Page 36

THIRTY-FIVE

Kaely and Erin worked together to make supper. They settled on trout almondine with new potatoes and roasted carrots—another one of the premade meals in the refrigerator. It was delicious.

The wind and the snow had started to pick up by the time they’d finished eating. Erin added a couple of additional logs to the fire while Kaely cleaned up and started the hot chocolate. She was nervous about talking to Erin. Since Erin wasn’t a Christian, Kaely wasn’t sure how best to help her. Should she mention God or keep His name out of their conversation completely? She prayed silently for wisdom as she reminded herself that she felt their coming here was God-ordained. If that was true, the Holy Spirit would guide her.

“You’re making the hot chocolate,” Erin said as she came into the kitchen. “I’ll pop the popcorn. Any idea where we might find a large bowl?”

“Hmmm. I think I saw some in the cabinet to the left of the sink.”

Erin checked and found them. She grabbed a bowl, then found some butter in the fridge and melted it in the microwave. By the time Kaely had the hot chocolate ready, the freshly popped popcorn was in the bowl, and Erin had poured the melted butter over the top. It smelled really good. Kaely carried the cups of hot chocolate into the living room, still praying for guidance.

Erin plopped down on the couch and tucked her legs under her while they both sipped hot chocolate and munched popcorn. Kaely noticed that Erin had put a box of Mallomars on the table. What was up with that? She seemed very attached to them, and Kaely wondered why. They’d opened the drapes next to the fireplace and could see the snow falling through the floor-to-ceiling windows on one side of the living room.

They’d just started snacking when Chester suddenly woke up from his nap. His nose sniffed the air, and he looked at them hopefully.

Kaely put her cup and bowl down. “I’ll feed him. You stay there. You look so comfortable.”

“Don’t be silly. I’ll help.”

They both went into the kitchen. Kaely opened the bag of dog food while Erin filled a bowl with water. Chester had followed them, but he sat down at the entrance to the kitchen and watched. He seemed hesitant. Almost fearful.

Kaely glanced over at Erin, who appeared to have noticed the same thing she had.

“The police have been feeding him, keeping him out of the cold, so he’s not starving. But he seems... sad,” Kaely said.

“Maybe he misses his owner.”

“Animals bond with people, even those who don’t love them,” Kaely said with a sigh. “Obviously his owner didn’t care about him. How could he just leave him?”

They put the bowls of water and food on the floor. After looking at them carefully for a moment, Chester finally got up and walked slowly into the kitchen. Then he gingerly began to eat. Erin bent down to pet him, but Chester flinched as when she reached out her hand.

“Oh, dear,” Kaely said.

The dog allowed Erin to stroke his head and his back several times, but when Erin straightened up, she looked at Kaely with tears in her eyes. “Someone’s been hitting him. He was afraid I was going to hurt him too.”

“Well, he’s safe with us now. Just give him time. He’ll figure that out.” She put the bag of food down on the floor. “We need a leash. Until we’re sure he feels safe here, I don’t want him running off when we let him out. I have a belt that should work. I’ll be right back.”

When Kaely left the room, Erin sat down on the floor next to Chester. She felt such a connection to this dog. He was being cared for by people, but he wasn’t... home. That’s how she felt too.

“It will be okay, Chester,” she said softly. “Maybe...”

She couldn’t finish that sentence or say what was in her heart. She couldn’t promise Chester a home because she couldn’t promise she’d be around. She took a deep breath and let it out. What if talking to Kaely really was her only hope? Perhaps taking a chance—trusting someone—would lead her to some kind of salvation. The therapists she’d spoken to just didn’t get it. Didn’t understand her. Erin hadn’t been able to tell any of them the truth about how dark her life had become. What if someone at the station found out? She couldn’t endure pity from those she’d worked with. Being a police officer was about being strong. About being able to deal with the daily horror they faced. Weepy police officers had no place on the force. Those who had a hard time controlling their emotions were the ones who were shunned. Who eventually left. Erin knew the mindset was wrong, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She’d been powerless against it. That’s why she had to leave. They couldn’t use a broken, frightened shell of a human being.

She looked up to find Chester staring at her. When she locked eyes with him, she gasped. It was as if in that moment, something passed between them that was beyond words. Beyond description. Chester stepped away from his food bowl and came up close to her. Somehow Erin knew she shouldn’t move. Then he licked her face. Just one small lick, then he backed up and went back to his bowl. But in that moment, Erin knew. This dog was going to be hers. They belonged together.

“Are you all right?”

Kaely’s voice startled her. Erin realized tears were streaming down her face. She got to her feet and grabbed a tissue from the box on the small desk in the kitchen.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, fighting to keep her voice steady.

Kaely stared at her for a moment before saying, “No, you’re not, Erin. You’ve locked your emotions into a room you don’t want to go into. But they’re beginning to leak out. The door to that room can’t hold them back any longer. That’s why we need to talk. I’m not a therapist, but I’ve been where you are.” She walked up to Erin and took her hands. “I’m not going to tell you what to do—or judge you. I’m just going to listen to you. Let you unburden yourself. I’ve found opening that door is the first step to healing.”

“Why is this so hard?” Erin asked, her voice trembling.

“Oh, my dear friend.” Kaely squeezed her hands gently. “Trust is so hard. Too many times that trust is betrayed. We become afraid that it will happen again.” She sighed. “Your experience with Scott made things so much worse.”

Scott. The man who told me he loved me and then cheated with the woman I thought was my friend? The man I watched die right in front of me? Begging for my help?

“You were dealing with that hurt when Scott was killed, and you’ve also had to deal with the little girl who died. It’s too much, Erin. Too much for anyone.”

“There were people on the force who tried to help me,” Erin said, wiping her face again. “But I felt worthless ... embarrassed for not being strong enough.”

“So you left everyone behind, not just because you couldn’t trust them, but because you couldn’t trust yourself.”

“I killed an innocent young girl. What kind of a police officer does that?” Erin realized she’d raised her voice. She looked down to see Chester staring at her, as if confused by her reaction. She reached down again and put her hand on his head. This time he didn’t pull away.

“Look, Erin,” Kaely said softly, “you didn’t murder anyone. It was an accident. Someone tried to kill you. You fired back. Why don’t you pretend it was someone else who fired that bullet? What if it had been Scott? Would you have told him he murdered someone?”

Kaely’s words made sense, but guilt still grabbed her heart with its cold, deadly hands and squeezed. If it wasn’t for her, little Sarah Foster would still be alive.

Kaely let go of Erin’s hands. “Look, let’s take Chester outside, then we’ll come back and talk, okay?” Kaely took a long leather belt and looped it around Chester’s collar. “Next chance we get, we need to get this guy a new collar. It’s pretty worn.”

“I’ll take him,” Erin said, reaching for the belt.

“Okay. I’ll warm up our chocolate—and our popcorn.” She smiled. “Your box of Mallomars is still on the table. Meet you in the living room in a few minutes.”

Erin nodded and led Chester to the front door. He seemed to be fine with the belt leash. Erin let it go while she put on her coat and then picked it up again. She opened the door, and they went outside. Erin didn’t want to wander too far from the house, especially since it was so cold and it was beginning to snow harder. Thankfully, Chester didn’t take long. They were headed back to the house when suddenly they were surrounded by the headlights of a vehicle that turned on its engine, backed up, and drove away from the house.