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THIRTY-SIX

Adrian was fielding a lot of calls from worried residents about the storm. The department had tried to get information out to the public before the weather turned bad, but it seemed there were quite a few people who hadn’t paid much attention.

Now it was all hands on deck, especially for him. His school resource officers were busy working with the local schools, and his other officers were out checking on residents and businesses, making certain everyone was prepared for bad weather. They’d set up three locations that could house anyone who lost their electricity. City Hall and two local churches had backup generators. They were prepared to take in anyone who might need help. The general store had sold out of water, ice melt, batteries, and other essentials. More supplies had been brought in from the big-box store on the edge of town. As far as Adrian could tell, the town should be pretty well equipped to weather the storm. But still, the calls came. Many folks were asking the police for weather updates. They tried to patiently explain that they weren’t meteorologists, but that didn’t seem to help. Tempers were frayed, and officers were exhausted. For now, everyone was on call, which kept officers from taking care of their own families.

Several times he’d wanted to call Erin and Kaely to make sure they were okay, but he hadn’t gotten a break yet. Since they were both ex-law enforcement and armed, equipped with a generator, and stocked with supplies, he had no choice but to prioritize calls from residents who were in situations that were much more dire.

Still, he was having a hard time keeping them out of his mind. Especially Erin. Her deep green eyes seemed to follow him wherever he went.

“I can’t get Adrian,” Kaely said. “His cell phone just keeps going to voicemail.”

“I’m sure he’s really busy with the approaching storm,” Erin said. “I remember in St. Louis when the weather forecast was bad, we’d be inundated with calls. When people are worried or frightened, they call the police, even when we couldn’t really do anything for them other than to tell them what supplies they needed or where the shelters were.” She sighed. “Look, the guy could have pulled over to check his map or something. There’s no use worrying about some random guy. Our doors are locked. You’re armed. And a storm’s coming. We’re fine.”

“I guess so. Still, having someone parked outside the house after those murders is a little disconcerting. And this is the second time it’s happened.”

“I know.”

“Did you happen to see what kind of car it was?” Kaely asked.

Erin shook her head. “I think it was dark. Maybe a pickup? I can’t be sure. The lights blinded me, and by the time whoever it was turned around, I still couldn’t see very well through the snow.”

They were back in the living room. Kaely had warmed up the hot chocolate and put the popcorn in the microwave for a few seconds. Chester was back on his blanket by the fire, snoozing away. Kaely had the feeling he was simply worn out, and now that he had a place to sleep for the night and food to eat, his problems were behind him. As far as Kaely was concerned, he could stay until they left. She was a little worried about what would happen to him after that, but she had a strong feeling that Chester had just found a new home with Erin. Kaely was so happy that Chester had come along. He was just what Erin needed. Someone who would love her no matter what—and who would help her through the trauma she’d endured. Some people called dogs angels. Of course, they weren’t, but right now she might not have been too surprised if Chester suddenly grew a pair of wings.

She’d been praying that God would give her the right words to say to Erin, but even more, that he would give her ears to hear Erin’s heart. She’d noticed the locked gun box in Erin’s room and wondered why she hadn’t opened it. She’d told Kaely once that she wasn’t certain she’d ever pick up a gun again. So why was it here? Locked in a box? There was one explanation, but that possibility horrified her. She was trying so hard not to feel responsible for Erin, to leave that concern to God, but ever since she’d noticed the box, fear pricked at her thoughts constantly.

Please help her, Father. Open her heart and her mind to You. You’re her only true hope.

Kaely had to let the Holy Spirit lead her. If she pushed Erin too far... Stop it. Put this in His hands.

Erin took a sip of cocoa and then set her cup down on the coffee table. The snow was really starting to come down, and the wind was picking up. The outside lights showed trees whose branches were rippling in the wind. This was only the beginning. If the forecasters were correct, it was going to get much, much worse.

Kaely took a drink of her hot chocolate and slowly put it down. She was sitting in the overstuffed chair near the end of the sofa where Erin sat, a soft blue throw pulled up around her as if she were cold. But the room was nice and warm. Her reaction wasn’t caused by the temperatures. It came from something else. Fear. Fear was cold and mind numbing. Kaely took a deep breath.

“So, Erin,” she said. “We’ve talked quite a bit about your nightmares and how you have a hard time sleeping.”

“Yeah. And thank you for taking my calls in the middle of the night. I’m not sure even people who called themselves my friends would have done that. I can’t imagine what Noah thinks of me.”

