Page 10

Emma

T oday has been a whirlwind of emotions, to put it mildly. I went from having the most out-of-this-world, mind-blowing sex with not one but three, super-hot guys—who are expressly forbidden, making it all the more naughty—to then having my pride wounded by Mason’s harsh dismissal, followed by the sheer terror of losing Max, then utter relief of finding him safe. I feel completely exhausted, both mentally and physically. Jax has been a rock to cling to throughout this nightmare, his strong presence and lighthearted jokes even in the most horrible of situations helped me hold on.

While I wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in bed with Max by my side, no way am I letting him out of my sight tonight, Jax’s offer of dinner turned out to be a welcome moment of normalcy. Max is having so much fun with Jax playing and goofing around with him and I feel like I finally let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Besides, it's helping me to delay the inevitable awkward encounter that’s about to happen.

Seeing Mason and Ty again is going to be unbearably awkward. I’ve no idea how I should act. Obviously, Jax and I haven’t been able to discuss what happened earlier. First, our focus was on finding Max and now he’s been with us the whole time, so we haven’t exactly been able to discuss what to do following our impromptu foursome. It’s not like this is a scenario I’ve been in before, or anyone else I know of, for that matter.

“So, what’s Jessica’s deal? Like how did you become friends?” Jax asks, tucking into an egg roll.

Max is happily digging into his plate of egg rolls, dumplings, and fried rice, paying little attention to the adults. Mason chose a Chinese restaurant for dinner, much to Jax’s surprise. It makes me proud that my little man enjoys trying new foods and isn’t a fussy eater.

“She was Adam’s friend, really. They grew up here together and went to the same school Max and her kids now go to. Jacob and I moved here when I was sixteen, that’s when I met Adam. He was sweet, he knew I was new in town and had no friends, I was painfully shy, so he was kind to me, my only friend. Jessica didn’t pay much attention to me to start with, I was just this kid who Adam chatted to occasionally. But then when I was almost eighteen our friendship became something more and by nineteen, I was pregnant with Max.”

Jax raises his eyebrow in clear disapproval, but he doesn’t say anything about me and Adam. Instead, he says, “I’m surprised your brother didn’t kill him.”

“Oh, I think he would have if he’d known more. By the time he realized we were dating it was too late, Jacob was in jail for some stupid bar fight. I was eighteen and alone. When Jacob got out, I was pregnant and engaged. He certainly wasn’t happy and made sure Adam knew what would happen if he hurt me. But the damage was done. We got married and moved away shortly after Max was born, to San Diego. We didn’t see much of Jessica or my brother after that. I think Jacob was probably one of the reasons why Adam wanted to move so badly, he didn’t want my overprotective brother breathing down his neck,” I say with a shrug, taking a bite of orange chicken.

“Seems like you could have used overprotective. Given how things turned out,” Jax grunts.

I glance at Max, making sure he’s not listening too intently, he’s merrily kicking his legs and chowing down still, humming to himself happily while he eats.

“Yes. There are a lot of things about my life with Adam I wish were different. But I don’t regret it. Max is the greatest gift life ever gave me, I wouldn’t change a single thing if it meant I wouldn’t have him in my life.”

“You’re a great mom,” Jax says, smiling at me and leaning over the table to squeeze my hand, looking as surprised as I am by the gesture before quickly pulling it back. He clears his throat, taking a sip of his drink, “So why did you move back here?”

“I didn’t have any friends in San Diego, and after Adam died, there was nothing for me there anymore. I’d never been happy there. I don’t really have friends here either I suppose, but Jacob was here. He’s the only close family Max and I have left, it seemed right. When we got back, and Max started school I became reacquainted with Jessica. She’s been a godsend, helping out with Max.”

Jax grunts disapprovingly, “And I’m sure she never lets you forget that.”

“She’s just old fashioned sometimes, thinks that women should stay at home to care for the kids,” I say defending her, even though I know Jax has a point.

“Well, not all women have the luxury, do they.”

“Mommy, I’m full, can I get dessert?” Max interrupts our conversation.

