Page 23

Emma

T he sound of motorcycles starting pulls me from my fitful sleep. The clock on my bedside table tells me it’s twenty minutes past two in the morning. I’ve not been sleeping well since Max was taken from me. What little sleep I do get is plagued with nightmares so for a moment, I wonder if the sound was simply a dream. But then the flash of lights and the sound of the engines rumbling quietly confirm I’m not imagining things.

I pad over to the window, wondering if it’s perhaps Jacob coming over late or the guys heading out, though why they would need to in the middle of the night I don’t know. I spot two figures on bikes riding away. Only Ty’s motorcycle remains in the driveway so it must be Jax and Mason. Immediately I feel sick with worry, surely something bad must have happened? What if it’s Max?

I try to remain calm and not panic, hoping there’s a reasonable explanation. Surely if Kane and his men had gotten to Max they would have woken and told me and Ty too?

It’s been three days since I’ve seen my little boy, but it feels like an eternity. I spend my days listlessly moping around the house waiting for the five-minute supervised phone call I’m allowed with Max. Hearing his voice is the only bright spot in my dark days. I’ve been trying to convince myself that he seems happy and with all of the attention on Max, Kane and his men are unlikely to be able to get near without being spotted. But what if they’ve snuck into Jessica’s house and stolen him from his bed? You hear horrible stories of that happening to children. What if tonight is the night that Kane has finally come to take my little boy away from me?

I can’t quell the hysteria and panic that begins to rise inside of me and, not knowing what else to do, I head out of my room and toward Ty’s. I rap my knuckles on the door lightly at first then harder when there’s no response. I don’t even hesitate before turning the doorknob and heading inside. Ty is fast asleep on his front, the blankets thrown off him. He sleeps naked so his bare body is revealed in all its glory, strong yet vulnerable in sleep, like a sleeping lion. Normally I’d admire the sight of his firm ass but I’m too worried to even think about it.

“Ty,” I hiss, “Ty wake up!” he doesn’t respond, only stirring, turning over so I can see his semi-erect penis, clearly, he’s not having bad dreams. “Ty,” I say louder this time, going over to shake his shoulder gently so as not to startle him.

“Emma?” he says groggily as he blinks awake looking confused. “What are you doing in here?”

“Sorry to wake you but Mason and Jax just left and it’s the middle of the night. I’m worried that something’s happened to Max. Why else would they go out so late? Why wouldn’t they tell me?” I start to ramble.

“Shh, Emma, calm down, I’m sure it has nothing to do with Max. Did they text you?” he says soothingly.

“No, can you check your phone?” I ask hopefully.

He does as I ask, the glow from the phone illuminating his handsome face. He rubs a hand over the stubble on his jaw.

“Nothing,” he says shaking his head.

“Oh god! What does that mean?” I say starting to pace.

“Calm down Emma. It probably means that they didn’t want to wake us if our phones weren’t on silent. Chances are they’ve left a note downstairs for us to find in the morning,” he reasons.

Without saying anything I immediately run downstairs to check. Sure enough, there’s a note on the kitchen table. I race back upstairs to Ty’s room. He’s sat up in bed having turned on the bedside light and pulled the sheets up to cover him from the waist down.

“Told you,” he says with a nod toward the piece of paper I’m holding. “What does it say?”

“J-Bird called me and Jax out on a mission to intercept a Hell Rider deal and hit back hard. Ty, I will update you with more info when I know and keep you posted. Don’t come after us this time. Emma, do as you’re told and stay put for once,” I read the note aloud smirking slightly at Mason’s bossiness.

“Well, there you have it it’s an Iron Serpent Hell Riders matter. It’s nothing to do with Max. Max is fine. And we’re to stay put,” Ty says with a small smile back at me.

I can’t shake the concern I feel for Max, I was so certain something had gone wrong. Ty must sense my confusion and inner turmoil as he continues to reason with me.

“Surely if something had happened to Max, you’d be the one to hear about it first? Jess wouldn’t hide it from you, would she? And since she’s with him, and you’re his mom, no matter what she or the authorities would call you, not J-Bird or the guys.”

“You’re right,” I reply, letting out a deep breath. “Not that I like the sound of the guys going on a mission in the middle of the night against the Hell Riders either,” I add.

Ty shrugs, his lack of concern helping to ease my worries. “It’s not that uncommon, motorcycle clubs don’t exactly keep sociable hours.”

I hover there, uncertain of what to say or do. “I’m sorry I woke you up,” I land on, feeling a little embarrassed at how hysterical I got.