“Like I told you, when Noah goes to sleep, he’s out. He could sleep through an earthquake.”

Erin smiled. “I’m glad I haven’t disturbed him. His work with the BAU is important.”

Kaely nodded. “He loves it, and I can live through him vicariously. Although he can’t discuss details of his cases, he does talk about the profiles they work.” She shook her head. “Now, quit trying to make me talk about myself. You’re deflecting.”

Erin looked away. “Fair enough.”

“Look, we came here so you could talk. I don’t live in St. Louis anymore, so once we leave this place, you won’t have to see me.”

“I still think it’s odd that you used to live there. Makes me wonder if we ever crossed paths.”

“It’s possible.”

“I know you think it’s easier for me that you live in another part of the country,” Erin said, “but still, I think it would be nice if we were closer.”

“You might feel that right now,” Kaely said, “but knowing that you won’t see me again for a while might make it easier to be honest with me.”

“Maybe.” Erin reached for her box of Mallomars. She took one out and then held out the box to Kaely, who shook her head. It was obvious they comforted her.

“My mom used to buy them for us as a special treat,” Erin said. “They remind me of her.”

That explained it. Kaely smiled. “I hear you. When I bake brownies, I think of my mother. She made them before... well, before my father was arrested and we went into hiding from the world. She didn’t bake after that.”

“I’m sorry,” Erin said. “Sometimes I forget about everything you went through. You seem so... together.”

“It took time, but God healed me. It’s all due to Him.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “So, tell me the things you’ve never said before, Erin. The things you don’t want to say. What is the one memory or thought you have that you don’t want to share with anyone?”

Erin’s eyes filled with tears. “That’s easy. The night the girl died. When I found out I killed her.”

“Tell me about that.”

“We’ve talked about that.”

“True,” Kaely said. “We’ve talked about that. But I want to know how you really feel—down deep inside.”

“I... I don’t know if I can.” Erin got up and began to pace the floor. Chester raised his head and watched her.

“Yes. Yes, you can.” Kaely paused for a moment. Then she said, “Erin, I worked for the FBI. I’ve seen the worst humanity has to offer. When I was with the BAU, we had cases that... well, let’s just say that we saw and learned things about evil that shouldn’t even be whispered about in the dark. Depravity that defies explanation. I had dreams too. Nightmares. And I watched coworkers take their lives because they couldn’t handle it. There isn’t anything you can say to me that I haven’t heard before. I’ve also listened to other agents tell me about the innocent people who died in front of them. You’re not the only one.”

“Did these coworkers actually kill them?” Erin asked with anger in her voice.

“Yes. On several occasions. When firing back in self-defense, innocent people have died. I knew one guy who was trying to make a man put down the knife he held to his little boy’s neck. He thought he’d talked the guy down. But as he approached him with his hand out for the knife, the man suddenly slit his own child’s throat.”

Erin stopped walking and looked at her. “That’s horrendous.”

“Yes, it is. And my friend blamed himself for it. Felt that he’d read the guy wrong. That he should have simply shot him in the head and saved the boy.”

“What... what happened to your friend?” Erin asked.

“You may not like my answer.”

“Tell me.”

“Okay. He got help from the One who saved me. The One who let him know that it wasn’t his fault. That he’d done everything he could to save the little boy’s life. That He knew my friend would have given his own life for the boy. It was that reassurance that saved him. That made him realize that the only person responsible was the evil man who killed his son.”

Erin came back over and sat down on the couch again. “Were you the friend?”

Kaely shook her head. “No, I wasn’t.”

“Whoever it was—that was a great friend.”

“Yes, He was. And He still is.”

Erin’s eyebrow shot up and her eyes narrowed. “You’re talking about God again.”

Kaely shrugged. “Yes, I am. You asked. I’m sorry if you don’t like my answer.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” She shook her head. “Kaely, you’re so smart. How can you possibly believe in some kind of magical being who lives in the sky and runs everyone’s life? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t believe that.”

Erin looked confused. “What does that mean?”

“First of all, God doesn’t run anyone’s life. He’s not a puppet master or a dictator. And secondly, can I ask you the same question you asked me?”

Erin frowned. “I guess so.”

“How can you possibly believe that the world, human beings, the universe, just happened accidentally? Out of nothing? That takes a lot more faith than I could ever muster.”

Erin didn’t say anything, she just looked at Kaely. Had she blown it? Had she pushed Erin too hard?