“Eat some more of your broccoli, then you can.”

Max pulls a face and looks at Jax for back up. Jax holds up his hands, “Don’t look at me kiddo, do as your mom says!” he says with a grin.

After we’ve finished our meals, which Jax insisted on paying for, we can no longer put off going home. Jax has kept the guys informed of what’s happened, so they don’t worry about where we’ve gone. But they’ll no doubt question why we’re taking so long if we stay out longer, the last thing we need is them riding in here, guns blazing thinking there’s a problem. So reluctantly, we load back into the truck and head home.

***

Once we get to the safehouse, I’m hoping I can just avoid speaking to Mason altogether and go straight to bed, using Max as my excuse. However, luck isn’t on my side today since I notice my brother’s motorcycle, gleaming in all its glory parked in the driveway as we pull up. Great, the last thing I need is my brother noticing something’s off between the guys and me and figuring out what happened.

Jax and I exchange nervous glances—clearly, he’s thinking the same thing. “I take it Jacob didn’t tell you he was coming tonight?” I ask.

“Nope…”

“Well, let’s hope it’s just a random house visit. He may actually kill you guys otherwise,” I joke. At Jax’s stricken expression, I add, “I’m kidding. Or at least, I hope I am.”

“You’re not going to…”

“Heck no! Trust me, the less he knows the better,” I reply, glancing back at Max, grateful that he’s nodded off. Kids this age are like sponges, the last thing we need is him repeating something he overheard.

Jax nods, relieved, before looking back at Max. “Want me to carry him in for you?”

I shake my head, “It’s okay I can do it.”

Jax looks at me skeptically, eyebrow raised. “Emma you gotta be one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. Let me help. Please.”

“Fine.”

We get out of the car and Jax lifts Max out of his seat with ease, Max stirs slightly before settling back to sleep, his cheek resting on Jax’s shoulder. The second we open the door Jacob comes running over, the guys close behind.

“Where the hell have you been? Do you care to explain what the fuck happened today?” Jacob demands, scowling at me.

“Shh, Jacob, Max is sleeping,” I reply, trying to buy time and wondering if ‘what happened’ refers to me being late to collect Max, or we’ve got bigger problems, and it means he knows about me and the guys. “We told you, we went for dinner on the way home from collecting Max from Jessica’s.”

“Why didn’t you call me, Emma? And why the hell didn’t you take all the guys with you to look for Max if you thought he was missing?” he hisses, lowering his voice.

I resolutely ignore Mason’s penetrating gaze as it bores into me, no doubt willing me to stay silent, Ty remains stoic and unreadable. I meet my brother’s eyes.

“Because I didn’t know anything was wrong. When I broke down, I called Jax to see if he could help, and he offered to drive me to the school. For all I knew, he was perfectly safe and sound still at school, and when we got there, he was gone. But before we panicked and called the cavalry, we’d did the logical thing and checked if Jessica had him. As it turns out that was the right thing to do as he was fine, and the school had simply forgot to inform me.”

I’m totally lying, of course, I was convinced that something bad had happened, but Jacob doesn’t need to know how bad it could have been.

“You still should have all gone,” he grumbles, but he knows what I said makes sense.

“Jacob, it was just a normal school pickup, we can’t all go every time. It would arouse attention and no doubt concern from other parents if Max got picked up by his mom and three bikers each day,” I say rolling my eyes at him.

“I guess you’re right. The last thing I want is people getting the wrong impression and thinking my baby sister is shacking up with three dudes,” Jacob says, as though the notion is ridiculous and beyond his comprehension to be something that could possibly happen.

Shit. He is going to blow a gasket if he ever finds out.

“Haha, yeah, right!” Jax laughs, a little too loudly if you ask me, pretending the suggestion is crazy.

If looks could kill, Jax would drop down dead from the side-eye Mason shoots him.

“Right, well, I need to get this little one up to bed and then I’m gonna take a long bath and then get into bed and relax, too,” I say, wanting to change the subject and get out of there as fast as I can. “Good to see you Jacob,” I add giving him a peck on the cheek.

