam Room 1. I’ll be right behind you.”

I get settled on the end of the examination table and look around the small room.

It’s nearly pristine, as shifters aren’t susceptible to many illnesses; therefore, the charts on the wall are about Cheating Mate Syndrome or immediate first aid for silver or wolfsbane poisoning.

There’s even one that describes and illustrates the shifting process down to a genetic level, published by the Stone Mountain Genetic Research Institute.

Dr. Rach opens the door and pushes her holographic device cart into the room. “So, Paisley, how have you been?”

I sigh deeply. “Physically, I feel tired and run down. All I want to do is sleep.”

“What about emotionally?” she pries .

“I’m a wreck emotionally.” I confide. “Between everything that happened with the CMS, Marissa and her cronies harassing me, and now Miles will not leave me alone.”

“What is Miles doing?”

“He sneaks around the cabin often when off-duty and not otherwise occupied. And he has gotten braver, to the point that he’s now trying to talk to me.

Just as I was about to leave for my appointment here today, he knocked on my door.

He followed me when I snuck out the back way through the woods. ”

“Really?”

“Yes. I don’t know what to do about it.” I lean over and put my head in my hands.

“What does he want?”

“He’s going on about making the cheating up to me and proving he can be a better male or some such!” I grit out.“I think he needs counseling because I can’t help him.I will not put my heart back on the line and wait for Marissa to snatch him up again.”

“Do you still have feelings for him?”

“No—well, not like you might be thinking. I feel an overwhelming sorrow for the loss of my mate. When he sneaks around my cabin, and I can feel his presence, my soul grieves for what we had and lost. It hurts to know that he threw our relationship away for nothing–because now, Marissa is gone again, and all he’s left doing is stalking me.

Had he not cheated with Marissa and then mated her, we would still be together.

Instead, he’s here, lurking around my cabin, unable to move on, and I’m left with this heartache.

“I also feel sorry for him because Marissa has totally messed up his mind. I feel angry and spiteful that he has the nerve to try to talk to me again, like I’m so desperate for affection, I’d even consider it!”

“I know Knight has some feelings for you,” Dr. Rach suggests. “How is that progressing?”

“Knight says he believes he’s my second-chance mate.

” I huff. “I think that may be my fault because I used Knight to illustrate to Miles the pains of CMS. When I was first released from the hospital after Miles cheated, I kissed Knight. It was a passionate kiss—one that definitely got Miles’ attention as he writhed in pain—but it gave Knight false hope.

For that, I feel guilty. Especially since I still turn to Knight for comfort. ”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure if it’s the Amra or something else, but I don’t have feelings for anyone.

I don’t care about anything most of the time,” I confess.

“I’ll admit, Knight comes to my cabin almost every night after Miles leaves.

I’m usually a mess—crying, overwhelmed by Miles’ skulking around—and Knight comes inside, climbs into my bed, and holds me until the sobs stop and I finally fall asleep.

He’s always gone by morning, but the comfort he gives helps me sleep.

Still, there’s no real mate bond between us.

I don’t feel any connection like that with him. It could be anybody,” I whisper sadly.

“Some studies are coming out that Amra may be stifling new mate bond connections as well as old ones.” Dr. Rach advises.

“Since Miles has officially mated with Marissa, your bond should be gone. However, the fact that Miles’ presence still distresses you suggests that there are some vestiges of the bond left.

I want to keep you on Amra for a while longer.

Perhaps we’ll look at reducing the dosage when I assess you next month. ”

“Okay.”

“In the meantime, I want you to see a counselor.” Dr. Rach takes out a sticky-note pad.

“I want you to call Dr. Bishop. He has a home office on the edge of the territory where he sees his patients. I think you’re clinically depressed, possibly with complications of PTSD as a result of the CMS. Dr. Bishop can help diagnose and treat those conditions as well.

” She tears the top sheet from the pad and hands it to me.

“Sounds good, Dr. Rach,”I respond. “Thanks.”

“Sure thing,” she replies. Is there anything else you want to discuss while you’re here?”

“I don’t think so. Thanks again for your help.”