Page 28 of Shadow’s Protection (Hurricane Heat MC #1)

I suck him all the way into my mouth and use both hands, one to circle his shaft and the other to gently cup his balls. I lift the weight of his sack and stroke the tender seam just underneath. He bucks hard and gasps, working his hips so his cock goes even deeper into my mouth.

I have to make an effort to stifle the impulse to gag, but I quickly recover.

My mouth floods with saliva, and I use it to slick my tongue all over the head of his cock.

I jerk him off with one hand while I cup his balls and suck him deep.

The whole world fades to darkness as I slam my eyes shut and focus on his pleasure.

I want to feel the moment when he loses control, when he chases that bliss to the edge and then dives, dives, dives.

“Violet…baby…sweet…fuck…”

He pants and curses, dropping f-bombs, his hands splayed out beside him on the bed. I love it. Love that I can bring this to him. Give him this intensity. I want to remember it, how this feels, him losing control and giving everything he is over to me.

I don’t ever remember giving someone oral sex before coming close to this.

My mouth is wet, drooling with the size of him, my lips and jaw tightening with exhaustion, and yet, I suck and bob my head, lost to a frenzy of my own making.

I want to pull the arousal from his body, force it into my mouth, and taste it. I want to drink him down.

I feel both dirty and excited, my body thrumming with life and need. I have to ignore the throb between my legs because there is no way I’m moving my hands to touch myself. I’ll take care of myself later. Right now, I’m one with Shadow, part of the moment and pleasure and pain that makes this us .

Then, I feel it. His body tightens and his breathing changes.

I don’t stop.

I double down on the movements—sucking, licking, squeezing, jerking—and he roars, bellows like the shadow king he is, as he climaxes in my mouth.

I don’t want to choke, don’t want to gag, but I’ve never swallowed anyone before.

I feel like a goddess. I did this for him.

I made him feel so good, he’s literally exploding inside my mouth.

I have to hold back a smile as he thrusts and spurts until, finally, my mouth is so full, I need to lift my head or I’ll spit his semen all over his belly.

I pull my mouth away and swallow fast. I breathe in deep through my nose and wipe my mouth, but Shadow pulls me on top of him and kisses me, his tongue against mine. The fact that he wants to taste himself on me is more than I can handle. I whimper and wriggle my hips against him.

He doesn’t say anything, just kisses me, tastes me as his heart rate slows. After what feels like ten minutes but is probably only two, he growls at me. “On your back.”

I do as he asks, lying down and settling the pillows behind my head.

“I’m not gonna stop until you come at least five times,” he says. “So, how do you wanna do this?”

I moan in anticipation and close my eyes. “I don’t want to think,” I tell him. “Just take me, Shadow. Take me however you want me.”

He lowers himself between my legs and plunges his tongue deep inside me.

No ceremony, no shyness, I grab his head and hold it firmly against me.

He licks me from the tip of my clit to deep in my core, scratching my lips with the soft hairs of his beard.

It’s delicious, erotic, tickling, and perfect all at the same time.

I can’t believe how fast I’m coming, but I’ve been primed and ready since I took him in my mouth.

I come fast and hard against his mouth, wetting his chin with my juices.

He licks his lips, then reaches past for me a condom.

He slides it on in record time, and then—somehow already hard again—he enters me fully in one long, deep thrust. He holds his weight up and fucks me hard—a desperate, needy bang that has the mattress smashing against the wall behind us. I don’t care.

He could open the bedroom door and scream my name for all I care. Shadow is mine, and all of this, for now, is mine for the taking.

We have sex so many times, Shadow runs out of condoms. It must be a sign.

He offers to go out to the GTO for more, but I don’t think either one of us is going to be able to walk tomorrow.

I must have burned thousands of calories in his bed, and I’m sweaty, sticky, and exhausted when I finally snuggle up behind him, my face against his bare shoulder, and fall asleep.

I wake in the early morning. Shadow is snoring lightly, his back to me. My face is still resting against him, my arm tucked under his.

I can’t believe I slept like this all night, but somehow, with Shadow, time and fears and insomnia and tossing and turning are foreign concepts. With him, all I feel is comfort.

As quietly as I can, I pull my arm from under his and tiptoe into the bathroom. I shower and use the toilet, brush my teeth, and collect my toiletries. His vanity looks bare without my stuff beside his.

I pull on the same clothes I wore yesterday and towel-dry my hair.

I have to laugh when I look in the bathroom trash.

I don’t even want to know how many condoms we used the last couple of days.

I counted at least four last night alone.

If there’s any consolation in my leaving like this, maybe it’s that he won’t be able to sleep with anyone else right away. At least not until he shops for more.

I shake my head and stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. It’s stupid to even think this way. Shadow has more condoms in the GTO, and I’m sure every guy here has his own supply. If Shadow wants another woman once I’m gone, I can’t let myself cry over it.

I’m not his.

I never was.

Never could be.

I try to remind myself of that when I tiptoe past his sleeping form and pick up my bag. I turn to look back at him, and it happens. I let my eyes burn a second before I swipe the tears away, and then I turn very quietly and twist the knob.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Shadow is out of bed, his hand on my arm, before I can even open the door.