If anyone thinks it’s odd that I’m going to bed before nine pm, they don’t raise it. Probably because the guys don’t want me around them any more than I want to be and my brother would like to believe I’m always in bed early, like a good pious and celibate girl.

“I’ll bring him up for you,” Jax says quietly, nodding to a still-sleeping Max in his arms.

I nod and allow him to carry Max upstairs to his bedroom. I should wake him for bathtime and brush his teeth, but he looks so peaceful that I don’t have the heart to. I’ll be sure to wake him early for a bath and make him brush his teeth for longer in the morning, I decide.

“Thanks, Jax, for everything. I don’t know how I would have coped tonight without you,” I whisper.

Jax shrugs, “It was no trouble. I had fun, despite the panic over Max that is. He’s a great kid, and you’re a brilliant mom, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise,” he says in a rare moment of sincerity.

I wait a moment, expecting some sort of joke, I’m learning this is how he handles serious moments, but none comes. So I just smile at him, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Thanks.”

“Goodnight, Emma,” he says with one final lingering look that makes me feel hot and bothered and start thinking about our sex earlier before he gently closes the door behind him, and I hear his footsteps receding away.

I tiptoe out of the room, quietly heading to the room next door to fetch some of my things. I try to avoid looking at ‘the scene of the crime’, my bed still crumpled and clothes from earlier scattered around. I quickly grab some pajamas, my towel, makeup remover, and my toothbrush and toothpaste from the small ensuite. I also grab my book from the bedside table. I’m going to soak in the tub which is in the main bathroom, my ensuite only has a small shower.

After drawing myself a hot bubble bath, I slide into it, allowing the warm water to soothe my tight muscles, still tense from the stress of the day. Between my thighs feels deliciously tender from the hours of sex. My nipples poke out through the bubbles and, unbidden, the memory of them being teased by Mason, his beard scratching along my skin, pops into my mind. I absentmindedly caress myself, closing my eyes and picturing their hands, mouths, and bodies entwining with mine. It was the single most incredible sexual experience of my life. I felt on top of the world, like a total sex goddess. That is until Mason opened his big mouth afterward. That memory snaps me out of my reverie.

Fucking Mason.

If having sex with me was such a huge disappointment that he regretted it instantly, then he should never have done it. We’re all consenting adults. Any one of us could have walked away or stopped it at any time. Yet we didn’t. We made a choice. He doesn’t get to pretend he’s better or gets to decide now what we should have done.

Jax doesn’t seem to think it was such a terrible mistake.

I wish I knew what the hell Ty thought, but I’ve no clue.

So why is it Mason’s opinion that’s bugging me?

Do I think he’s right?

Do I regret what happened?

I ponder this for a moment. By all accounts with how women are taught to behave when it comes to sex, I should feel regret, even shame. Yet I don’t. Given the chance, I’d do it again, even if it might be a reckless and crazy idea. I can’t deny the fact that I enjoyed it and that I find all three of them attractive, even pigheaded Mason.

Is it so wrong for me to enjoy some sexual pleasure?

I sigh and sink down underneath the bubbles, enjoying the echoing distorted sounds of the house around me for a moment before coming back up. Deciding I need a distraction, I dry my hands and open my book, turning to the page I was last on.

It’s only when the water is cold that I realize I’ve been reading for a while. I love how books can transport you away from your worries into another world, if only temporarily. Marking my place, I put the book down and climb out of the tub, wrapping the big fluffy towel around me and brushing my teeth before putting on my pajamas, a Chinese silk pair I got from Jessica for my bachelorette party. She was my maid of honor, as I had no other real friends and Adam forced the issue.

As I head out into the corridor, I can hear the sounds of the guys talking downstairs. When I realize it’s about me, I can’t resist the urge to eavesdrop and I creep halfway down the steps, straining to hear them.

Whoever warned that listening into people’s private conversations means you’re likely to hear something you don’t like was completely right.