“Don’t be.”

“How are you always so calm and collected?” I ask scrutinizing his calm expression and relaxed body language which hasn’t changed the whole time we’ve been speaking.

“Years of practice at hiding how I feel on the inside,” he replies candidly, his eyes meeting mine and holding my gaze.

“Right well… I guess I’ll let you go back to sleep. Sorry again… for well… you know…” I mutter awkwardly.

Despite the fact we’ve had sex together and done all kinds of things, somehow, it’s only just dawning on me how vulnerable someone is naked and asleep. How intimate it is to share that with someone, to allow them into your bedroom.

“I don’t feel tired now, and I know you won’t go back to sleep,” he says knowingly.

“No, probably not, at least not for a long while, I’m too worked up and worried now,” I reply truthfully.

“You can get in bed with me if you like,” he offers carefully, his voice sounding as though he wouldn’t mind either way whatever I reply.

I hesitate for a moment, somehow feeling more exposed in just my silk nightgown than when I’ve been naked in front of him. “Okay,” I say, climbing in next to him, feeling the warmth radiating from his body and the softness of his sheets.

We lie there side by side, neither of us touching the other but it feels as though there’s an invisible current connecting us. Ty lies back and places his hands under his head, looking up at the ceiling, seemingly unbothered by the silence and content not to speak unless I want to. I study him, the strong jaw highlighted by stubble, the muscled lines of his arms, the tufts of hairs in his armpits, and the well-defined obliques, shown off in this new angle.

Though I’ve seen him naked plenty of times, like this I can properly study his tattoos. Like the others, there are some snakes incorporated into the designs, and he has one of the club logo, he is an Iron Serpent after all. He also has a name on his side.

“Who’s Danielle? The one that got away?” I ask teasingly.

He stiffens, looking uncomfortable and I worry I’ve asked the wrong thing. If he’s got this person’s name tattooed on him, they were obviously very important to him at one time in his life, or still are. Maybe he’s still in love with this woman. The thought hurts me, and I feel a sharp stab of envy for whoever this Danielle is.

Not wanting to force him to answer I quickly add, “Sorry, that was nosy of me, you don’t need to tell me. It’s not like this… well whatever this thing between us, you, me, Mason, and Jax, is serious to you… For all I know you’ve got a partner to go back to and this is just some fun while we’re stuck here…” I babble.

He turns to study me, his eyes boring into me. “Is that what you think? That I would be unfaithful and lie to you about it?” he doesn’t seem hurt, merely curious.

“No, of course not,” I rush to explain. “I mean… you could be in an open relationship or just not looking for anything serious, so you don’t want to get too personal, keep things casual.”

“Is that what you think I want? Something casual?” he asks turning to his side and propping himself up on one elbow.

I mirror his body language doing the same. “I don’t know… You’re kinda hard to read. I never really know what you’re thinking,” I admit.

He smiles without showing his teeth with a soft, silent chuckle. “So I’ve been told. But if you had to describe the way I am toward you, or how you think I feel about you and this situation, what would you say?”

I’m caught off guard by his directness and naked curiosity. “Umm… well I don’t know, I suppose I sometimes feel like you can be… distant?” I suggest.

He nods taking on my words. “Yes, I suppose I can appear that way.”

“Why?” I ask softly.

“I find it hard to let people in, to know who to trust, and most of the time I prefer to watch and figure people out. First impressions aren’t always accurate.”

“That’s true,” I agree. “What was your first impression of me?” I decide to ask, fearing his candid honesty might sting a little, my eyes dropping down away from his shyly.

He reaches over and touches my chin gently, tilting it back up to meet his gaze. “I thought you were beautiful and a little bit broken, that something or someone had made you think you were anything short of incredible.”

My breath hitches with surprise at his words, so heartfelt and romantic yet also accurate and tragic. He sees me as some weak, broken thing, like a bird with a broken wing.

“Is that why you’re so distant with me? Why you haven’t tried to get to know me as much as the others and keep me at arm's length? Because you’re scared of breaking me completely? That I’m too fragile?” I ask boldly, trying to prove I’m not as fragile as he might think.

“You’re the strongest person I know, Emma.”

“Then what is it? Is it that you don’t want to be involved with a single mom? I get it. It’s a lot to have someone else’s kid in your life. You’re distant with Max, too,” I add.