He’s naked, and it takes all my resolve not to tackle him, climb back into bed, and go back to sleep. To forget there is a world outside this compound that I have to get back to.

“I didn’t want to say goodbye,” I say, my voice breaking.

“So, don’t,” he says. His voice is low, and I can’t make out what he’s feeling.

Then it hits me.

I want to stay.

“Do you want to put on some pants?” I ask, taking in every inch of his naked body. I laugh to try to cover my emotions, but his face is an unreadable mask.

“No,” he says. “Sit.”

I sit on the couch beside him, and God love him, he plops his bare behind right down next to me. This might be the only time I’ve seen him naked when he wasn’t erect. I know the feeling. My heart feels like it’s dropped from my chest to the soles of my feet. I can’t even look him in the eye.

“Should I pay the club for the food or the shelter?” I ask. “The drinks, even. We pretty much polished off a whole bottle of whiskey.”

He grunts. “No.”

I lace my fingers together and look down at my hands. “I don’t know how to thank you, Shadow. You took me in when I was terrified. When I had no place to go. Then you made me feel not just safe, but welcome. And Clive…”

I meet his eyes helplessly. “How can I thank you enough? I can’t ever repay all this.”

He doesn’t say anything, just stares at me. My heart plummets even further, probably lower than the bottom of my feet now.

I just wish he’d tell me how he feels. What he wants. Does he want me to stay? Does he want more?

“You have my number in your phone, right?” I ask weakly.

He nods. “And you have mine. Anytime you need an orgasm, a drink, anything, you know how to reach me.”

I don’t need orgasms and drinks. What I think I need is him. I don’t say that, though. I’m an unemployed librarian, and he’s a biker. A badass. An ex-con. He’s a lot of things. But what he’s not is mine. No matter how I wish he were.

“Will you walk me out?” I ask.

He looks at me as if he’s fighting back words. I wish he’d say them. I want to know how he feels, what he needs. But he just gets up and slips on a pair of sweats. He slides his feet into motorcycle boots and doesn’t bother putting on a shirt.

“Now?” he asks. “You’re going now?”

I consider his question. If I don’t leave soon, I’m going to lose it. I won’t be able to hold myself together, and I do not need him seeing the tears. I’m more than just a damsel in distress, but that’s all he’s ever seen of me.

I’ve gotta hold my head high, say my goodbye, and do this thing.

Keep it casual.

I can fall apart later.

He yanks open the bedroom door and storms through the compound.

He ignores the looks we’re getting from the few people awake.

Jackie opens one eye from where she’s passed out on the couch and gives me a weak wave before going back to sleep.

I scan the room for Stella or Cammy, but I don’t see them.

I wonder if they are asleep with any of the bikers. I wish I could be here later to ask.

But I grip my bag tighter until I feel Shadow’s hand take the larger bag from me. I let him, appreciating that, as weak and tired as I am, he’s carrying some of the weight.

“You want coffee?” he asks, as if the idea just occurred to him.

I consider it, but then my stomach roils at the thought of it. I just want to go. Need to make this goodbye short and as sweet as it can be. It’s going to hurt. And even contemplating bombing my stomach with acid makes me feel vaguely nauseous.

“No, thanks,” I say.

We leave the compound through the side door and head back to the lot where my car has been completely put back together.

It looks like they may have even cleaned it after searching it for the tracker.

I don’t bother thanking Shadow again. I’m starting to sound like a broken record.

And maybe I’ll text him later. Something light, after I’ve shed my tears and filed this experience away in the memories category.

I pop the trunk, and he tosses my big bag inside.

I set my overnight bag in the footwell of the front passenger side and then close the doors.

I keep my keys in my hands so I don’t accidentally lock myself out of my car.

While I have a suspicion that someone in the compound could break in to my car, I’ve relied on their charity long enough.

It’s time to step out and stand on my own two feet. If Clive is in jail with no hope of getting out, he won’t be calling. He won’t find me. He can’t get to me. So, I am, for the first time in a long, long time, truly free.

It’s time to find a new path. The road is wide open ahead of me. And all I need to do is get behind the wheel and drive.

I look down at my hands again, then pull the driver’s side door open. I move to climb in, but Shadow catches me with one hand and pulls me to him.

I rest my head against his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. He lifts my chin and leans down to kiss me. “Violet James,” he whispers.

“Johnny Butcher,” I say back. “My Shadow.”

I pull away as the tears burn the corners of my eyes. Before any of them falls, I climb behind the wheel, turn the key in the ignition, and put the car into drive. I pull slowly through the lot, past the now-clean aisles.

The prospects must have been busy while Shadow and I were…uh, also busy. Stacks of yard debris and trash are in the corners of the lot, but the path out is perfectly clear.

Shadow doesn’t move, standing in place where I left him like a statue. Like a shadow—unmoving unless his person moves. Maybe that’s a sign from the universe too. I’m not his person.

If I were, he’d have followed me.

Stopped me.

But he didn’t, and I drive away.