Page 101 of Shame the Devil

“Sort of orange-sized. Starting to look like a teeny little person.” She hesitated, then added, “There’s a test they do. A blood test, besides the one we did, since I’ll be thirty-five when the baby’s born, which means I’m higher risk. I got the results of that this week, too.”

He got a jolt of alarm right down his body. A visceral thing, like lightning crackling in the air. “What? Something’s wrong?”

Wait. That would be good, wouldn’t it? This was too complicated, and he didn’t do complicated. He did simple. If she couldn’t have the baby after all—that would solve all his problems. So why didn’t it feel like that? Why did he feel like his heart had stopped?

“No,” she said, and there her hand was, right over his where it rested on that round little belly. “Everything’s right. It’s a genetic test. For chromosomes and … everything.”

“Oh.” It took a second to sink in. The relief, and the realization. “Oh. You mean they can tell the sex.”

“Yeah.”

“You probably wanted one of those parties or something. Got cheated out of it again.”

She smiled again. “No. I wouldn’t even know how. I’m just … regular, you know? Not too good at that kind of thing. I don’t want to be some princess. I just want to wear tighter things again. To be able to feel pregnant. To be able tosayI’m pregnant, and show it off. Not to feel ashamed of it.”

That was another hard twist of his heart. She shouldn’t have had to be ashamed, and it shouldn’t be happening now. And then he realized what she’d said. “So do you know what it is?”

He had no idea why he was holding his breath. It was stupid.

“Yes.” She still had her hand over his, curved over that bump, and it was warm. “He’s a boy.”

41

Friends

A boy.

He was still for a long, long time, and then he felt the sigh from deep inside her, and she said, “Harlan.” Turning on the bed so she could get both hands on his face, looking into his eyes. “You can be a good father to a boy. You can be agreatfather. You’re going to know how.” She leaned forward and kissed his mouth, nothing but gentle. “I know it. I’m sure.”

“I’m …” He couldn’t think of what to say. He had no clue.

“You’re scared,” she said. “I’m scared, too.” She laughed, just a breath. “You bet I am. But that’s normal. It’s a big thing, a baby. A big responsibility. You do so many things wrong, even while you think you’re doing your very best. Being scared just says you take it seriously. That you want to do it right.”

Wait. This was what he’d come here for. He said, “That’s the only thing I know. That I need to do some things right. Starting with taking care of you.”

“You don’t have to take care of me,” she said, because of course she did. She took her hands away, too. Straightened her dress. Got ready to be efficient and cheerful again. “And don’t tell me your lawyer’s advising you to say things like that, because I won’t believe it. He’s told you to keep your distance from me. Talked about implied promises. Told you that—”

“Stop.”

It was just a word, but she jumped, so he softened his tone. “Look. I don’t care what my lawyer says. I had a lousy dad. I don’t have a clue how to do this thing right, but I’m pretty sure you start by taking care of the mom. So that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Exactly what are you suggesting?” she asked. “I’m working. I’m fine. Or not exactlyfine,but I’ll do it. I’ll find a way.”

“I don’t want you to find a way!” It came out too harsh, and she jumped again. He sighed. “Look. If you’re going to be living in Portland, I want you and Dyma with me. Well, I want you with me anyway. That’s the right thing, and it’s what I want. And I was glad when I found out the baby was mine. I was scared as hell, but I was glad, too. That’s what I came up here to tell you. And I think you should move in.”

She reared back. She did more than that. She stood up. “That’s …”

“Wait,” he said. “Hear me out. I’ve got a big place. Well, you’ve seen it. It’s got guest quarters above the garage. Little kitchen in there and everything.”

“I’m going to live above your garage.” She had her arms crossed now, which wasn’t a good sign. “Sure those aren’t the maid’s quarters?”

“Fine. Then how about this? I move you in all the way. You can have your own bedroom, or even better, I move you into mine. I see what you need, and I give it to you. Every single day.”

“Uh-huh.” She was looking at him narrow-eyed. “Like … clothes?”

“Well, hell, yeah, clothes. And anything else you need.”

“Like, for instance … an orgasm?”