Page 16

Miles

I can’t help but compare Marissa and Paisley.

I know this is unfair of me, but what in all of this is fair?

The entire time Paisley and I were together, she was right here in this apartment with me in the evenings.

She never went out for girls’ nights, which I wouldn’t have cared about, but she was utterly devoted to me.

Paisley was the epitome of a loyal mate, while Marissa was the antithesis.

I rise from the chair and turn on the light. Marissa gasps, shielding her eyes with her hands as she squints against the sudden brightness. “What the heck, Miles!” she slurs, her words thick with intoxication. She sways slightly to the left before catching herself on the couch to avoid falling.

“That must’ve been one heck of a movie night with your girlfriends.”

The look she gives me is one of pure confusion until she remembers her lie. “Oh, yeah, we really enjoyed it,” she giggles, covering her mouth with the hand that's not clutching the couch.

“Marissa, I have been an utter fool,” I sigh, rubbing my face dejectedly.

Her glassy eyes stare at me blankly.

“I just want answers.Do you think that you could show a little–I don’t know–loyalty to me for once in your life?Take pity on me, Marissa, and be honest with me. After all, I risked my position as Beta to be with you.”

She slides down to sit on the couch, fumbling around to keep from falling to the floor. “What are you talking about, Miles?”

“Do me the favor of not patronizing me, please,” I beg quietly. “I know what you’ve done.”

She actually gulps as her eyes slide from mine to the floor. I shiver at the sliminess, looking at her makes me feel sick right now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Miles. I know it’s late, but we all kind of fell asleep while watching the movie.”

“Don’t lie and don’t play innocent with me,” I growl. “Your good friend Hannah and I both ended up in the medical bay last night.I was lucky. I had a dose of Amra in my system that saved my life, but Hannah isn’t so fortunate.

Last report, she’s in critical condition, and they don’t know if she’s going to make it. Apparently, she has been silently suffering from CMS for months.Her mate is a serial cheater, and obviously, so are you.I just didn’t realize it before because we didn’t share a bond.”

She stares at me mutely, but I can see her guilt in her eyes, maybe not because of me, but more likely because of Hannah.I don’t think she thought that far ahead.Hannah and her mate have only been together a year.

“Is Seth one of your regular partners?” I ask. “Be honest with me; you owe me that much, considering how you were involved in splitting Paisley and me apart. She was my true mate, and you contributed to that separation.

“Up yours, Miles!" she spits, wobbling in her seat. “I’m sick to death of hearing about Saint Paisley! Do you think being your partner is easy? Yeah, the chemistry is fantastic, but you are so–so grown up!" she accuses. “You don’t know how to let loose and have a good time.”

Marissa, we’re in our thirties, and I’m the Beta in this pack. I have responsibilities, and so do you. As my mate, you’re a leader here. Every member of this pack is under your care. Your actions tonight, with Seth Hill, resulted in pack members getting seriously injured.

She sputtered, unable to get her words out properly. 'I—no, that’s not true—’ She fumbles, her face turning red with shame.

"I made the mistake of thinking with my heart instead of my head when I bonded with you," I groan.

"Based solely on an illusion."

Marissa’s eyes go wide with surprise. “Miles–” she gasps drunkenly. “You–you don’t mean that.”

“You don’t have leadership abilities, and I knew that,” I continue without pause.

“I just hoped that after being gone for a year–no, after ten years–you might have matured and were truly ready to settle down. I thought you could be a Beta’s wife, but I was wrong.

Paisley would’ve made a good Beta’s wife, but you’re not even in her league. ”

Marissa leaps to her feet and confronts me with a fierce intensity that catches me off guard. Her claws slash across my face as she screams, “Take it back, Miles. You jerk!” Her nails gouge into my cheek with a fiery sting.

I grab her wrists to stop her assault, but she keeps thrashing, trying to reach me. “Don’t make things worse on yourself by attacking me, Marissa.” I seethe. “You are already in trouble for stealing drugs from the clinic and spiking my drink.”