Both Mason and Jax dote on Max and have made it clear they don’t care that he comes first, that I’m a mom. In fact, it seems that it’s one of the things they like the most about me. Ty is remote by comparison, he is kind and patient with Max and treats him respectfully, but like he does with me, he seems hesitant to let him in.

“No. Max is a great kid. Any guy would be lucky to have you and him in their life. I’ve been distant because I’m afraid of getting hurt. You’re not the only glass with a chip,” he says softly, his dark eyes sad. He pauses for a moment, rolling onto his back, hands clasped together on his chest, and I think that he’s going to withdraw back into himself, that this shared moment of vulnerability and openness will disappear. But then he finally speaks.

“Danielle is, was, my daughter. She died,” he chokes the words out, not looking at me.

“Oh, my… oh Ty I’m so, so sorry,” I say softly my heart breaking for him.

“It was a long time ago, almost ten years. She was a little younger than Max is now when she died,” he explains his voice thick with emotion.

“I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to lose a child. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…” I stammer uncertain of how to respond or if I should touch him or not.

I tentatively reach out and place my hand on top of his. To my relief, he doesn’t move it away.

“Her mom and I were young when we had her, barely out of high school. I was working two jobs to pay the bills and put food on the table in the shitty apartment we lived in. Then Danielle’s mom cheated on me, moved in with some gangbanger, real trouble. I tried to tell her it wasn’t a safe place for a little girl to grow up, and that Danielle could stay with me, but she threatened to keep her from me. For a while I put up with it, only seeing my little girl on the weekends, but when I heard about the types of people around that house and the wild parties they had, I started legal proceedings to sue for full custody. But I was broke, and it was a slow process,” he pauses for a moment, lost in the memory his eyes watering slightly.

“It was my day to have Danielle, but when I turned up at her mom’s house they weren’t there. I was a little late and still wearing my uniform from my shift working as a delivery driver. I assumed Danielle’s mom had taken her out to the park or somewhere just to tell me off for being late. After it started to get dark, and they still weren’t back I went and spoke to some neighbors who told me they’d gone to a cookout being held by the gang. I knew how drunk and wild those parties got, they were no place for a little girl, so I got back in my car and drove around the neighborhood looking for them. When I saw the flashing blue lights, I knew something terrible had happened…” Ty gulps as though struggling for air.

“It’s okay, take your time,” I soothe, feeling with every fiber of my being as a mother how hard it must be for him to recall all this. The thought of losing Max makes me feel sick.

“There’d been a drive-by shooting. A rival gang. No one knew how it happened, or no one would admit to not watching her, but somehow Danielle had gotten in the way and been shot. She died on the scene.”

“Ty, I’m so sorry,” I say, moving in closer to hold him. He pulls me in closer, wrapping one arm around me and holding me tight. “Did they catch who did it?”

“Yes, though that didn’t make it any better. The police were aware of the gang's growing violence and turned a blind eye. The person who fired the shots was just a kid himself who was put up to it as part of an initiation. He went to juvie, his life was ruined by it too. It’s the adults, both members of the gangs involved that I blame, and my ex. She should never have taken her there, and someone should have been watching Danielle. When the shooting started, they all fled and ran for cover, leaving a little girl to fend for herself,” he says bitterly before adding. “Danielle was the only casualty. The papers and the cops didn’t care. If she’d been from a ‘good’ family there’d have been uproar, but as her mom was involved with one of the gang members, it was seen as bad parenting, and she was quickly forgotten.”

“I can’t imagine how awful that must have been. How awful it still is,” I say tears glistening in my eyes.

“I was in a dark place for a long time, the Iron Serpents helped save me, in more ways than one. I was reluctant at first, worried they were just another gang, but I quickly realized how different they were from the mindless thugs I’d known. They’re a family, a brotherhood. I know it might not seem like it to you, but it’s rare that there’s ever violence between the club and other clubs. It’s only because of this new leader of the Hell Riders that things have been escalating.”

“I feel like I’m starting to understand the Iron Serpents a lot more now. No wonder you’ve kept your distance. It must be so painful for you to be around me and Max.”

He tilts my head up to look at him with his free hand. “No. It hasn’t been. I’ve felt the happiest I’ve ever been since Danielle died while we’ve been here, because of you and Max. That’s what I’m afraid of. That I’ll lose you both too.”

“You won’t,” I promise, softly kissing him on the lips.

I feel as though something palpably shifts between us, that we’ve finally breached the invisible line dividing us and when he returns my kiss, perhaps as hungry to forget the world for a moment as I am, I allow myself to let go.