Page 8

Emma

I was spiraling by the time I was on the highway, now the post-sex euphoria has worn off, I feel foolish that I could have believed it meant anything to them. Mason’s harsh dismissal of me straight after tells me all I need to know. I literally threw myself at them. It wouldn’t have happened otherwise. They’ve made it perfectly clear they regretted it instantly. Sure, Jax has been sweet and said he doesn’t regret it, but I think he’s just doing that to allow me to maintain a scrap of dignity.

What must they think of me? And to top it all I got so caught up in what we’d been doing this afternoon that I lost track of time. Okay, no harm no foul, but what if I hadn’t realized it was time to leave?

Almost as if I’ve summoned up some karmic debt, the car engine makes a strange noise. “No, no, no!” I exclaim. There’s a grating sound and then I start to see smoke coming from the hood. Quickly pulling over to the shoulder I kill the engine and sit and stare at the dashboard as if it holds all the answers in the world. I experimentally try starting my car again—though what good that would do if it’s about to go up in flames, I don’t know—but there’s silence.

I pull my cell phone out of my purse and glance at the time, Max’s school is thirty minutes away and there’s no way I’ll get there in time to pick him up. I quickly call the school receptionist, but the line’s engaged.

“Damn it!” I exclaim. I try a few more times with no success.

In the end I do the only thing I can think of in this situation and call Jax. When he picks up, I breathe a sigh of relief as my words come out in a rush, “My car’s broken down, I’m not gonna be able to get Max, I can’t get in touch with the school, what am I gonna do?”

His voice is calm, “Don’t worry, just tell me where you are, and I’ll come with my truck. We’ll go get Max and the guys can arrange for your car to be towed. Just drop me a location pin, okay? I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Ending the call, I quickly sent him my location and sat on the verge waiting. I tried calling the school again, but I got nothing but the engaged tone. Thankfully, Jax turns up in record time and I jump in his truck.

“What kind of mother almost forgets her own son, a son who is already in danger, to have sex with three guys she barely knows? This is my punishment, isn’t it?”

“Don’t say that,” Jax says softly, and I realize that I’d spoken the thought out loud. “I’ve seen you with Max, you’re a great mom.”

“That’s sweet of you to say, but I don’t see how you can possibly think so, given the circumstances.”

He glances at me before returning his concentration to the road. “Emma, you’re allowed to have fun, to have a life and desires outside of being a mom. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. You didn’t forget him, you left in plenty of time, no one could have predicted your car would break down. I get the impression you’ve been putting Max and everyone else around you first for so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like to think about what you want. You shouldn’t punish yourself for being human.”

“Jax, someone is trying to kidnap my son. I don’t have the luxury of a life outside of that right now. Damn it!”

“What?” Jax asks.

“I still can’t get in touch with the school to tell them I’m running late.”

“You said yourself that the school won’t let him go home with anyone who’s not on the approved list. He’ll be there waiting for you. Anyway, if the school was concerned, don’t you think they’d have called by now? Surely no news is good news?” he reasons.

“I guess so. But I still feel like the world’s worst mom,” I reply glumly.

“Emma, trust me when I say this, I know what a bad mom looks like, and you are not it.”

He says this with such force of conviction that I don’t press the point. I sense there is something personal behind his words. He leans forward to absentmindedly rub his back, trying to scratch an itch he can’t quite reach.

“Let me,” I say without thinking, lifting up his shirt.

I gasp when I notice that his back is riddled with scars, deep straight lines, like those formed from a belt as well as small circular ones. The meaning behind his words then becomes clear.

“Oh my… Jax did…?” I don’t know how to ask, nor do I know if I should ask, how he got them.

“Yep, courtesy of dear old mom and the sick fucker she made me call Daddy gave me those. The cigarette burns are mom’s handiwork, my stepdad favored belts,” he says bitterly.

“Oh Jax… I’m so sorry,” I utter, imagining what he must have endured.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago.”

“Still, you don’t just get over something like that,” I say gently.

“No, you don’t,” he agrees, “But you can let it make you stronger. I don’t hide my scars. When I was a kid, Mom always made me cover up, even on a hot summer day by the pool, so no one could see that she wasn’t the good Christian woman she pretended to be.”

“So that’s why you’re topless a lot,” I say, surprised I hadn’t noticed them before now.

“Well, that and my killer bod,” he says with a cheeky grin, making me laugh and relieving the tension.

“Thank you for confiding that in me,” I say earnestly.

He shrugs, “Just don’t call yourself a bad mom again.”

“I won’t,” I say with a small smile.

Somehow, Jax has done the impossible and made me feel like all of this isn’t my fault. That maybe I’m not doing so badly with Max after all.

The horrid tightness in my chest dissipates slightly and I feel grateful that Jax is here with me. I’m still terrified for Max, but I hope that Jax is right, and my fears will prove to be unfounded.

“You and Max don’t deserve this, you know.”

I shrug, “Max certainly doesn’t. But I don’t know, it’s seeming increasingly likely this has something to do with my dead husband’s debts. Which if it is, then I’m not wholly innocent.”

“How so?” he asks, a small frown appearing on his handsome face.

“I should have left Max’s dad long before he died. Then whatever financial troubles he got himself into would be his problem alone.”

Jax shakes his head, “I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that, loan sharks are nasty bastards, and they’ll go after anyone close to the person who owes them if they think they’ll pay. Ex-wife, widow, it’s all the same to them. Max is still his son.” A thought occurs to him, and he looks at me curiously, “That makes me wonder. If your husband’s family isn’t in on it, perhaps they’re also being harassed. Have you spoken to them?”

I shake my head, “Not recently, no, but you’re right it’s worth a shot. I’ll call them later when we get back.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, why didn’t you? Leave your husband, that is,” Jax asks.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. There was no one reason, more an accumulation of things. I got married and had Max when I was only nineteen. I was scared to raise Max alone and Adam could be very manipulative. He'd convince me he'd changed and for a while, he would, but then inevitably he’d drink and gamble worse than before. When he did, he took it out on me, not physically, but emotionally. My self-confidence was so low he made me believe no one would ever love me like he did.”

“You know that’s just bullshit assholes say to keep a woman they know is too good for them?”

I chuckle lightly, “You’re a lot sweeter than I expected.”

“As pie,” he retorts with a mischievous grin.

“So have you ever had someone in your life you thought maybe you could spend the rest of it with? Or has settling down never been something you wanted?” I ask boldly.

“Nope. Not that I’m against the idea. There were a couple of women I thought maybe things coulda worked out that way with when I was younger, but it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Why not?” I say, curiosity getting the better of me.

“The biker lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I didn’t want to give it up, and honestly, they were jealous of the bond I have with the guys, not just Mason and Ty, but the whole club. It’s a brotherhood, a family. They didn’t get that they would have to share me,” he explains.

“Like how you shared me earlier with Ty and Mason?” I ask cheekily.

He chuckles softly, “Not quite like that. Though color me impressed with your ability to share.”

The brief distraction and flirty banter between us are immediately forgotten as we pull into the town where Max’s school is. My heart starts to race as we approach the building. As we pull into the completely deserted parking lot fear and panic start to set in.

“It’s empty. Oh my god, Jax, it’s empty! Where is he?” I cry out in anguish.

“Maybe someone is waiting inside with him,” Jax says, though we both know that’s unlikely.

“All of the lights are off and there are no cars in the lot!”

“Maybe one of the teachers takes the bus,” he says, “Come on, let’s try the doors.”

We get out and I run over to the doors, pulling on them and banging on windows and doors like a madwoman but it only confirms what I already know.

“He’s gone.”