She lurches back in shock and then stops. “How do you know that?” She’d fall if I weren’t still holding her wrists.

“Marissa, there are cameras everywhere on these premises. You can’t be that ignorant.”

Her eyes widen again. “Oh, no!” She keeps struggling, but I wrap my arms around her, pinning her arms to her sides.

Her breathing becomes shallow as she slumps forward and falls onto the floor in a heap.

In her drunken state, she’s passed out. With a sigh, I lift her and gently place her on the bed.

It looks like answers will have to wait until tomorrow since she’s out cold.

I leave the apartment and head to my office.

There's a lot of paperwork to prepare for Marissa’s ejection from the pack and for facing charges related to the theft.

We now know that although mate bond tampering is illegal, it isn’t a crime to have consensual sex with someone else’s mate, so no charges will be filed for cheating.

I sit down at my desk and begin the process.

There’ll be no sleep for me tonight. It's ironic that the phrase “Hindsight is 20/20” actually holds true. Just a month or so ago, I was confused about my future and who I wanted to spend my life with: Marissa or Paisley. And now, I see that there was never really a choice. Marissa could never compare to Paisley. I’m not sure how I even chose her over Paisley to begin with.

Now that my mind is clear, so is my heart.

After I found Paisley, Marissa is a pale comparison.

I think I just wanted what I couldn’t have.

Now isn’t that a quandary, because here I am again, wanting what I can’t have–or can I?

Is it possible to get Paisley’s forgiveness?

I'm not sure, but I'm going to make it my life’s goal to try.

Time passes quickly as I reflect once again on the possibilities of a life with Paisley.

I remember how we used to cuddle and watch movies together after coming home from work.

Paisley would sit and grade papers until I scooped her up onto my lap.

Her soft, curvy body nestled against me.

How could I think I could do better than perfection?

I inhale and imagine her sweet wildflower and honey scent.

Memories of the past year play on a loop through my mind, first tempting me, then torturing me. Goddess! What have I thrown away?

I sit here, lost in my thoughts, as a knock sounds on the door. “Come in.”

Alpha, followed by Enforcer North, walks inside. “You ready for this, Miles?" They’re here to arrest Marissa, of course.

I nod dejectedly.

“Let’s go,” Alpha says as he gestures toward the door.

I stand and follow them out. As we walk to my apartment door, I’m numb.

Seeing Marissa’s true character feels like the remedy for my obsession with her, finally.

I’m freed from the illusion and see past the facade.

I’ve been cured by the hair of the dog; a good dose of Marissa has ended my infatuation with her once and for all.

I open the apartment door and look around, seeing no sign of Marissa.

She must still be asleep. I head to the bedroom and pause at the doorway.

The bed is empty, the sheets still rumpled from where she’d been.

I check the bathroom, but it’s empty too.

Then, I hurry to the closet only to find that Marissa’s clothes are gone.

“She’s done a runner,” I shout, kicking myself for giving her a heads up about being in trouble for the stolen drugs, but I thought she was so intoxicated that she’d be out for hours.

“I’ll mind-link the front gate,” Alpha hisses, his gaze flickering as he performs the task. “She left through the front gate an hour ago.” He barks, snapping back into focus.

“She’s long gone,” I state. “North, issue an APB and send the trackers after her.”

“Will do,”he replies as he exits the bedroom.

I go into the living room and slump onto the couch feeling dejected. "I should have seen this coming," I murmur.

Alpha sits beside me. “Yeah. I hate this for you, Miles, but I had hoped with Paisley you could have gotten past your preoccupation with Marissa.”

“She reappeared so suddenly, it disrupted everything settled in my life," I lament.

This probably isn’t the last time, Miles, but you no longer have your blinders on. You need to prepare yourself mentally so that when you are finally settled again–and you will be—she won’t have any power over you.

“Yeah,” I simply say, but my thoughts are chaotic as I wonder if I can settle down again. Has the door to Paisley’s heart really closed to me?