Page 19 of Shadow’s Protection (Hurricane Heat MC #1)
“I’m screwed,” I say, shaking out my hands and starting to pace. “I’m so, so, so screwed.” I walk wide, frantic circles in the lot, shaking my hands and clenching my fingers together into fists.
“I’m fired,” I say, rambling to myself in long, unbroken sentences.
“Not fired, but out of a job. A job I guess I technically never had because I signed a piece of paper that said there was no job if there was no vacancy, but I thought there was a vacancy because I interviewed, right? I interviewed for a job because there was a vacancy, but now there is no vacancy because there is no job?—”
“Violet.” Shadow grabs me by the arms and pulls me to a stop in front of him. “What the fuck happened? You’re out of a job?”
I almost scream the answer. “Yes. Yes, I’m out of a job. This is not okay. I am not going to be okay.” I try to pull away, to cover my face with my hands and start pacing again, when Shadow wraps a hand around my waist and nods at his biker friends.
“Keep looking, boys,” he calls out. “I gotta get Violet inside.”
His hand never leaves my waist as he moves me through the main room, down the corridor, and back to his room. He closes and locks the door before pulling me to his chest.
“What the fuck is happening?” he asks.
“I don’t know.” I wrap my hands around his back and hold on with all my strength. “I feel so helpless.”
Two days ago, I had a job offer, a contract on a condo, and a new lease on life.
Now, I have no job, no home, and my ex might be stalking me.
I’ve had lots and lots of wicked sex with a total stranger.
A total stranger who is a biker, by the way.
That part has been amazing, wonderful. But eventually, I’m going to have to pull out of the compound parking lot, make my way through the mess that is the outside world, and live somehow.
Where will I go now?
What will I do?
I can’t go back.
Clive is there.
I can’t go anywhere, it seems, without Clive—and trouble—following.
How is this my life?
I try to release Shadow, to push away from his heat and the comfort of his size, but he won’t let me. He holds me firmly, cupping the back of my neck and breathing kisses into my hair.
“Enough,” he says. “You are not ruined.”
He sits on the couch and pulls me into his lap.
I curl up against him, resting my face in the crook between his shoulder and neck.
I don’t want to cry, but I’m overcome with sadness.
I’ve never been taken care of by anyone—not Clive, not other exes.
Yes, I have parents who love me and a sister who probably would kill or die for me, but that’s family. I expect nothing less from them.
Making my way in the world has been impossible. I chose a career but never had whatever it took to find love. I thought I had love, and that turned out to be nothing more than manipulation and control. Now, the job and the future I thought I had are gone in the blink of an eye.
What’s left? I start to spiral.
Maybe I can waitress or work at a bookstore.
I stop only when I feel Shadow’s hands lift my face from his shoulder.
“You ever been to prison?” he asks me, holding my chin so our eyes meet.
I shake my head sadly. “No. I imagine it’s pretty bad.”
Shadow’s body goes rigid, but he doesn’t release my face.
“You want to feel like the most worthless piece of shit alive?” he asks.
“Get yourself locked up. In there, you got nothing. Family won’t call, won’t visit.
The shit you did on your worst day becomes the only thing that matters.
Not a thousand good days before. It all comes down to your worst choices. ”
He shakes his head. “You’re not ruined any more than I was ruined by spending time on the inside.
You’re smart, you’re gorgeous. You have a degree and skills.
All you need to do is believe here.” He taps my breastbone with a finger.
“Believe that this is a detour on your path, babe. That’s it.
A wrong turn. A closed exit. You’re still behind the wheel.
It’s not too late. For somebody like you? It’ll never be too late.”
My eyes flutter closed, and I grab the fingers he’s holding against my chest and bring them to my lips. I kiss them.
“How did you find the strength to remake yourself after you got out? What did you do?” I ask.
“I took it one day at a time. Now, come here.”
He kisses my cheeks, my eyes, the tip of my nose, and then my lips. I relax into his comforting touch, grateful that my lowest moment, the detour on my path, brought me here to him.
Our kisses are soft and sweet, until I feel him harden beneath me. I can’t help grinning. My God, this man. He is insatiable.
I reach down to stroke him through the denim. I’m already wet, hoping there’s still time before I have to leave again to take this man. To feel his body inside mine. To touch him, lick him, love him.
I’m realizing so many things about myself through this experience.
That maybe I had to be ruined to release the purest, newest form of myself. The word “shadow” starts to take on a new meaning for me.
It’s not just what’s left behind, the darkness that lurks within us. Maybe it’s the simplest form of what we really are.
When the bullshit is pulled away, all that’s left is what’s most true about us.
I can only hope that some of what I’ve experienced the last couple days isn’t just true. I need this to be real.